gambling addiction - hubby

broke_student111

Just a couple of other things, if we are dealing with poker then there are a number of online tournaments that have very low entry fees (around £5) with cash prizes for the winner, 2nd place and so on. Ok - perhaps not as exciting as playing at the cash tables but not nearly as financially damaging, and you do get a lot of gameplay for your money (can last for the good part of an afternoon/evening if you get to the final rounds in the larger ones).

The software application that blocks gambling sites is called GamBlock and is availiable on the internet for around £20 - well worth it. Th program is very good at detecting gambling sites from the non-gambling sites and it cleverly attaches itself to Windows so it cannot be easily removed without re-installing the whole operating system. If you do go on a gambling site, the computer will automatically power down if you do not navigate away from that site in 30 seconds.

Zulu_Dawn

Hi

I'm also a recovering compulsive gambler. (you can give it up)

Make no bones about it, gambling addiction is pretty hideous. It nearly destroyed my whole life. I now attend GA and I have plenty of experience of those who have suffered bankruptcy, prison, marriage break up as a result of their addiction and still not been able to kick the habit.

Please take this addiction very seriously. It can destroy lives and you need to understand it.

These are the things that worked for me.

You need total financial transparency between you and your partner. Open each others mail, discuss your financial situation, no secrets. I ended up with 15 credit cards, three loans and a six figure debt and my wife knew about none of this.

If necessary, take control of your partners finances. Give him pocket money, one card with a low limit that you can access via the internet. Allow him to earn your trust again.

Install gamblock on your PC (www.gamblock.com I think). This will prevent any further access to gambling websites.

Gamblers become terrible liars. Watch out for him getting home late with weak excuses, vanishing during the day, coming to bed incredibly late. Be suspicious so you can be reassured.

Visit the gamblers anonymous websites and read some of the stories so you know what you are up against. There is also an organisation called gamanon which is specifically for those affected by gambling. Both of these organisations have meetings throughout the country and there are also phone numbers if you wish to discuss any of this. There is also a very good website run by Gordon House which has a forum much like this.

It may be that your husband has just done something stupid, will learn and never do it again. In which case that will be great. However I want you to be forwarned just in case.

Best wishes,

ZD

hannahgibbs

Thanks broke student 111 and zulu dawn. I need to know what I am up against. He is gambling mostly on horses. He knows how much this is affecting me, and also that I will not let this situation become out of hand. Luckily (?) he is in Iraq at the mo, so I have time to get my head sorted and have a plan for when he gets home. Him being away also means that he can't access any gambling sites, so the situation can't get worse. I am going to get credit reports for both of us, so that should show anything I don't yet know about!

I will look into gamblock, that sounds useful

GeorgeUK

Good to see you're getting lots of ideas and support here hannah.

I would also throw a healthy dose of caution in here too. Have you ever seen an addict craving their next fix? Imagine being the one to take away what they need and what the reaction would be.

Getting information and a plan to deal with this is definately a good idea, but it is your husband with the problem and while you can support him and be there for him when he's struggling - he is the one that needs to decide what to do about it. In the end, he is the one that may or may not go back to gambling.

Is he gambling because he feels that you should have more money?
Is it because he's depressed?

There are no easy answers but while you plan on how to move on and help him, please also be aware that he could resent you "interfering". Alot of addicts don't think straight and while he will probably agree that yes, things need to change - he wants to stop gambling - if he starts to get moody or distracted, don't stand in the firing line. It can be very frustrating trying to overcome something like this and he may lash out at whoever is closest - you.

You need to not only have a plan of what can be done to help him, but be there to pick up the pieces. Alot of people don't lash out, but turn all that frustration in on themselves which can be almost as desctructive as the original problem.

I think that as long as you both keep communicating - and let him know that even if he does have a relapse that you won't blame him, you just want to know and will be there for him, things should progress in the right direction.

Alot of gamblers are ashamed of what they've done and what they've put their families through. They'll promise the world when they face up to what has happened or when confronted with it - and at the time they will mean every word of it. But it is a long hard fight. Just because everything seems ok for even months, a moment of weakness can undo alot of the good work you achieve. As long as he doesn't try to hide it after it happens, you'll still be making progress.

I stopped quite a while ago with a few spills on the way. Keeping any account that has your card details online is a bad idea. The temptation is always there. Physically putting your account details on takes a bit of time - and hopefully that's enough time for him to think twice about it.

good luck with this.
George

southwester_2

HI

I was addicted to gambling and everything built up last year when I told my wife everything, the worry was statring to make me sick; I told her everything, and I mean everything (£27000); The hardest thing I ever did but as a few know on here, it turned out not to be the hardest thing I ever did but thats another story

I sough online help at gamcare and also had gamblock put on my computer, however a lot of it was willpower that only I could achieve, which I have and havent had a bet since last March, when the truth came out

Wife went ballistic but now we are stronger than ever and moving on;

I hope it works out for you because if it isnt nipped in the bud now it will develop into a major traumatic time in your life; I really hope he sees sense and seeks help

Good luck

hannahgibbs

GeorgeUK wrote: »

I would also throw a healthy dose of caution in here too. Have you ever seen an addict craving their next fix? Imagine being the one to take away what they need and what the reaction would be.

I don't care. I won't let him destroy our life and future. He will just have to deal with it!

And re interferring: ditto. He will thank me every day that we have a roof over our head and food on the table.

I have done some research on gamblock, apparently it can muck up your computer And I use the computer more than him, so it will annoy me more than him :rolleyes: Any experiences good or bad please

laineyc_2

Hi Hannah. You may find going to GamAnon useful. It is for the family, friends etc of gamblers. They can give you practical advice as well as support. You can find links to meetings through the GA website.

PENNYWISE_3

hiyah

I wanted to add my support to the thread, well done to any of you that have posted & have battled with gambling & come through the other side. I have serious respect for you.

I have no experience of such an addiction and so please feel free to ignore what I say as it may be complete nonsense - could it be that your husband gambled purely because he was back home & out of the no doubt very stressful experience of situations like Iraq, I can't even begin to imagine the pressure that anyone out there is under & the sights they see (I pressume he is in the forces?) Is this just a blow out because he could or is it a re-occuring problem that has been ongoing for a long time? Sorry I have missed some info in the thread.

keep your chin up & remember there's a load of support & advice on here for you. hugs

mummum2

PENNYWISE wrote: »

hiyah

I wanted to add my support to the thread, well done to any of you that have posted & have battled with gambling & come through the other side. I have serious respect for you.

I have no experience of such an addiction and so please feel free to ignore what I say as it may be complete nonsense - could it be that your husband gambled purely because he was back home & out of the no doubt very stressful experience of situations like Iraq, I can't even begin to imagine the pressure that anyone out there is under & the sights they see (I pressume he is in the forces?) Is this just a blow out because he could or is it a re-occuring problem that has been ongoing for a long time? Sorry I have missed some info in the thread.

keep your chin up & remember there's a load of support & advice on here for you. hugs

I also have no experience with such an addiction! but was thinking along the same line as PW Re: stress of 'war' and wanting that release away from 'battle field'

In any event good luck and hug to you.

TotallyBroke

I'd just like to say you are not alone. I too live with an internet gambler. I didn't know the extent of his gambling when we got together but it has certainly come quite clear now. My OH's wages get paid into my bank account so affectedly it's my card details being used and my name for the accounts. All our bills are in my name and so if it all goes wrong it's me that is affected the most. I cancelled the bank card once and refused him having it but that couldn't last forever. I've begged him to stop and each time he promises to. In response to Stapely it's easy to say kick him out but a lot harder to actually do. I threatened and threatened but could never quite manage it. Although I have reached the point where my OH is on his last warning. I find anymore money gone and so will he. I've now printed this whole thread off and will be giving it to him tonight when I get home. I'll also consider installing gamblock to the pc if it is not easily uninstallable (is that a real word sorry if it's not).