how do i stop begging letters?

msmicawber

I've found that when I've given money to charities and filled in the gift aid bit so that they get the tax back, they hound me for ever after, though heaven knows where the other begging letters get their names and addresses from.

It's very hard to know what to do with a relative who you feel is being 'suckered' into giving away money you think they can't afford. However, as far as I know there's nothing official that can be done to stop these. I listed to Money Box the other week on Radio 4 when a woman whose elderly mother described how she'd tried to get the Royal Mail and Social Services involved in stopping people scamming her mother for money to no avail. When the poor woman died, she'd paid out a fortune and owed more. It was all very sad. Short of writing to your MP pointing out that the population's getting older so more and more older people are likely to be in this situation and a national strategy is needed to try and prevent these mailings, I don't know what you can do. Unless you apply to everyone who writes to your parents under the Data Protection Act demanding their records and then pass the information on to Trading Standards afterwards - ?

poet123

TBH I think your mum is putting you into an untenable position. If your father is fully compos mentis, as you say he is, then it is her responsibility to sit him down and say she is unhappy with his actions.

This is because he will, or could, see your intervention as wanting to secure your inheritance, rather than secure your mothers future.

louby-lou-lou

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Bootsbabe1

I thought this place was a friendly place to help people not to have ago or make them feel guilty I must have been wrong. She came here for advice not to be moaned at. Don’t worry about what these other people say some people can’t help them selves I guess. I don’t see what their problem is at the end of the day this is junk mail is it not? Therefore if your mother wants to dispose of it then she can after all a lot of this type of mail is addressed to the occupier so it is her mail too and can do with it what she pleases. I wonder if their families were getting scammed then they would just sit back a watch, I doubt it. Think before anyone judge’s people we do not know the particulars e.g. family history and financial problems. For all we know this man could be spending beyond his means by giving.

suckmaster.burstingfoam

There's not a shred of doubt in my mind that the OP is right in trying to stop this. Get off her back for god's sake.

Josie_Jump_3

suckmaster.burstingfoam wrote: »

There's not a shred of doubt in my mind that the OP is right in trying to stop this. Get off her back for god's sake.

I agree, I'd even consider putting these letters in the bin before your dad see's them, they are junk mail and so put them where they belong!

Becles

From experience, the trouble with charity letters is that if you give, you must get onto some "soft touch" mailing list and you just get hounded to death with begging letters.

My Grandpa was a very generous man and he used to respond to charity letters, especially the ones with pictures of needy children or animals in and captions saying "just £10 will feed these children for a week".

It got to head when he was getting so many begging letters and sending off so much money every week, that he didn't have enough to pay for his own food and central heating and stuff. He was sitting at home hungry with his hat and coat on to keep warm as he'd given all his money away!

He did have dementia and was throwing away important things like bills, so he was getting to the "pay up or we'll cut you off" stage. Dad arranged a redirection of his post and power of attorney, so everything came to my parents house and Dad sorted all his bills and stuff out. The only charity letters he got after that were the "to the occupier" ones, but he didn't have a chequebook anymore so he couldn't respond to them.

I can understand why the OP is worried, as I wouldn't want it to get to the stage where her father was giving away everything and then not having enough to live on himself.

Would your father agree to a limit on donations? If he agreed with your mother that he was allowed to donate say £20 a week, then he could pick from all the letters which charity he liked best to send the money to. That way he's getting to give some money, but it's not enough to cause problems for your parents.

Mrs_Thrify

Hiya,I get theese letters in the post too. When I open the post, I often stand next to the recycle bin in the kitchen. I belive that people like me on low wages need all their earnings to aford taxes,comunity charge, home insurance. Thats before I start on the £93per month on duel fuel and food bill.
I belive the begging letters should be sent to the high wage earners like TV stars and sports stars, whare one days wage would not be missed. They are all very good at going to charity events whare their photo's are on TV/paper. They need to say how much they have given too.

As for the op's letter. My Oh for over a year use to spend £40 every week at the Gala bingo.He just could not see what a racket that was. Every few weeks he came back shouting he had won a few pounds....
Withthe charity letters,just like the bingo, the cycle needs to be STOPPED.

Nicki

kitiaracat wrote: »

This has blown up more than i wanted it to. Sorry if people think what my mother is doing is wrong but most are actual scams and need to be delt with. I don't like to talk on here about famliy life but i feel it would clear things up a bit, i didn't say he was completely with, he does have a medical condtion which does effect his judgement and now struggles to do simple maths so this could be the reason why he gives so much. I am keeping out of it, i never interfere with their couple life and def wouldn't say anything to dad about it. I think my mother is more worried that this is him declining as much as it is about money.

The story does seem to be changing once people begin to question whether you should be doing anything at all.

You start off by saying that your dad is of sound mind, has done a lot of charity work in his younger days, and that the requests are coming from well known charities. If this is the case, then my view remains it is his choice as to whether he gives or not, and if his giving is causing financial difficulties in the household, then he and your mum need to sit down and talk about this and have a budget for giving, which he can allocate as he chooses.

You are now saying however that he is not able to manage his financial affairs and that he is being "scammed" (by which I take it you mean he is being asked for money by non-legitimate charities). If this is the case, then perhaps you need to take legal advice about either you or your mum getting a power of attorney over your father's affairs. To do this though you will have to be able to demonstrate that he is in fact incapable. Simply disapproving of how he chooses to live his life isn't enough, otherwise we would all want to get power of attorney over relatives who spend their child benefit on booze and fags rather than fresh fruit and vegetables for their children!

I still think that 69 is not old in the scheme of things, and I think that you will find that the sooner you start taking control of your parents lives and decisions the more quickly they will deteriorate mentally and physically. There is nothing wrong about being supportive and offering advice if you think they are being suckered into a bad decision, but once you start going down the route of censoring what mail they can and can't receive or controlling how they spend their money, you have removed their independence for good.

poet123

I dont think anyone is on her back,(and I aplogise if my comments came across that way)merely making pertinent comments based on the contents of the initial post. This seemed to be an over the top reaction to a man who was in full control of his faculties giving away his money. Now that she has elaborated to say that her father has a condition which may prevent him making fully reasoned decisions, I fully understand that she feels the need to help and support her mother.


The inference in the first post was not that all these letters are junk mail, but that some were from charities her father has previously supported, and as such addressed directly to him.

The fact is that it is easy to stop unsolicited mailshots, but far harder to stop contact from charities you have a history with. That would require personal contact by phone/letter and even then if it was not the named recipient who made contact they would bot be obliged to take any notice as per the Data protection act.