Should your family contribute?

little_miss_messiah

I've had a chat with a friend and her response is that I never appear to need help, I just crack on with it and the job gets done.

Don;t get me wrong, I gave up expecting anything from my father, be it financial help, encouragement or gratitude a long time ago, I just want to know where my budget lies is all.

All things considered I'll get my head down, sort out an affordable budget and in the unlikely event of the offer of any help or a surprise gift on the day I'll take it as a bonus.


As an aside I'm going to have a chat with my sis and see if I can encourage her to help out more with his needs, as I'll need to spend more time sorting out the wedding

Thanks for all your opinions, and no, I've not been offended by any of them, I just wanted honest real world thoughts on the matter.

emmy05

just think that when youve got everything sorted, you did it all off your own back, and although it wont feel like it now, it actually makes your day all the more special when youve paid for it all yourselves. and good luck too x

elljay

little_miss_messiah wrote: »

I know this is getting into the realms of therapy, but I just wanted people to know I just wanted as nice a day as I could manage, after all it should be my Dad's proudest moment in life, and I'm not the selfish shellfish I appear, honest!

We're prob looking at about £5k all in, and was rather hoping we go 3rds with Dad and OH's Dad

I can see how the seeming unfairness rankles a bit but I think you just have to let all of that go over your head and just look towards your own marriage (not just your wedding) and plan your lives together, - what's happening elsewhere with your dad/sister isn't going to matter once you and your husband embark on your legal lives together, after all you've been living your own life for years now. Don't let it embitter you, just get on with it. If you want to spend £5k on one day that's up to you, as everyone else on here has said - it's your choice, you pay for it. How can you assume that your wedding will be your dad's proudest moment? What do you know about his life and what makes him proud? There might have been a million more things that make him proud, none of them anything to do with you. And it's likely that his first grandchild would make him prouder than this too - but I can't assume any more than you can. I know you don't mean to be selfish, but you do still sound a bit self-centred. Sorry to sound unkind, but the other posters on here feel the same too on the whole.

Liz

foreign_correspondent

I dunno - I am not getting married, but I often think its unfair that others who do often get loads of money and gifts chucked at thm - maybe I should ask my family if I can have the stuff anyway! ;-)

mrcow

little_miss_messiah wrote: »

My sister on the other hand has receieved £1000s, my Dad supported her through college only for her to drop out 2 months before exams, let her stay at home rent free until the age of 25, and has cleared several debts over the years into the 1000s fopr her with no pressure to repay. She still can't hold down a steady job, but manages to be in the pub 5 days a week and lives less than 1/2 mile from him, yet he's seen her just twice since christmas.

But none of this is really any of your business

It's between your sister and your Dad and it certainly doesn't translate that because of this, he should give you £1666 towards your wedding. It's his money and he can do whatever he choses with it, including giving it to your sister if he so choses. It maybe a bitter pill to swallow to think that you are not getting any money from him, but I wouldn't let it ruin the relationship (however strained) that you have with him and your sister.

It's your (plural!) wedding.
You pay for it.
And you have the day that you want.