Have little money BUT husband spends on himself!

Barbiegirl_2

Hi all, I need some advice please. Here is a little bit of background. We both work - my husband is fulltime and before going on maternity leave I was part time. Although we had two incomes money was always an argumentative point.

My mother in law invited us to go to Greece in May. All we had to pay for was the flights. After doing some thorough searching the fares were coming up at £500.00 for two adults, one child and an infant. My husband said that this was to expensive so we can't go.

I had a C-section two weeks ago....over the first weekend out of hospital he had booked a diving course! The weekend was horrible as the heating system was being changed and I had the two children to look after. A friend took my daughter to a party in the afternoon but I didn't get to sleep! I thought this was very selfish and yelled at him for taking part in the course then. I never said that he couldn't do I just had a problem with the timing. Then, tonight I found out that he had paid £250.00 or thereabouts for an entrance ticket to Silverstone in July :mad:??? . Just this afternoon he was telling me that we don't have any money!!!!!!! He has yelled at me many times before about buying things and not discussing it with him first....I would just like to add that all of December was a full of arguments because I bought a few toys in the Amazon sale for our 4 year old daughter!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so angry and upset and I cannot come to terms with his selfishness.

For a very long time I have needed a handbag and do I have one? No because everytime I find one I like he tells me I don't need it because I have a changing bag????What? I have been crying and very upset at him tonight. When I questioned him about the Formula One ticket purchase he said his mother gave him money? Well I know that he could be lying because he paid for her to visit us last year on his credit card. He didn't talk to me about this either!

How can two people who are married keep things from each other? I asked him about getting a Nintendo WII for us all to enjoy and he said they were to expensive! A poster on a different thread has said that they are about £180.00. I am so tempted to buy it but I also know that he will be very angry! This problem won't be sorted out for a long time. He knows that I have been crying and doesn't care. He isn't eating dinner and has gone to bed. He told me he has a headache.....WHATEVER I SAY. It's his way of not wanting to talk about it!!!!!!!!!!

I'm just not sure how to stop being so angry at him?

miserly_mum

Babes I feel so bad for you. You have just had a major op and have to care for 2 young children.He should be doing everything in his power to help you out and make life easier for you.

People who are selfish by nature rarely change. I know......I was married to one for 12 years.

Please please try to concentrate on yourself and the children for now, not easy I know. But this man isn't worth your tears right now

fsdss

oh poor you - i'm sending you an mse virtual cuddle :grouphug:

some men are pigs aren't they?

i would go upstairs and tell my oh that i have booked a flight out to greece for myself in may and "just letting him know that he'll need to book annual leave to look after the children"

no seriously - i Would be Pi**ed too, and i dont think you are being unreasonable - he needs a rude awakening

Mrs_Pepperpot_2

I'm sure someone will come aong with some very soud advice - just wanted to say (((hugs))) and I'm sorry you're feeling so angry and down.

Congratulations by the way!

C-sections are hard and take time to recover from emotionally and physically. You sound a bit like you may still be recovering from this. Get us much help as you can and tell him what you need him to do to make your life easier.

Not sure what to say about the money issues - it's so hard when money is a stress but be careful that you don't allow yourself to think that you are not paying your way because you aren't at work at the moment. Looking after a baby should be the highest paid job in the world!!!!

MidlandsMum

Is he my OH's long lost brother? I'm sending lots of love out to you, I know how it feels to have such a selfish husband. I also know that if you confront him about it he will accuse you of making him "feel bad about himself". Since we've, (well, actually I've) been trying to pay off our debts he has managed to run up a thousand pounds more on his golfing activities (trip away, hotel, food, golf club subs) and has left me to clean his mess up. When he wants a new car, he gets a new car, when I want a new car, I can forget it. I cant give you a solution because I'm living the situation myself and I dont have any answers. I just enjoy and cherish my kids and love my home and hope he will see sense in the end.

xxx

Crazychik

Hi there, sorry no super advise here, just wanted to offer you ((((BIG HUGS))). I wouldn't stand for his behaviour, but after your recent c-sec & coping with a baby & small child, your emotions must be all over the place.

Please, from now on, think of your self & the children, they need a mum to be strong, level headed and be there for them.

Can you and speak his mum and explained that according to her DS the flights are a little expensive and he said we cant afford to go! and then drop into the conversation about silverstone, and see if she tells you she's paid for the ticket. I used to phone my exFIL quite often when I didnt agree with what my ex sometimes did, exFIL made a point of talking to his son my behalf and make him see reason. That helped me. But only ring her if you think it'll help. Don't do it if you think it'll risk more arguments.

How are the bills paid? Is the money shared, would it be possible for you to put a little away (have your own stash), again, not knowing the full situation, not sure if this will aggrivate the situation if he ever finds out. I do think he is very selfish, and not taking his responsibilities seriously, not only as husband, but a father too. Family should come first, then treats afterwards!

If need be, leave your thread and our responses visible on the pc, and hope that he sees & reads it, it may knock a few home truths into his head! I used to write letters of my feelings etc to my ex, thats how we used to communicate.

Good luck! Things will improve, but only if he changes his ways!!! I no there are 2 sides to every story, and Im not defending him at all, but I dont agree with his attitude towards his family!

fsdss

just a quick thought - is there any chance HE could be post natally depressed ?- it can happen with males - in fact we are finding more men at the mo are suffering and do irrational things.
or has he been doing this for a long time?.

pepsicola_2

the last time I read your thread I thought your hubby was leaving you?

but I just went to look and you never updated it.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=687919

I do hope you get something sorted soon as I also remember you having no money to buy things for the baby but the users on MSE came up trumps then. xx