Help needed - how to tell him

joanne1977

Hi,

I am in the situation wher my husband has found out that I have a loan which he did not know about.

Can I ask you how you approached the subject to your wife, as I am so ashamed and have been trying to sort things out on my own for the last few years rather than speaking to him and sharing the problem.

I think he is more annoyed that I have not told him about it. Well he found out on sunday and has not approached the subject with me, I just recieved a text messages asking about an envelope that he found and the contents on monday morning whilst at work. I have been at work since I recieved the text message and will not be home until tonight.
Now keep getting upset and crying as I know I should have told him, but I just could not find the right time to approach the subject with him.

I am really struggling how I can tell him about it tonight?

immoral_angeluk

Just be honest. Give him the facts and tell him what you plan to do to sort it out. It's not going to be easy... but sugar coating it isn't going to help. Just be open and honest.

joanne1977

I have wrote down a list of what I used when and where so he can see. I have got this loan out to sort out the problem and not make it any worse, hopefully he will see that tonight after I have spoke to him.

newlywed

Be honest, tell him all of it. Make sure you let him know you were trying to sort it out, that you wanted to tell him but could never find the words as you knew he'd be disappointed etc.

In all honesty, when I told me OH the huge amount of debt I was in, it was a massive relief (after I'd finished crying of course and when he finally finished his stunned silence). I'd been really snappy every time he wanted to go out for the day or spend money in any way but suddenly, once he knew, I could say that I didn't have enough money to cover it. Causes much less arguments that way.

tallyhoh

I echo the thoughts from the others. Make sure you tell him everything, make a list & leave nothing out. Tell him where the money went, that makes things easier.
Tell him your efforts to sort it out so far.

Good Luck.

joanne1977

Hi

Do you think that this makes sense on what i got the loan out for to pay off other debts and have them all in one place.


Capital One – credit card – used TSB loan to pay off - £250.00
Beneficial – credit Card - used TSB loan to pay off - £750.00
TSB Visa – credit Card - used TSB loan to pay off - £4500.00
Catalogues - used TSB loan to pay off - £500
Barclaycard – credit card – used A & L Loan to pay off £4000

TSB Loan to clear credit cards in October 2006 for £6000
A & L Loan to clear TSB Loan and Barclaycard for £10000

TSB Loan 2 – To clear

A & L Loan - £10000
TSB Loan - £6000
Cahoot Loan £ 2000

newlywed

Did he know about the previous loan(s)?

Bit confused by your post, do you now have 3 loans to repay??

newlywed

Have you now cut up and canceled all the credit cards so that you can't spend on them and incur any more debt? You ought to

I got several consolidation loans to pay off previous loans + credit cards and continually spent on the cards again - even when I promised myself I wouldn't.

In the end, no-one would lend my any additional money and the credit card interest rates went up loads until I was stuck and couldn't pay everyone and buy food I ended up with over £30k.

Consolidation isn't always the answer - you need to budget and change your spending habits so as not to crank up the credit again.

joanne1977

No i have condensed the three loans into one monthly payment instead of the three loans each month I now have only got one.

No he did not know about any.

newlywed

joanne1977 wrote: »

No i have condensed the three loans into one monthly payment instead of the three loans each month I now have only got one.

No he did not know about any.

Ok that's not so bad then. You need to explain that to him - and seriously consider the cutting up and canceling cards

joanne1977

I have already done that two years ago and have got no credit cards in my name.