gambling addiction - hubby

biglad

As you may see from my sig, i was a gambler.

Im not going to bore you with my life but in a nutshell saw my best die in front of me and was a big drinker at the age of 17, but since stopped. i have a very addictive personality and then when i stopped drinking turned my hand to buying clothes then discovered gambling which was one of the worst things i could ever do.

I am a keen sportsmen and good poker player and was 99% of the time winning quite a lot at these two things but it was the other things i was betting on which ranged from football, cricket to ice hockey and womens basketball.

I met my lovely girlfriend nearly 3 years ago and was still having a bet, would go out with her and sit there with a pda betting, but only used to tell her when i won and the amounts, not when i lost.

from the date in my sig i nearly lost my girlfriend, which after all in my life is the one thing that makes me happy, (and my little bro lol). i had got that bad i turned to stealing, but i have since paid everyone back from what i was doing and my gf found out, i thought my world was going to end.

if your still reading this far then you need a medal, but im trying to say that if he is losing that much and not telling you then it will put a massive strain on your relationship.

whilst i was gambling all i was thinking was where my next bet was, used to bet on the laptop when gf went out room, get really annoyed when a bet didnt come in. my life revolved round betting. I was scraping little bits of money together to get a bet.

I havent had a bet since the date in my sig an i wont. i didnt realise i had a problem for 6 years, until i realised i was stealing and could lose all that has made me happy the last 3 years.

Gambling is probably the WORST addiction in the world, unlike drink or drugs you can do it without people knowing as there are no obvious side effects. and also online makes it so much easier to get in the s@#t as its not like real money

my new addiction is selling any rubbish i have on ebay and my beloved push bike lol.

you say he is away for 3 months, but i doubt very much he will not be betting whilst out there, i know people in the forces (not sure u said thats where he is) who bet online every chance they have.

he needs to stop and get him to cancel all his accounts online in front of you. i know its mad but people who bet online dont really go the bookies much, i was actually scared of them until the last year of my gambling

sorry for the waffle

hannahgibbs

He was betting because he was bored :mad: He was back for 2 weeks and had nothing *better* to do. I was doing my usual things, horses and going to work, a couple of afternoons a week. So he spent all day on the computer. I appreciate that he has been under stress, I can't imagine what it is like out there. But equally I have enough to worry about while he is away, without worrying about whether I can pay all the bills this month.

biglad wrote: »

i doubt very much he will not be betting whilst out there, i know people in the forces (not sure u said thats where he is) who bet online every chance they have.

He is in Iraq. They can't access betting online :T You are right that there are no obvious side effects, except when your wife looks on internet banking and realises there is far less money than there should be. How he thought I wouldn't notice, I don't know. Well actually I do, he thought he would win it back and some more and isn't he clever :A

I can't do much unitl he is back now, but I fully intend to take control of the finances, and give him spending money only. What he does with that is up to him. When he can't put petrol in the car or buy some beers because he has spent all his money, that will be his problem, at least then I know that the bills will be paid and I will be able to sleep.

biglad

this is the problem, all he wanted to do was bet. it wrecks the relationship.

Since i am not betting i dont sit glued to the laptop and i do things with my gf, we go out, talk more and generally get on better. surely he was home for two weeks and would want to spend the time with you or catching up with people. sounds very similar to myself and his problem could actually be a lot worse than you think.

are you sure he cant access gambling sites, a lot in forces take laptops and surely cant be too hard to get on the net, via phone or whatever, he may even get *bored* again and bet using a phone a account.

i know im being a pessamist BUT a gambler will do anything to have a bet, hes got the fix for it the last two weeks and will be like going cold turkey, it is hard.

He needs to stop now as it will wreck the time you have together when hes not in iraq.

u say he sent u a grovelling email, where was that from??

sorry to sound so negative as im sure it must be drastically hard with him just being away.

hannahgibbs

Yes they have internet and wi-fi. But it blocks all gambling and possible *naughty* sites :rotfl:He was trying to buy underwear for me for valentines day and the internet just shuts down :rotfl:Yes we went and saw family and friends, he even came and helped with the horses some days, but I can't supervise him 24/7 and I shouldn't need to. When he's back next, it will be *exactly* the same as this time, except he will have 4 weeks instead of 2. Obviously I was glad to see him but I had to carry on my life too. I have to be independent and busy otherwise I would not leave my house for the 6 months while he was away, and most of that "stuff" can't just be dropped because His Royal Highness is here and needs supervising :rotfl:

biglad

yea very true, and i know you cant supervise him 24/7 lol

shame that you say it will be exactly the same next time, but unfortunately its just a longer period for him to lose money

whilst he is away id spend time getting a decent virus program, where you can block certain sites, like a kiddie protecter on the net and get his own username on the pc so he cant gamble. its another option to gamcare or other programs if u wish not to have them on pc

hannahgibbs

I have just spoken to him and said I need to know what we are going to do. He wants to put off any decisions until he gets back, which I refused, for my sake. I have blocked several sites that I know he used, and will just add to the list if I need to. He has agreed to give me his debit card and be given spending money, so I am making progress. I just hope we are both strong enough to get through this.

GeorgeUK

Good luck with this Hannah.

Hopefully he sees that he has a problem with gambling rather than just money.
You'll get plenty of support here either way - him too.

elantan

hannah by the sounds of things you have started a supportive encouraging diary ...it's great to see others adding their advice and support ...good luck with it

debtfreefuture

Good luck sweetheart. My OH has been gambling for the 25 years we have been together. We have just sold the house and are going our seperate ways. The lying and cheating sometimes stops for a few months but always rears it's ugly head again. I have given him pocket money to try to control the output, but he takes money (steals) from my purse, or, when the kids were little from them - he used to ask them if he could borrow it, (and tell them he would give them back double). Now the kids have all left home (they are all grown up now) and he has more disposable income the gambling has got a million times worse. He earns shedloads of money - but never has any. Can do up to £500 per week in the bookies on football & horses.
Statistics say that only 1 in 3 gamblers can totally abstain. Most of them get drawn back in.

My only true advise would be always be aware and never believe what they say. Try to keep some money for emergency's in another account, so that if he gambles everything you have food and petrol money etc. I know this sounds harsh, but it is a serious disease and they really will lie and lie to get their fix.

BIGLAD - Please don't take offence at the comment above. You are doing brilliantly. Please please keep it up. You will have a much better life without it (big hugs to you for doing so well)

DFF
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PANDORA

Your life mirrors my own debtfreefuture, though it's 32 years on in my case. My husband and I are still together, though for how much longer I'm not sure. The emotional strain of living with a compulsive gambler is enormous and it takes it's toll on the partner and everyone around them. Everything you've said is true and while many gamblers do manage to abstain, sadly many more do not.

The scale of gambling varies with whatever access there is to money. I cancelled our joint bank account, put everything in my name and thought I had control of the finances to a degree. But my husband managed to run up £30,000 worth of gambling debt (bookies not internet) in under a year and all on credit cards! (which he had never had before). I didn't have a clue he had the cards. And I can't believe credit card companies could be so irresponsible allowing constant cash withdrawals.

I wish you luck Hannah, you have to do what you feel is right for you and I truly hope it works out for you both. Sorry this post seems so negative, but it's important you know just how out of control it can get and close as many avenues to cash access as you can.

All the best.