please help

spanishgal_2

Message deleted for personal reasons.

doraexplorer

(((big hug))). sorry your not having a easy time. just had to say hello after reading your thread. there are some great people on here and i am certain someone will be along soon with some really good sound advice.

hth

xx

cantcope

sending you lots of hugs. just dont give him the money. while he's at work he cant get it. remind him that he promised to stop whatever it is he's doing and that you wont give in to him this time.
have you tried ringing any sort of helpline? is he getting help for his problem?

cantcope

if you tell us what the problem is i'm sur eone of us can help you. feel free to PM if you dont want to make it public

stefejb

Hugs to you spanishgal - doesn't sound like YOU have anything to be ashamed of. would it help if you told us what his problem is as there is bound to be someone with experience of it or living with it. as you said you are trying to be a good mum and if he won't put you and your children first then you will have to do what's best for them and for you.

bluebell13

What does he want the £30 for? Is it to fund the problem or for basic things he needs. I am guessing that this is some sort of gambling/betting problem, but it would help if you could let us know what the problem is.

belfastgirl23

I think all you can do is tell him you haven't got it. It is the truth which is always good ground to be standing on. If he mentions or asks about the credit cards then that is not your money, it is the company's.

TBH it is horrible but I think you really have to steel yourself to keeping saying no, no matter how tough it gets. Unfortunately it seems your husband is not able to say no so it is falling on you. If it helps to strengthen you, try to keep in mind that while you continue to say yes you are enabling and supporting the behaviour you hate. In the end this behaviour will destroy your marriage anyway if it continues so best to take a stand now and be hung for a sheep as a lamb....I kind of think you know this yourself and that's why you haven't given him the money. Keep on being strong.

But lots of luck and do post on here if you think we can help at all....

spanishgal_2

deleted for personal reasons

belfastgirl23

Oh, that's so horrible and so sad. But I can't help noticing that you are saying you feel ashamed - get one thing clear, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You're married to someone who is an addict and you have done your best to support him and your family with no help. You should be PROUD of yourself.

The other thing is, has your DH had any professional help with quitting? From what I understand (and there is quite a level of addiction in my own family, albeit alcohol) the support of organisations like Narcotics Anonymous is very helpful http://www.ukna.org/. I do think this is too much for you and him to cope with alone. Don't forget too even if he won't seek help from them there's nothing to prevent you from doing so. And maybe leading by example? It might also be a valuable source of support for you.

Hope you're feeling okay...

hannahsmummy1

My brother used our parents to fund his drug & gambling habits, to the point of getting them into debt, that they are still trying to get out of (they are getting there slowly) The crunch came when a man phoned my parents house (whilst i was there on hols with my daughter - who was 2 at the time) and told me (because he wouldnt get out of bed & hadnt even left the house for weeks- he had left his job, and lost everything) to tell him that he was going to kill him if he didnt give him the money that day there & then, i was frantic with worry- tried talking to my brother who told me not to get involved (how could i not!) Speaking from experience, if he has a drug habit- that he is not dealing with, you not giving him the 30 pounds- (im not saying give it to him) but he will just get it from somewhere else, my brother stole from my parents own wallets to fund his habit, all this eventually ended in my dad kicking my brother out & threatening him with the police, when he found out that he had dabbled in dealing also. One of my brothers friends has just been jailed for 18 years for dealing ecstasy. I have never been able to forgive my brother for getting my parents into debt, but i obviously love him & want to help. I got my mum leaflets and numbers for local drug advisory services (completely confidential) I think she even phoned samaritans too. Your partner needs to admit he has a problem- first and foremost, only then can he receive the help he (and you & your family) needs to get him off this path.

pinkshoes

(((hugs)))

The most important thing is the welfare of your children and yourself - both physically AND mentally! No one should ever emotionally blackmail their partner, regardless of the circumstances.

I think you need to be strong with him. Text him back and tell him you haven't got the money, as otherwise the kids will have to go without food. If he puts drugs before his kids, then I would perhaps consider leaving him, as the more a drugs problem gets out of control, the more he'll emotionally blackmail you, perhaps even become aggressive and blame you for everything, even though it's not your fault at all.

I would re-consider not telling your family. Or perhaps HIS family. Are you close to his mum? or has he got a sister? could you confide in them? At least that would prevent YOUR family from finding out.

I think it's about time you stop worrying what people are going to think, as it's perhaps getting in the way of him getting better.

You sound almost frightened of him.

I know it's hard, but you need to be strong, and stand a firm ground on this issue. It's you and the kids, or the drugs - he can't have both.