Lending money to friends & family

BYALPHAINDIA

Coming from Exp - A 'Simple' NO to family.

You cannot RELY on many people these days, Never mind your family.

But Friends are more closer in certain ways, To family who often Lol seem to be just 'Titles' of stature !!

If you have GOOD friends then they are the point of help.

maz1964

hiya all

i have thought my friends would be reliable. but only if they are in a position to repay as they said but then if they too have problems in their life they become unreliable to pay back, so its not just family in my experience - i need the help now but my friend who owes me thousands cannot start to help me as they are still in a mess

unfortunately my unwise decisions have come back to haunt me today when i need help but if the money was paid back to me today i would not need the help from anyone so im afraid to have to say i will only help now if they need food or lifts or emotional help, but never can i give them money, as no one is there for me now guess it s not being selfish but being protecting me and my family, after getting a ccj for a friends debt as i fooolishhhhly paid their mortgage arrears in court so they would nt lose their home im the one facing the court action and now have to find the monthly payment so i dont get a charging order,,,

so those of you who still wish to help, yeah go ahead and get it all in a written contract but pls bear in mind if they dont pay and have no means of ever paying what will that contract be worth in a court of law if you ever took them there????

pls be savvy and dont be a fool to yourself and your family, like i did

sorry to pour out but i feel saddened and yet happy both at the same time, that i know in my hearts of heart i stopped an eviction from happening with the kids in the house there, but now my friend until they get sorted im paying for that priveledge and they are still in the house which im fine with just could do with the payment back thats all

i hope my good heart gets rewarded back in other ways which im hopeful about and feel i do as i have some fab friends and good family members that appreciate me as a person and im thankful they are too in my life so i get up each morning and try and have a good day

have a fun day yourselves too
maz;)

NicChanna

Just want to add my story to the tales of misguided Good-Samaritanship ...

I lent my OHs mother £3,800 to cover legal fees, rent and TV licence (?!) in 2009. None of it has ever been paid back despite repeated requests. The explanation is that she is not working, and at the time the money was required, neither was my OH's brother.

Now that OH's brother is working, I suggested a compromise. I would be willing to kiss goodbye to half of the money I lent, if OH's brother agrees to pay back the other half. That would mean that this woman's children have supported her equally and, maybe I've gone mad but this seems quite generous of me.

This compromise has been refused. There is no prospect of me getting this money back in the foreseeable future. To make me more infuriated, OH's brother has just had a great big wedding and is expecting another child and moving to a bigger house.

It just makes me annoyed that we had wanted to marry this year, but we had expected to have that loan money back in order to fund it. Meanwhile I had to sit across from them on their lovely big day, knowing that the groom was allowing his mother to languish in debt to someone who may one day become her family.

Am I being awful? Is what I have expected unreasonable?

*Louise*

NicChanna wrote: »

Just want to add my story to the tales of misguided Good-Samaritanship ...

I lent my OHs mother £3,800 to cover legal fees, rent and TV licence (?!) in 2009. None of it has ever been paid back despite repeated requests. The explanation is that she is not working, and at the time the money was required, neither was my OH's brother.

Now that OH's brother is working, I suggested a compromise. I would be willing to kiss goodbye to half of the money I lent, if OH's brother agrees to pay back the other half. That would mean that this woman's children have supported her equally and, maybe I've gone mad but this seems quite generous of me.

This compromise has been refused. There is no prospect of me getting this money back in the foreseeable future. To make me more infuriated, OH's brother has just had a great big wedding and is expecting another child and moving to a bigger house.

It just makes me annoyed that we had wanted to marry this year, but we had expected to have that loan money back in order to fund it. Meanwhile I had to sit across from them on their lovely big day, knowing that the groom was allowing his mother to languish in debt to someone who may one day become her family.

Am I being awful? Is what I have expected unreasonable?

To be honest - I can see why you are annoyed and I see the reasoning behind your suggested compromise, but imagine a poster came on heresaying 'my brothers fiance loaned my mum money now she wants me to pay half the debt back for her' we would all be saying 'no way...don't do it!' etc

I do however think the mother should be making an effort herself to start paying the loan back. Even if it were a small amount every week it would how willing.

I would be mortified to borrow that much money from someone then make no attempt to pay it back:o

John_Pierpoint

I think we need a bit more detail about the family age, structure, and incomes of your potential new in-laws, before we pass judgement.
I still have the cheque that paid off the last of my father's debts (he inconveniently died, maxed out on his overdrafts) - I suppose we waited over 30 years for my mother to die, before getting that money back. It never really occurred to me to present the bill to my sister on her graduation day - "OK sis you can afford to go halves on this now".
The cheque is signed by my then brand new wife, as I did not have my cheque book with me at the time.

The mistake was on the part of your boy friend, for failing to involve his brother in the situation before making the loan.
Oh the power of a post dated cheque.
Be warned, a similar conflict could occur over care home fees in the future, and it is not always the "generous" one, who is the more appreciated.

For most people, greed is a more powerful emotion than gratitude.

NicChanna

I suppose you're right about the "poster asking if they should pay half of mum's debt" thing.

It really makes me sad/angry because I feel as if this experience has fundamentally changed my attitude to helping people. As long as I live I will never lend money to anyone else and it's a shame because I do always want to help people.

His family (including my OH's brother) have, since the initial loan, asked me to lend them more money for fair enough really worthy reasons and sometimes it might even have been classed as an urgent need, but I've refused every time.

I used to be a good, selfless person but being used for money has made me heartless.

*Louise*

NicChanna wrote: »

His family (including my OH's brother) have, since the initial loan, asked me to lend them more money for fair enough really worthy reasons and sometimes it might even have been classed as an urgent need, but I've refused every time.

I used to be a good, selfless person but being used for money has made me heartless.

Quite right too, they have a bit of a cheek to ask when the family has stiffed you on repayments once already.

The thing about being a good person and wanting to help is that unfortunately those are the ones who everyone goes to for money knowing they will say yes

Rat_lover

Hi
I need some advice I borrowed £1000 off my friend in june this year, I split up with my partner in 2009 he offered to buy my share of the house whhich was due to be completed by July 2011, unfortunately he was made redundant and was unable to pay me my share of the property ( not a problem as we are still good friends ) Unfortunately i told my friend I was getting the money from my house and would pay her back. I have paid her back £400 but she is demanding the remaining £600 now which I cannot come up with and cannot obtain credit, hence asking her for the loan. I have offered to pay her £100 a week but she has refused. She is now threatening to take legal action saying she can have me done for Fraud by mis representation because I said i would be getting my money from my house. She has nothing in writing to say she lent me the money and the it was paid in cash, I have every intention of paying it back.......Can anyone help i'm so worried

fozmcfc

She doesn't stand a chance, she has no written contract and no trace electronically of money going between her and you and therefore doesn't have a leg to stand on. TBH if you were to give her nothing more back, there is sod all she can do about it.

However, as a decent human being, correctly, you are doing your best to pay it back, so my advice to you...

1/ Save the £100 each week, till you've got it all together.

2/ Give her it back, then tell her to F off, you don't need friends making threats like that, when you genuinely haven't misled her and you have done your best to pay her back asap.

If she still gives you grief put your foot down, tell her that whilst you understand why she is annoyed, the situation is as it is and that you didn't delibrately mislead her. If she still goes on, then tell her she has no case and that she will get the money back ASAP, either £100 a week or £600 in 6 weeks and that you will not be bullied.

You are no doubt feeling guilty etc, about not being able to pay it back as you throught. But going on your post and your attempts to pay back £100 a week, you shouldn't beat yourself up about it, you are doing your best.

Rat_lover

Hi Fozmcfc
Thanks for your reply, yes she is a bully, she said her friends had told her to take legal action which is why I have been worried, she has been sending threatening texts whilst on holiday in Benidorm for 2 weeks, She is due home tomorrow which is when I am expecting her to cause trouble. I will take your advice and offer her £100 a week or just save it up for 6 weeks.
Thanks Again