Help & advice needed

So_Sad_Angel

Hi Jonoone,

Welcome & well done for taking this first step...whatever happens now is a positive move forward. It won`t be easy to talk to your partner but it must be done. My OH was very vague about his debts for years until it was too late & he could`nt go on. You may wish to wait until you have spoken to CCCS - they will offer options & talking is great therapy & may give you courage.

There may be upset, tears, shouting , anger etc,etc but keep telling yourself that YOU WANT TO SORT THIS!! & this is your first step.

Facing the written numbers was for me the hardest bit..seeing it in black & white! When you know what you are up against then you can set about dealing with it. For me it was the unknown that was freaking me out!! (I had debts as well as OH) .

Anyway there are lots on here who can help you...keep posting & let us know how CCCS appointment goes.

Hugs Angelxxx

dalip

You may well be surprised by your partners response. We women are very receptive to moods ect, we know when things are are not good. You may well find she will take it well. Who's to say what she has been thinking in the run up to this. You men think you hide it well but believe me you don't. Perhaps thats why phil's wife took it well she prob thought he was having an affair or whatever. I order to go forward i really think you should sit down with a glass of wine and spill the beans. If you dont tell her now and you do go bc, can you imagine what it would be like if someone see's it in the paper and tells her:eek: . Then your relationship will have no chance. Respect her and tell her. Good luck sweetheart, i dont envy you but we are.all behind you every step of the way>

peachyprice

Hi there,
You've had some excellent advice about calling the debt and gambling charities, but you really must tell your wife. If there's one thing us women hate most of all it's being lied to. Yes she may rant and rave and be very angry with you, but not half as angry as she will be if you try to hide it from her any longer!!

Good luck, and well done on taking the first steps. Once you can share this torture you'll find the strength to fight on.

jonoone

Thanks all of you for the support ,me a complete idiot i wish i had posted earlier!!! have had hmrc hanging over me for three months dont know what they will find but am very worried, might go to prison??
my partner said she thought I had a gam prob five years ago when we were having relationship counselling . It was me who instigated going she did not want to,but she told the counsellor that my gambling was big problem for her. i did not understand what she was even worried about!! five years later??!!why didnt i go for gam counsel then??

jonoone

Dont think glass of wine good idea, she doesnt drink!! but thanks for the advice dalip. Dont think she would take thought of losing "her "house very well either we have spent 20 plus years there cant stand thought of losing it.

dalip

Us women are wise and no male likes to be told what to do. You can be forgiven for your male pride. Now BITE THE BULLET TELL HER SHE WAS RIGHT, GROVEL(maybe not), EAT HUMBLE PIE. Do whatever it takes for her to support you through all this. At the end of the day she was right, you were wrong. Aportioning the blame now is not going to get you anywhere. Saying "i told you so" will not get you anywhere, but you need support. I hope she loves you enough to stand by you i really do. If not we are here as subsitutes.

tigerfeet2006

It's not certain you will loose your house in all this. This is why you need to talk to CCCS on Thursday, they will go through all the options for you.

So_Sad_Angel

Sounds like you are really ready to `sort this` & I wish you all the luck in the world!!

I think you will be fine telling your wife...maybe time for you to tell her she was right!! ..we ladies like that!!

Seriously though, councelling is a must & just talking through this forum makes sure that you feel that the support is there. When you have a bad day (& I have them often) just talk some more...will be great for your sanity & focus.

Angelxx

jonoone

Thank you so sad angel, gambit, peachyprice, tigerfeet and philnicandamy for taking the time to reply.

Nomad25

Jono: if you think you have messed up with HMRC, put another post on the Tax/Benefits board, there are a lot of clued-up people on there who will help/answer/hopefully put your mind at rest on revenue queries and probs. By the way, do you have an accountant for your business?