please advice daugter been threatened with being expelled

michellenealemum

long going drama for my daughter she is 9 and has been bullyed by one child in school for a long time keep going in keeps settling down and then erupting again.
today is that day they where in a music class and he was teasing her so she told teacher he was warned and then removed when it carried on.
he got my daughter in the cloakroom between lessons and said he was going to get her,she agian told teacher,well at playtime he ran up behind her and punched her 3 times in the back,so they where both taken to the deputy,he said she pushed in first so they both got told off,but during this telling off the deputy has said to my daughter that she might be expelled because of her behaivour she was devastated she is never in trouble,i tried to speak to teacher at end of the day after a 20 min wait was told they couldn't find her so i am going in the morning.
does anyone have ideas i don't think i am over reacting my daughter is not a saint but she is never in trouble at school,i am flabbergasted that the deputy can say this to her.

dmg24

TBH I would wait until you get the deputy's version of events before potentially overreacting. Children can be selective in what they say, and possibly also exaggerate what was said.

Stephb1986_2

Sounds like teachers pet where the deputy is taking sides. I had this and got kicked out of school when i was 11 because the teachers had it in for me. Is it a catholic school by any chance??

Steph xx

Madmel

To be honest, if the previous incidents have been logged, I can't see on what grounds they could exclude your DD. It can be quite hard to exclude kids (especially permanently) and if there is a history of your DD being bullied, I really don't get why she should be singled out.

Easier said than done, I know, but can you "sleep on it", then go in tomorrow and ask to speak to the deputy calmly but firmly as your DD has been distressed by the whole incident. If you don't get anywhere, ask for an urgent meeting with the Head.

My DD2 has been bullied by a boy a year older. Her first teacher refused to condone any retaliation, but she's quite young and not a mum. Now the acting Head has stepped in, and as the mum of 2 late teens, she is much more grounded in reality. She has let it be known quietly that if the boy attacks DD again and she smacks him one back, it will be seen as self-defence. I have since found out that DD winds this boy up - kids! However, it does not excuse his behaviour and he has been dealt with pretty firmly by the AH, so there have not been any incidents for some time. The Acting Head is approachable and I have phoned her a couple of times when DD2 has been upset by things. By the time I have arrived to collect her at the end of the day, the incident has been dealt with.

Good luck, keep calm and don't take any flannel from them!

michellenealemum

i am going to go into school in morning but another child told her parents and they have been on phone my d left out the part when deputy took them both to class and asked other children if they had seen anything so although i do know kids don't always tell it like it is i am fairly certain she has been threatened she is terrified that this my happen
steph
yes it is a catholic school

poe.tuesday

you need to write to the head and the chair of governors explaining what had happened, request copies of the schools anti bullying, behahour and complaints policy and if they have one, ask for the rules on explusion, then request a meeting with teh head and chair of governors to discuss the following:

what measures the school is putting in place to stop your child from being bullied?
on what grounds did the deputy head have on threatening your child with expulsion?

you must stay calm, you must not get angry and emotional as they can refuse to communicate with you (I am talking from personal experience here where I got banned from my childrens school due to my 'emotional outbursts' when my child had the [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL] beaten out of her)

the way I now combat these 'outbursts of emotion' is to treat the head like a contractor who has failed on fulfilling his remit, I know it sounds mad but situations like these can get you angry and upset and often the head and governors give off the air of control and power which can be daunting so if you can look at them in a different light it could make it easier to deal with

stick to the facts, keep them breif and remember the bottom line, which is your child's safety and happiness.

Stephb1986_2

thought so they are alot stricter than mixed schools. This kid needs punishment have you not got any older children? if your daughter is scared of going to school because of this kid then you should go the the head master instead of the deputy they are as good as a chicken drumstick! explain to them that your daughter is scared of going to school and that this kid needs excluding until he's learnt his lesson, i remember when i got excluded i was in the dog house if his parents are strict then he will be too and might actually think of his actions first.

Good luck

HTH

Steph xx

bonnie_2

My dd went to a catholic school, i had to pull her out in the end, am home educating her now. The school did not admit to bullying and basically called me a liar. If your going to see them either record what they say or take someone big and hairy along. What you say will be brushed under the carpet and you will be made out to be a liar.They knew i was going in and had a big gang of teachers all primed with answers how covenient. You don't live in essex do you?

poe.tuesday

I have to add that we fought with the our childrens school for nearly 2 years with several formal complaints against the head but the place is a closed book and nothing was ever sorted out, we got everyone involved but no-one would deal with the issues with the school, no-one thought there was any issues with over 25% of the children being removed from the school either, eventually we removed our children too, it was the best thing we did and I wish I had done it sooner but I believed that it was wrong to move my children from their school when they had done no wrong, but you know, life is happy and hassle free now, sometimes it just isn't worth the fight

andyrules

Did the deputy use the actual word 'expel' as against 'exclude' - there is a difference.

I think you should make an appointment to see the head immediately and clarify exactly what the conversation was and the implications. If your daughter is threatened with such drastic measures I would want to know what evidence forms the basis of the accusation.

Then I would establish how they are dealing with the bullying issue. Bullying is notoriously difficult to police and mistakes can be made. the school will certainly have a policy and it will most likely be very similar to any other school's policy. The difference will be how proactive they are implementing it. Try to establish (from your daughter as well) if this child is picking on her exclusively or if she is one of a number of soft targets.

Been said, difficult, but try not to get emotional.

ailuro2

Send her to a self defence based martial arts class, they will help her confidence, and teach her how to defend herself from the bully without actually hitting him.

My 9yo DD does Kupso, which uses pressure points- much pain but little evidence left of her 'hidden power'

So far she's not had to use it, but it gives her confidence to stand up to bullies if she ever needed to.

My heart goes out to your daughter, it's awful having her education affected by one little sod who won't leave her in peace.:mad: