Help...i'm in such a mess

stupidsusie

(This is a copy of my post on the debt free forum, someone suggested it would be good to start a thread on this sub forum too)

This is my first post on this site, i've been 'lurking' for a while and the advice and support are brilliant. Any advice on my situation would be fantastic, although I don't really think I deserve it because everything is totally my own fault. I feel so ashamed.

In January 2006 everything was going well for me.....good job, lovely new home and car, savings in the bank and so on. A few months later I received one of those 'free bet' offers from a gambling site.....and two years later my life is in ruins. From hardly ever having gambled, in those first few months I racked up over £100,000 of debt. I still can't believe I got so hooked so quickly. I would stay up night after night gambling, I hardly ate or slept, and lived on coffee, cigarettes and adrenaline (I was still putting in 12 hour days at the office). Eventually I managed to get a grip and started going to Gamblers Anonymous. Although the debts were huge, after consolidating most of it into a secured loan, I was able to meet my monthly commitments due to having a good salary etc.

All was then well until the following year, when I ended up back online and another £80,000 or so in debt - stupidly after consolidating I didn't cancel all my credit facilities. Yet again I stopped, went to GA, and also started seeing a private addiction counsellor. Apart from a small lapse in August of £5,000 I again managed not to gamble, although financially things were becoming very tight (just about manageable).

At the end of last year I was made redundant, and received about £50,000 as a redundancy payment. I also received a gift from my mum (alongside my sisters) of a further £50,000. I have always wanted to run my own business, and although my outgoings were about £5,000 per month, with that amount of money I started to set up the business (as well as paying off a small amount of debt plus my car loan) and felt very enthusiastic and positive about a new start and being able to pay back my debts over time doing something I loved.

And then, in January this year, I blew it. My dad was diagnosed with dementia last year, and my mum became very depressed and dependent. One day in January I had to tell my Dad he was never coming home from the specialist dementia care home, and that night after driving home I started gambling again. Needless to say, although my debts have not really increased, I now have next to no money left. The fact that at least some of the money gambled was from my parents who had saved carefully all their lives makes me so ashamed I cry whenever I think about it.

It's so hard writing all this.....

My SOA is this....

Property value = £350,000
Mortgage = £292,000
Secured loan = £94,000 (approx)

Unsecured debts (3 loans and 5 credit cards) = £98,000
Overdraft = £6,000

Money in second current account (separate company from all creditors) = £5,000
Value of car = £10,000 (I will be selling this shortly, I am very lucky as my sister has just bought a new car and is going to let me borrow her old one for now)

Monthly income = £2,000 mortgage payment protection plus £250 Jobseeers Allowance

Up to now, I have still been meeting all my monthly payments. But this just isn't possible anymore, and i've started to write to my creditors offering token payments of £5 for six months, until I am back in employment.

There is one very very small glimmer of hope in this sorry tale - I am in dispute with my employer regarding my redundancy and it is possible I may receive a settlement. This won't be anywhere near enough to pay off my debts, but it might buy me some more time.

Today I got up thinking 'right, if I can get a six month grace period on my unsecured debts, I will get the business trading and also approach all of my contacts re: contract / consultancy work etc'. Perhaps I was deluding myself, but I thought that if I could bring in some money I might be able to sort out the debts over time, especially if I do get a lump sum. But the post then arrived, and there was a very abrupt letter from one of my creditors. This debt is with the same company as the current account from which I made all the gambling transactions, and I guess they have reviewed my accounts. They have refused to accept any reduction in payment due to 'my account activity', and say that if I don't make the contractual payments 'further action will be taken'. From their perspective I can totally understand - given how much I lost gambling in the last month or two why the hell should they accept lower payments?

So now I feel totally desperate. I am beginning to think that bankruptcy is my only option, but because I have lost so much money recently that could have gone to creditors I am sure I will get a BRO of the maximum 15 years. I'm also terrified that somehow I will end up in prison.

Would it be better to keep going as long as possible (and withouth gambling), so that I can at least show that I have tried to pay some of the money back? This feels like the right thing to do anyway.

Even if I do have to go down the bankruptcy route I just don't know what the best thing to do is.....should I stop paying my mortgage and end up being repossessed? Is there a risk that if I declare myself bankrupt and then the house is repossessed I will end up being made bankrupt for a second time shortly afterwards because I won't be able to pay off the negative equity? Or should I try and keep the house out of the bankruptcy and hope (by hard work etc) that I can continue to make payments? I know that if I give up the house I will not be able to get a mortgage for years and years, although generally I think having a terrible credit history would be good for me - I never want debt again (apart from a mortgage), for any reason.

Should I be stockpiling cash from the little I have left to pay for food / bills / a flat rental later on, or is this dishonest?

I'm just in such a mess.....please can anyone help?

tigerfeet2006

Your first port of call should be to contact one of the Debt Charities; see links below. Their services are free; they have no vested interest to serve; their advisors are professionally trained and the advice they give will be objective and in your best interests only.

CCCS 0800 138 1111 National Debtline 0808 808 4000 Business Debt Line 0800 197 6026 CAB – Contact your local office and ask to speak to a Specialist Financial Advisor.

You need to do this, as if you ultimatly decide bankruptcy is for you then the judge will ask if you have taken professional advice. If you don't then the judge can refuse your bankruptcy until you do. With a house involved it is even more important thet you do.

jet77

Just popping over to show my support on this thread too. Try not to worry ... by coming to these forums you have just swithched the light on at the end of the tunnel xx

debt_doctor

Hi,

Thats a very sad story, and must of taken some courage to post.

How long is it since you last gambled ? Do you feel confident that with the right support that you can / have beaten the addiction ?

I m going off now but will have look tommorrow, You must get some proffessional advice from a debt charity, but we will chat further tommorrow if your around.

Best,

DD

journ

Hi i heart really goes out to you your story shows how peoples life's can change
But you are making the start to get your life together again and I'm sure this is the time to change your life for the better
My thoughts are with you
Please take care .

stressed_out_6

I wish I could offer more than my heartfelt encouragement and good wishes and praise for your courage.

This site is fab, I'm sure you will get lots of support and draw strength from the wonderful people who share their experiences and knowledge here. I know I have. xx

fiveyearplan

Hi Susie, Don't worry about going to prison - that just won't happen. Regarding the letter to your creditors, most of my creditors ignored the letter I sent them. Phone one of the debt charities as mentioned above - they will not judge you. Gongratulations for taking the first step to sorting this out and good luck with GA.
xx

blind-as-a-bat_2

stupidsusie wrote: »

Today I got up thinking 'right, if I can get a six month grace period on my unsecured debts, I will get the business trading and also approach all of my contacts re: contract / consultancy work etc'. Perhaps I was deluding myself, but I thought that if I could bring in some money I might be able to sort out the debts over time, especially if I do get a lump sum. But the post then arrived, and there was a very abrupt letter from one of my creditors. This debt is with the same company as the current account from which I made all the gambling transactions, and I guess they have reviewed my accounts. They have refused to accept any reduction in payment due to 'my account activity', and say that if I don't make the contractual payments 'further action will be taken'. From their perspective I can totally understand - given how much I lost gambling in the last month or two why the hell should they accept lower payments? Regardless of why you got there they should except lower payments if you truly cant pay any more so dont think that way. Its allright them complaining about your account activity now, shame they didn look before giving you the credit to help your addiction:rolleyes: You may feel its all your fault but but if they hadnt kept funding you that may of helped so they should share the blame too. There is very little they can do and the threat of 'further action will be taken' is ,for now, just hat a threat, (if the debt is unsecured), and what they can do is going to take many months, but if any money is still going into this accountt i would distance yourself from it now by opening up an account elsewhere

So now I feel totally desperate. I am beginning to think that bankruptcy is my only option, but because I have lost so much money recently that could have gone to creditors I am sure I will get a BRO of the maximum 15 years. I'm also terrified that somehow I will end up in prison.A BRO is possible due to the leval of debt caused by gambling, but a BRO means very little once you have had tto go BR anyway, it just means some of the restrictions are extended and to be honest is designed to be a help more than a punishment in situations like yours. As for prison the OR doesnt have any power to do that, they just gather information and prpare reports. Unless you where fraudulent in a really big way bing sent to jail just doesnt happen. And even in cases where fraud is suspected prison would be a last resort for the courts as they simply havnt got the room

Would it be better to keep going as long as possible (and withouth gambling), so that I can at least show that I have tried to pay some of the money back? This feels like the right thing to do anyway. It may help reduce a BRO if you can show you are tring to correct the issue, but if doing so may mean you relapse back into your old ways then it could backfire, hard one to call realy

Even if I do have to go down the bankruptcy route I just don't know what the best thing to do is.....should I stop paying my mortgage and end up being repossessed? Is there a risk that if I declare myself bankrupt and then the house is repossessed I will end up being made bankrupt for a second time shortly afterwards because I won't be able to pay off the negative equity? Or should I try and keep the house out of the bankruptcy and hope (by hard work etc) that I can continue to make payments? I know that if I give up the house I will not be able to get a mortgage for years and years, although generally I think having a terrible credit history would be good for me - I never want debt again (apart from a mortgage), for any reason.Any shortfall from a debt that was proveble before BR will be included in your BR even if that shortfall happens after, Thats a simplified way of putting it but inthe case of mortgages/secured loans is the genral idea.

Should I be stockpiling cash from the little I have left to pay for food / bills / a flat rental later on, or is this dishonest?No you have to live and put a roof over your head so if that means saving for a deposit if you choose to let the house go thats what you do, however you may be asked to clarify and justify amounts like this during BR so start keeping a record

I'm just in such a mess.....please can anyone help?

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You already know what you have done is going to make it harder for you but to be honest most of that will come from yourself not the BR in the form of guilt your already having.

Just try to keep sight that this was caused by an illness that is exploited by some very low life companys making millions on missery like yours, personally i put them in the same catagory as drug deallers, they also use the same tactics with these 'free play' offers and you got hooked just as you would have if it were drugs.

But you are deaing with it and for that you should be commended, so do what you need to do to remove the temptaton that may start you off again and stay strong

Scared_witless

Hi Susie,
The fact that at least some of the money gambled was from my parents who had saved carefully all their lives makes me so ashamed I cry whenever I think about it.
I too have lost some money which my parents had worked all their life for and this is the saddest part of my BR, I don't care about the money lost that me and OH had worked hard for. We used it to set up a business which 3 years later failed. I suppose we gambled it in a different way, but ultimately it was for financial gain.

Last week I had a long conversation with my dad, basically I had got myself into a right pickle emotionaly feeling guilty, ashamed and a failure in his eyes. (my mum has now died). My dad was lovely, as always, he told me that the money was a gift and he didnt care what I had done with it but what he did care about was seeing me in such a state. He said that this was hurting him far more and I needed to be strong to get through the next part of my life.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is no matter what your decision is about when you go BR, you need to be strong, both emotionaly and also with your addiction and something that may help you on your journey is thinking about your parents and remembering that you are staying strong for their benefit as well as yours.

I hope I have explained this ok and good luck, you have come to a fantastic place for help, I don't know what I would have done without it.

Kind regards
SW

Somerset

Hi Susie

I don't often post on these debt threads - if you're ready to address the debts, whatever the short-term pain, the agencies mentioned above are the place to start.

I was just struck by your post.,the gambling addiction, the family difficulties and the obvious pain and shame you are feeling. Don't despair. There are ways to solve everything. Sometimes life doesn't turn out as we hope or plan. When it's self-inflicted damage it can be hard to take. There's always a future - sometimes seeing that is hard. If you're able to say ''this can't go on, something needs to change'' then make the appointment with one of those agencies. Very best of luck to you.

stupidsusie

Hi, I just wanted to say thanks for all the posts and for all the support, both in terms of gambling / how I feel and also the practical advice.

I spoke to the Insolvency Helpline yesterday and they recommended bankruptcy as the only practical solution. I did ask them about BRO/BRU and they didn't know what I was on about - they just said that BR lasts between 1 and 3 years. I thought you were normally discharged after 1 year but that a BRO/ BRU could last up to 15 years and that payments from income if affordable were made for 3 years. Have I got this wrong?

I know I will get a BRO/BRU, and the ongoing restrictions on the credit side of it doesn't concern me too much because I never want access to credit again. That said the mortgage side would be hard. It's the other restrictions that bother me...my career to date has been in financial services (oh the irony) and I know that BR would seriously affect my chances of getting a new job in that field. The alternatives that I would love to consider are training in law or running my own business....and both of these are affected by BR too. I am on the board of a charity, and I would have to resign that. Finally, as my Dad has dementia I have Power of Attorney over his affairs (i've put safeguards in place to make sure I can never be tempted to use his money - my Mum is joint signatory on all the accounts), again I won't be able to do this if BR.

I have loads of questions about BR......

any idea as to the length of BRO/BRU I might get?

what would happen if I received a windfall after BR eg inheritance? If it was enough to clear the debts would the BR still stand? What about a BRO/BRU?

from blind-as-a-bats post below it seems that all debts are included in the BR even if they haven't yet been 'crystallised' ie negative equity. have I understood that right?

would I be better trying to earn enough to keep the house or would the OR say it's too much money from income that could otherwise be used for payments to creditors each month?

if my unsecured creditors don't accept token payments for now, can they immediately petition to make me bankrupt?

i've probably got lots more to ask as well.....but i'll sign off for now.

I'm off to GA tonight, so that's got to be a good start....

Susie