Father Unknown!

prestonlass

weegie.geek wrote: »

There are plenty more reasons she might not want to say who the father is that are less pleasant than a random one-night stand.

I'd think twice about pestering her.

I'd agree, let he that is without sin etc etc - we all make mistakes at some time or another, we are not all fortunate enough to get away with them without a lasting reminder.
I am not suggesting at all that her baby is a mistake, please do not misunderstand me, but if she doesn't want to tell who the biological father is, then that is her choice to make for whatever the reason may be.

Although the fathers details on the birth certificate will be blank now, they can be added at a time in the future should she/he wish them to be. If she were to add them, she would also be giving that man full parental responsibility. Now whilst a bit of cash and support would no doubt come in handy, she may very well not want him to be able to have a say in other matters, health, education, moving etc. If he's not a permanent fixture I think she is wise to leave his identity unknown. As regards telling the child who the father is, she can cross that bridge when it comes to it, circumstances may well be very different in the future.

Strapped

prestonlass wrote: »

I'd agree, let he that is without sin etc etc - we all make mistakes at some time or another, we are not all fortunate enough to get away with them without a lasting reminder.
I am not suggesting at all that her baby is a mistake, please do not misunderstand me, but if she doesn't want to tell who the biological father is, then that is her choice to make for whatever the reason may be.

Although the fathers details on the birth certificate will be blank now, they can be added at a time in the future should she/he wish them to be. If she were to add them, she would also be giving that man full parental responsibility. Now whilst a bit of cash and support would no doubt come in handy, she may very well not want him to be able to have a say in other matters, health, education, moving etc. If he's not a permanent fixture I think she is wise to leave his identity unknown. As regards telling the child who the father is, she can cross that bridge when it comes to it, circumstances may well be very different in the future.

...and don't worry, the taxpayer will pick up the bill!

weegie.geek

Strapped wrote: »

...and don't worry, the taxpayer will pick up the bill!

Sensitive as ever.

I didn't want to come out and say it but this stupid and short-sighted comment has !!!!ed me off.

It didn't occur to you that perhaps this child is the result of a rape, no? Sure, that's probably the most extreme explanation for the mother being unable/unwilling to name the father, but just think for a second before you go on your high horse. It's entirely possible.

You know nothing about the OP's sister's circumstances, so why are you bothering to judge?

ariba10

We can all be reasonably sure who our mothers are but we only have her word as to who our father is.

tifnstav

Strapped wrote: »

...and don't worry, the taxpayer will pick up the bill!

i think thats quite harsh - we don't know the cirumstances here and weegie geek was discreetly suggesting that sometimes people get pregnant in much more terrifying ways than having a few too many sambucas.

she may have her own reasons for not wanting to talk about how she came to be pregnant and i don't think its really our place to apportion blame just because we're taxpayers.

lic

weegie.geek wrote: »

Sensitive as ever.

I didn't want to come out and say it but this stupid and short-sighted comment has !!!!ed me off.

It didn't occur to you that perhaps this child is the result of a rape, no? Sure, that's probably the most extreme explanation for the mother being unable/unwilling to name the father, but just think for a second before you go on your high horse. It's entirely possible.

You know nothing about the OP's sister's circumstances, so why are you bothering to judge?

Is STRAPPED judging or just stating a fact??
I have a job where I meet many single mothers who live on their own. It's surpising how many of them do not know who the father is. Even more surprising is when there a 2 0r 3 kids to the same father, and mum still does not know who he is!!!
It's all too easy for single mums to get benefit and live on it forever, "kids for cash" I call it. We have the largest percentge of young single mums in EU. If the benefit system changed then the stats would come down also!

That said if the OP's sis has been raped she should report it. It might be painful, but it might spare other women.

weegie.geek

lic wrote: »

Is STRAPPED judging or just stating a fact??
I have a job where I meet many single mothers who live on their own. It's surpising how many of them do not know who the father is. Even more surprising is when there a 2 0r 3 kids to the same father, and mum still does not know who he is!!!
It's all too easy for single mums to get benefit and live on it forever, "kids for cash" I call it. We have the largest percentge of young single mums in EU. If the benefit system changed then the stats would come down also!

That said if the OP's sis has been raped she should report it. It might be painful, but it might spare other women.

Strapped's post was pretty clearly judgemental to me. It's not always easy to judge tone and intention when dealing with text, but it seemed pretty off to me.

I'm sure there are plenty who get pregnant on purpose like you say. I'd rather a hundred of them got away with it than I made the situation worse by accusing a rape victim of doing the same.

I feel bad now because instead of merely hinting at this, we're all saying it and it could be pretty distressing for the OP. I only suggested it because I've known similar things to happen.

I agree that if this is the case the OP should report it, but there are circumstances in which a person might not even be 100% sure they were raped.

Anyway, enough talk about rape, I cross my fingers and hope that I'm way off the mark here. I only brought it up in the hope that it being a possibility would stop people being judgemental.

prestonlass

The tax payer has far bigger things to worry about.
Whoever this lady may be and whatever her circumstances may be - she's way way down on the list of people this particular tax payer (me) would be fed up of.
Give her some credit, she hasn't lied like a benefit cheat. Not naming the father will be of no benefit to her and probably make things more difficult for her but at least she has been honest.
There are many children around who will no doubt find out at some later stage that the man named on their birth certificate isn't even biologically connected to them.
Strapped - whatever she does get in benefits I can assure you it will not amount to anywhere near the allowances our respectable politicians claim. Doubt it will come close to the speaker's wife's taxi bill and certainly not to whatever huge salary we pay Tony Blair now - to do WHAT????

hflower74

IS will not deduct any money but she will have someone come round and ask questions and she will have to say she doesnt know who the father is, and maybe go into a little bit of detail as to why.

They will only reduce her IS is she refuses to tell them who the father is.
But as i said if she doesnt know then she cant tell them so she will recieve the full IS that she is entitled to.

Best wishes to your sister for taking the brave desision to carry on with the pregnacy and before a single mum.

prestonlass

calmed down now and should really add
Strapped, I also get completely hacked off with people who decide to have a baby with no means nor any intention of supporting it themselves, in fact I have toyed with thoughts that no benefit should even be granted to people who have never even EVER had a job but decide to breed.
This particular situation struck a cord with me tho, perhaps it was the inference that something darker lay behind her situation. I was just feeling that not naming the father wasn't in her best interests financially, nothing to gain by it and a bit of empathy was more appropriate, in this case.