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I sometimes wonder if it's better to just disappear.

SprostonGreen
Posts: 2 Newbie
I'm posting under an alias as I'm a long haul regular-ish poster on here. It's 5.22am. I've been awake since 3.30am. I don't remember the last time I slept through the night. This should be the happiest year of my life but instead I find myself wanting to die. Yes, I'm in debt and it's deeply frustrating but I've paid off £27K in the last two and a half years and "only" 13K to go and I know that's good going. I'm working myself to the bone in a job I hate and offers me no security but pays really well for the time being. I don't think I'll ever be able to buy a house and I desperately want to live somewhere I don't have to get written permission to hang a picture on the walls.
I feel lonely and depressed and have no-one to talk to, not even my husband to be. I don't necessarily need constructive advice or anything. I just needed to get this out there and out of my head because I don't like the scary places my thoughts are taking me to at the moment.
I feel lonely and depressed and have no-one to talk to, not even my husband to be. I don't necessarily need constructive advice or anything. I just needed to get this out there and out of my head because I don't like the scary places my thoughts are taking me to at the moment.
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I can't sleep, but for different reasons! I can't offer much in the way of advice, but thought i would let you know there is a friendly face at the end of the interenet. I hope you manage to pull through this low time, sending happy thoughts to you x0
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Hi
you've done really well - there is light at the end of the tunnel for you - Ive only just acknowledge my and my hubbys debt and yes it is depressing but Ive found this site a great help and inspiration in fact im at work at the mo myself and any free time im just logging on to see what other useful advise I can find apart from the obvious -IVE GOT TO STOP SPENDING !. Talk to oh men are crap half the time theyve no idea when were upset because were so bloody good at hiding it he's prob got exactly the same feelings - have you used the snowball calculator - i discovered this earlier and It helps to have some idea of when you can be debt free - but sounds like you may of as youve done great - I hope i can do as well as you - think im going to do a debt diary to get things going.
sending virtual hugs and warm mug of choc! :grouphug:
remember to have a little treat now again for you both go out to cinema for the night via orange 241 thingy - may help - regards sleepless nights forgive me if I sound patronising have you seen / talked to your doctor about this?
Sometimes I wish I didnt have my mortgage as It has just allowed us to be even more stupid securing debt against the house also its an old house and were constantly having to pay for stuff - new boiler / double glasing / damp / plastering / dry rot so maybe its not all its cracked up to be sometimes ive thought of selling and renting somewhere!
keep up the great work!BR as of 14/1/2009
Discharged Oct 2009
BC 240 -
Hi SG, I can't offer much help and advice as I know those feelings too well, just want to send you big hugs and hope that you know that it will get better - even it takes a blooming long time :rolleyes: Life's a pain in the butt, and having just started coming out of a nearly 6-month bout of 'lowness' this week, I know that telling you about how exciting it is that the mornings are getting brighter, that it's Easter this weekend and all the chocolate is really cheap and really scrummy, etc etc is just a load of pants, it doesn't particularly help, but hopefully a dodgy threesome hug from an anonymous online friend will. :grouphug:
Hey, if you want to feel good about one thing - you've got a lovely OH who is probably snoring away at the moment oblivious to your inner turmoil. Wake him up and demand a big cuddle, if I had one, that's what I'd do. Cuddles are the best therapy, no need for words :j
Kittikins0 -
Hi Sorry to hear you are so low. You have done so well clearing your debt you should be proud of yourself.
Have you looked at the snowballer to see whether you could tweak the debt free date a bit?
Keep going you WILL get there.Find out who you are and do that on purpose (thanks to Owain Wyn Jones quoting Dolly Parton)0 -
There's nothing worse than waking up in the middle of the night, or not being able to sleep, your mind does tend to play tricks & make you think horrible things, I've had many of those nights & it's exhausting for the day ahead too.
You've done so well to clear as much as you have, having a home of your own is nice & something I'm sure will have someday, BUT, my mortgage rate goes up in September & it's not like I can look around for a cheaper "let" I've just got to try to get the cheapest mortgage I can & so far it doesn't look good! Also I ran up a lot of my debt putting a new bathroom in & having the whole house re-plastered flooring put down etc, so as much as a house can be an asset, it can also be a huge drain.
Be happy that you know what your rent is every month & don't get any nasty surprises, as we have in the past.
I see you're still logged on I hope you are feeling a bit better & get a chance to have a nap later;) Take Care:AComping again - wins so far : 2 V festival tix, 2 NFL tix, 6 bottles of wine, personalised hand soap, Aussie miracle conditioner :beer:
Married my best friend 15/4/160 -
Morning all I woke up really early too, staying in a noisy hotel and I couldn't get back to sleep. As others have said you have done really well so far and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your insomnia.0
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SprostonGreen wrote: »I'm posting under an alias as I'm a long haul regular-ish poster on here. It's 5.22am. I've been awake since 3.30am. I don't remember the last time I slept through the night. This should be the happiest year of my life but instead I find myself wanting to die. Yes, I'm in debt and it's deeply frustrating but I've paid off £27K in the last two and a half years and "only" 13K to go and I know that's good going. I'm working myself to the bone in a job I hate and offers me no security but pays really well for the time being. I don't think I'll ever be able to buy a house and I desperately want to live somewhere I don't have to get written permission to hang a picture on the walls.
I feel lonely and depressed and have no-one to talk to, not even my husband to be. I don't necessarily need constructive advice or anything. I just needed to get this out there and out of my head because I don't like the scary places my thoughts are taking me to at the moment.
I think you have done really well.
At the end of the day you have come a full reversal from an overspend to a massive underspend, big pat on the back from me.
By your calculations you are over the hill and on the way home!
You can join Muhammad Ali, Emily Parkhurst, Lance Armstrong, the little guy who I worked with that ran 23 marathons and Nelson Mandela on my “hero list”. So cheers to you Miss DFW! Super effort.0 -
SG lack of sleep will make you feel worse as you well know. You know how fantastically you've done over your debts but that doesnt seem to be helping you at the moment. As someone who also gets very fed up and in the past had thoughts such as yours I eventually tried herbal sleeping tablets they last for about four hours so if I woke again in the night I could take some more and they really do help without that horrible groggy feeling in the morning you get with precribed sleeper. Also when Im thinking dark thoughts I go into fantasy land and imagine myself in different successful situations (not all involving money) sounds strange but it works! Hope you feel better soon0
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Good morning SG hope you are feeling a little better now.
Look ing at your figures you have cleared about £10k a year, so by this time next year you will just about be done and dusted and that money can then go on saving a deposit for your house. You are doing so well and should be really proud of yourself.
(((hugs)))BSCno.87The only stupid question is an unasked oneLoving life as a Kernow Hippy0 -
Unfortunately fatigue and feeling crap are just part of becoming debt-free. Please don't lose sight of the terrific steps you have made. You've been like a marathon runner who has got to the 20th mile. You simply can't give up now - you've hit 'the wall', you've no energy left, but the finish line is in sight.
I ran a marathon in 2004. I hit the wall at 20 miles but made it to the finish by just digging in and thinking of the achievement that was only 6 miles away. You can make it happen. To get this far you must be an amazing human being with a real desire for change and to make your life better. The miles are in the tank and it's just a case of keep going, digging in and getting to the finish line.
Once you get debt-free, I'll give you a medal and a t-shirt!Almost debt-free, but certainly even with the Banks!0
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