I cant afford it - Why dont people believe me?

moneydesperate_x

Hello

I am just wondering if anyone else has the same problem as me.....

Why is it, when I tell people I cant afford to do something, like go away on holiday this year (as I am trying to pay back my debts) they dont believe me, and then say something like "Yes we havent got much money but we are still going away".
I dont really want to explain to everyone I have a conversation with that I am in a lot of debt and want to pay it off, but it seems people just think I am saying I cant afford things for the hell of it.
Or I get a comment like..'What your not having a holiday this year, surely you can afford to go somewhere'!

Last week the office were talking about going out for a meal one evening, so when I was asked I said I couldnt really afford to go out for a meal, this month but that didnt seem good enough, instead they decided I didnt want to socialise with them!

Does anyone have any advice on how to get round this problem?
Why cant I say I can not afford to do something and it be understood?

CharliesAngel

Hi moneydesperate x

I'm wondering if it's because they've all still got their heads in the sand and haven't realised how much debt they're piling up?! I get the same thing...

CA x

Lemon_Tree

oh i can sympathise with this, the times i've ended up losing track with 'good' friends because i couldn't go out every time they wanted to and do the driving. It's so annoying that they always say youdon't want to socialise and try and make you feel guilty.
Sometimes i tell a white lie and end up 'babysitting' or having to visit my parents etc, but it all depends on how determined you are to stick to your guns despite the guilt trip thrown your way. Good luck

pania

Unless people have been/are/are about to be in your circumstances hon then "not affording" is almost unfathomable. But rest assured most of these people put their holidays on the very thing you are trying to cut down, their debt. Look at the scenario with a sense of pride, you are tackling your debt head on, being frugle and trying to get yourself out of a hole while others are getting themselves further and further into it.
Unfortunately i am the sort of person that would ask my colleagues who,if they persisted after a gentle and reasonable explaination would ask if they'd like to see my bank statement to prove i am not a skinflint/antisocial toebag however if this is not your take on it then maybe explain that you find the comments hurtful and you would love the chance to socialise with them in a cheaper scenario on enight, say a drink at the pub after work. Are you social with them at work or tend to keep yoursel to yourself? that may be enhancing the situation unfortunately.
Big hugs to you xxx

sunshine38_2

:hello: Hi there

I completely understand where you are coming from. When I try to explain that I cant afford to join in with something, someone kindly offers to "lend" me the money until I get paid next time. Although I know it's a lovely gesture, they were obviously not listening to me the previous month on pay day when I spoke about being in debt and how fed up I was :rolleyes:

I would be interested to see what advice you get on handling these types of situations!

Sunshine x

poorandindenial

Hi moneydesperate

I encounter this from time to time too, I used to get it a lot more but people are getting used to my new ways now. It looks like there is about a month difference betwen how long we have been here so hopefully you will start to see less of this soon too.

I have started to be a lot more open about how much debt I have as this amount just isn't on the scale of lots of people I know (although I thought it was completely normal when I was racking it up - that isn't to say it is abnormal but I think we all agree on here that we want rid) and because I earn quite a high salary they really just didn't seem to think it could possibly be at a level where it could be a problem.

Oddly one of the areas where I initially encountered the most disbelief and unhelpful attitude was my OH, although that changed pretty quickly and now he is very supportive.

Although for me it happens less now it is crap when it does happen though isn't it, it just makes me feel a bit like a freak when people look at me as if to say I know you earn £x, what do you mean you can't afford a tenner.

redballoon_2

these people have obvioulsy havent had thier light bulb moment, or havent got any responsibilities.

Stick to your guns. Or suggest doing something that doesnt involve spending any money like a sponsored fun run for a local charity that gets people together to practice running and get fit at the same time?

MissKJ

People are generally only offended once. The first time you don't get them a borthday or christmas present (spend your hard earned cash on those you really WANT to spend on) Sometimes breaking the habit cycle is a relief for others. You don't have to explain everything. Give yourself a target to ebay/other earning methods, then use this target cash for a cheap night out at your suggestion. Girls nights in with PJ's and a bottle of plonk are good fun. Or how about organising a party that pays commision, ie virgin vie, anne summers. Still socialising, but do your sums and you might get something from it.

gax23

What about honesty? Not just saying you can't afford it - tell them you're in a lot of debt and that you want to clear it before you start splashing out on frivolties. People will understand.

moneydesperate_x

Im very lucky as my OH is very good, infact he pays for almost everything at the moment, so I can pay as much as I can off my debt.

At work I dont want everyone to know my business, I try and keep myself to myself, but this is sometimes very difficult as everyone in the office is going to the pub, why am i not going, who dont i like!!! I try and say someone needs to cover the office, but it doesnt always work.
The other thing is Birthdays, why do people who I hardly know in the office buy me presents for my birthday, its not that I am not greatful, but it means I have to buy them all something on their birthdays or they sulk!

I do sometimes listen to others talking about what they have brought in their lunch hours, and think I used to be like that, and I do feel proud I have stopped my spending.

And yes, I also get the 'but you earn X per year, surely you can come out just for one meal'...but that always leads to another!

I guess instead I will have to start being rude to people, then maybe they wont invite me in the first place!

southernscouser

moneydesperate_x wrote: »

Why cant I say I can not afford to do something and it be understood?

Listen to me you jumped up money wasting arrogant ignorant ******* *****, I cannot afford to go out and spend £50 ****** on a pile of *****. Just because you can freely pull £20 notes out of your oversized ******* **** it doesn't mean the rest of us ****** can. You *****.

They might not talk to you again, but they'll understand you have no money.