Invitation Nightmare! PLEASEPLEASE HELP!!! - Long!!

tifnstav

sorry about your situation, it sounds like you're having a hard time.

when are you planning the wedding for? if it is in a few years time things could be different, everyone could be talking and amicable, so don't make a decision just yet.
also, who is paying for it? if its going to involve a contribution from your parents (or one of them individually), it may turn into a sticky wicket.

there is a risk that everyone will want it their way, you just need to remind them that its your day, not theirs. btw, sounds like you have great in laws. all the best to you both and congrats.

paddingtondoo

ruthiejane wrote: »

I'm inviting my Dad, but not his partner. Dad has said he isn't sure that he is going to come without his partner. I'd rather we have an enjoyable day with the family members I do like that just remember the tension caused by having people around that I don't like.

My friend invited both his dad and his new partner but his dad spat the dummy when he found out he wasn't on the top table. He ended up going to the ceremony on his own and then going home as my friend told him that if he didn't turn up he would never speak to him again.

Conversely my OH suggested I invited my ex so it made it easier to get DD to him so we can go away on honeymoon on our own. Not happening I live 160 miles away on purpose

MsChazzer

It sounds like you have made your mind up but what tifnstav says about thinking about when the wedding is, might be different then.

Our parents are both divorced but there shouldn't be too much tension, they'll probably just ignore each other. Not having a top table or set seats so no issues with that. However I am inviting one of my dad's exes but not others, not something you see coming up in etiquette guides!

MoneySavingStudent_2

DKLS - I like your thinking! You sound like youve got everything well sorted out!

tifnstav - We're hopefully planning the wedding for next year in august were just having a look at venues etc to get a definate date and prices etc. My in laws are very nice and they are very happy we got engaged, My OH's grandparents were on holiday when it all happened and they rang us the other day and said they were really pleased and it was about time etc (My OH also says they may contribute to the wedding fund!)
Paying for the wedding were going to be doing ourself! My mum and dad took out life insurance 20 years ago and it matures on the 1st of march and its alot of money which was orginally for mine/my sisters weddings but unfortunatly because of everything happening thats not going to happen anymore as we probs need it for lawyer fees etc


Its just a stupid situation but i have mainly made my mind up for now. He didnt take interest in our family really before it all and then now when we've thrown him out etc he wants to play dad and wants to take my sister out for meals etc and train rides. Which i find extremely annoying because he didnt do it before so whats the point of doing it now?!

DKLS

MoneySavingStudent wrote: »

DKLS - I like your thinking! You sound like youve got everything well sorted out!

Up to yesterday everything was sorted, but the in & out laws have started up their bother again, so after discussing with Fiancee last night, we are thinking change of plan, get married in Barcelona, with 10 close family/friends.
Well it would close the circle, I proposed in Bracelona, so it seems only right to get wed there.

mountainofdebt

My father left my mum for a family friend 5 months before I got married, 18 years ago.

To be honest it was such a nightmare-ish time that I honestly look back at my wedding and know that if I knew then what I know now, I would have cancelled the wedding we had planned and got married in a totally different manner.

In reality that was the last time I spent any length of time with him - I have seen him a couple of times but have avoided him simply because I have no respect for him.

Personally I believe you should invite to your wedding who you want to share your big day with - and not those who you feel should invite - and if it means that you only have 3 members of your family then so be it but at least you won't be walking on egg shells all day.

MoneySavingStudent_2

Okay, Ive done a 'first draft' lets call it of my wedding guest list. 70 people for the ceramony and about 120 for the reception in the evening. Ive started doing rough numbers and looking at venues and at the moment everything seems to be going well.

Because im on a budget, im going to find the perfect wedding dress for about £100, bridesmaid dresses £100 for two (which ive found even cheaper then that). Best men wear, groom wear and grooms fathers wear totalling about £200 so about £50 each which we can bargain down from £59 each. Sooooo at the moment i seem to be going okay with the budget

One thing thats annoying me if one of my friends (who ive know properly for about 2 years) is pushing to be my bridesmaid! Im having two bridesmaid, my 'god sister' who ive known for 18years and my friend who ive know and been very good friends with for about 6 years. But this other friend who i dont actually know that well is pushing to be my bridesmaid and keeps asking who my bridesmaids are!! She has also just got a new boyfriend (whos shes moving in with after 6 months of knowing him and 4 months of being together) she keeps on pushing and asking questions about the wedding! I moved in with my (now) finance in October, she was very jealous. Then its just been annouced that she will be moving in with hers. We (me and my finance) then annouced we were getting engaged etc and getting married in 2009, and shes got so pushy and jealous about it all! To be honist it wouldnt surprise me if she brought her own engagement ring and didnt tell her BF they were engaged. Ooo one more thing, she has a favourite ring that she wears that someone got her for her birthday, that she has now (after me and my finance annouced we were getting engaged) started wearing on her wedding finger!!

Its really annoying me!! Sorry i needed to vent that! Im not being paranoid am i? Shes really annoying me and she so spoilt and sulks when she doesnt get her own way!

Grrr..

nixinix

I haven't read all the repliesso don't know what others are saying but I would say go with your instinct. You don't have to invite him. I got married in 2003 and did no invite my mom - we hadn't, and still, haven't, had a relationship for a long time so it was not a surprise for anyone. It would be harder if you are in toouch with your dad but if you are then maybe you could sit down and explain it to him. I believe that ALL actions have a consequence your dad chose to have any affair which ran the risk of being found out, so he chose to put his family relationships at risk....if one of the consequences of that is he doesn't get to go to his daughters wedding then it was his choice....hope that makes sense

MoneySavingStudent_2

Nixinix - thats right! Im glad you have the same views as me! lol Im doing okay with my planning at the moment and hes not in them. grrr lol

Surfbabe

Have who you want and not who everyone else wants. Its you and you OH's big day and no-one should forget that. As to the friend thats hinting to be a bridesmiad - stick to you r guns tell her you are having two very special people and leave it at that. I ended up having to have 5 bridesmaids because of interference from my 1st husbands family. I t wasn;t what I wanted and i wish I'd stood my ground.

Good luck anyway - it sounds as if you are getting it sorted