Maternity Leave - feel selfish

laurasbump

My first child is due at the beginning of May. I had informed my employer that I would be working right up to 40 weeks. However I'm now 32 weeks and think that I've probably been a 'little' unrealistic - I feel healthy and am still mobile but tired pretty much all of the time, probably due to the restless nights involving multiple loo breaks. He he!! :T.

I'm now thinking of actually going off at 36-38 weeks but am required to give notice if that is the case.

I feel awfully guilty about going off earlier than intended. I'm worried that I'm letting my employer down but more importantly that I'm wasting 4 weeks of 90% maternity pay by being at home sat on my butt instead of being in an office earning - I've never not worked and it's difficult to think that I'll be relying on someone else.

At Christmas I found out that my partner has quite a hefty debt (40k+) and we are trying to pay some off before the arrival of baby as we won't really be in a position to overpay on the minimum while I'm off. I'm getting stressed about this, worrying that he won't be able to meet the minimum payments as well as cover the household bills. I'm trying to keep on top of how he's managing his accounts however he's a little too relaxed and I have to repeatedly nag to get up-to-date account figures. My materity pay will cover our food bills and the cost of running my car. I have also managed to save £1500 but this isn't as much I'd hoped as I'm currently paying all of the household bills to give him breathing space while he pays money off his cards. Everything else for baby I've tried to keep cheap - buying secondhand, borrowing and breastfeeding!

Sorry this is more of a rant than a constructive question. If anyone has an opinion or is in a similar position I'd appreciate some input or some words of wisdom.

Thanks

Laura

fay144

I think that only you can know whether you'll physically be able to carry on until 40 weeks... and the fact that you've posted here suggests not?

You have nothing to feel guilty about - maternity pay is what you and your partner pay taxes for, so don't worry about the effect on your employer, or sitting around doing nothing. But I'd suggest maybe talking to your employer about how you feel, and see what they say? Maybe they could do something to help you out - like letting you work from home, or shorter hours for a few weeks?

As for the money, it sounds like you've done everything you can to minimise the impact of your leave. You seem to be on top of things, so you need to stop worrying. It might be hard, but let your partner worry about his own debts, and give yourself some space to relax.

hex2

Laura,

If you work right up to the birth then you will go into it exhausted! My advice would be to stop at 36 weeks - babies generally arrive somewhere between 37 and 42 weeks. Try and have a rest and a bit of time to yourself so you go into it poisitive. A few weeks longer at home with you will not make a huge difference at the end of your maternity leave, but going into it rested will help you with lots of things (including breastfeeding!).

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

JoJoB

Oh gosh Laura, you have certainly been unrealistic! It is difficult to tell how you'll be feeling in the latter stages of your pregnancy and there has to be a certain amount of leeway on the part of your employer as no-one would be fully expecting you to manage right up till the last minute I reckon. 38 weeks onwards is seen as full term and it is not unusual for babies to arrive earlier than this so in all likelihood your body will dictate when you go off on maternity anyway.

Listen to your body and get rid of guilty feelings - your first priority is to yourself and your baby, keeping yourselves healthy and unstressed. Working up to 40 weeks is really pushing it and it's a shame you feel such a burden financially as well as feeling obligated to your boss. But this is the time when you can put your foot down and be selfish for a change. You owe it to yourself to enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy (as much as you can when uncomfortable as hell).

I went on maternity a couple of days ago (at 34 weeks) and tbh could have done with going off 2 weeks earlier because of the tiredness etc. I could not imagine carrying on for another 6 weeks! You are a trooper!

jaxhen

Hi Laura,

I normally lurk, not post, but i just thought I'd reply to you as we are at a similar stage.
I'm 33 weeks and didn't go into work today as absolutely shattered. I know what you mean about the loo breaks, although it doesn't compare to the night feeds :eek:
I'm due to work to 37 weeks (c section at 39). This is my second baby and with my dd I worked up until 38 weeks in the office. Then she didn't arrive until 42 weeks and I was going crazy at home so I wished I'd stayed at work longer!
38 weeks is about right though I think, it's nice to have some time before going into labour (even if it's just to cook and freeze some meals so you don't have to worry when coming home!)
Do you have far to commute? I have an hour each way, but luckily my boss is happy for me to work at home a couple of days a week which is the best thing ever. Perhaps you could do this in your job?
I wouldn't feel guilty about changing your mind from 40 to 38 weeks....chances are you baby could be born anytime from 38 - 42 weeks regardless of when you intend to stop work.

Good luck, and choose what's best for you and your family!
Jackie

Nicki

With my first, I had planned in my head to work up to 36 weeks but my boss asked me when I was about 20 weeks if I could try and go up to 38 weeks as my going off would coincide with Christmas and there was no one else to cover in the office. We agreed I could come in a bit late and leave a bit early if things weren't busy, and also that if things did get too much that I wouldn't have to give the full amount's notice of intention to start maternity leave. I ended up finishing work on Friday and having the baby by planned c section the next Monday.

I was undoubtedly tired by the end but with the concessions I was able to cope, and wasn't too exhausted before the birth. Maybe if your work are really keen to have you for as long as possible, you could agree something similar so you can keep going for as long as you can? In many ways it depends on the kind of work you do - my job was office based and not physical at all, so the most physically exhausting thing was the commute. If I'd been on my feet all day though I might have felt differently. You also need to keep a close eye on your health and be ready ro go if your body starts telling you (eg by raised bp) that enough is enough

Gingham_Ribbon

The most important person in this situation is YOU. YOU are the one whose body is working hard to bring this amazing person into your lives and YOU are the one who will be dealing with labour, childbirth and the exhausting early weeks and months of motherhood.

Your partner needs you fit and healthy, your baby needs you fit and healthy and YOU need for your own sake to be as strong as you can be. (I wasn't fit or strong and it is not easy.)

So if you need to leave work earlier than you anticipated, that's how it's going to have to be. And there is nothing lazy or selfish about needing a rest in the later stages of pregnancy. Your body is doing an amazing thing and the burden can be huge.

I spent both my boys' pregnancies in bed for almost the entire time. I felt useless and pathetic, but even I could see that I was doing my best.

arthur_dent_2

Both mine arrived early, (38.5 weeks and 37 weeks) I could not have worked to 40 weeks if I had wanted to. To be honest I think that working to 38 weeks is more than fair to your employer and you will need the rest.

lostbuckaroos

Laura,

Don't feel guilty or think that you're "wasting" maternity leave. It's perfectly reasonable to change when you start if you're tired - after all, you're going to need energy for your baby after it's born. I've only worked 4 weeks since December because I've needed the rest & there's still 2 months to go! Also, if you're off a little earlier you can help sort out your finances without having to stress about working too.

geekgirl

Please don't feel guilty going on maternity leave a little earlier than planned. You are going to need all of your strength ready to bring your little one into the world. It is a tiring job growing babies as you have discovered.
If you get a good amount of rest before your birth you are more likely to cope better with the birth and breastfeeding afterwards.
Do what you want to do, how many other times in your life are you totally justified?

Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy and birth.

liuhut

Hi Laura

I worked until 38 weeks and then took the final two as holiday so that it was still paid...do you have any holiday left that you could take??
I know what you mean about feeling guilty, I felt the same with my first and spent all of the two weeks cleaning, literally from the minute my OH went to work until he got back 9 hours later, no wonder DD was born early!! Don't feel guilty tho, there is nowt to feel guilty about, your OH ran the debt up not you so think about yourself and little un and get yourself some well earned rest...

Hope it goes well