In for the longhaul

phoenixchick

I'm in a very strange place at the moment - uncharted territory you could say. This is really just a ramble for me to get all of this out of my head, so feel free to totally ignore it all.

I had been working in my career for the past 7 years with few problems. There was one employer who was less than helpful, but I changed jobs, brushed myself off and carried on. Started again, without management responsibilities, changed my user names to Phoenixchick to mark the fresh start. A little further down the line changed jobs again, better pay, more responsibility and promotion - all seemed well...

Then, I found out, rather unpleasantly, that I was working for a very nasty bully and her sidekick in a very unhealthy working environment. Did what I could, nothing ever good enough. Got a new job to start late April and thought that I could tough it out. But, as it turned out, I was wrong.

Saw the doctor and fell to pieces, blood pressure too high, mild depression. Hmm. I'm so used to just getting on with things, to being 'sensible' and 'normal' and suddenly I feel like some kind of freak. The doctor signed me off work - I'm never going back to that place now - I have to have tests done to find out if there is an underlying cause for the BP or if it is 'just' stress.

So, here I am in a very strange place. I have lots of time on my hands to think and potter and it feels like the first time in years. I have a month before I start my new job. To be honest I feel rather detached from reality, like I'm in a parallel world looking at myself. Changes are going to be made - big ones! My priorities need to change, I will not work my self into the ground for a job - good enough is good enough. I have to start looking after my health properly and I have to remove the worst causes of stress, where possible. Writing on this forum is part of this. Until I was unwell I didn't look at my finances properly, now I feel that, although there is a long way to go, progress has been made, one little corner of my life is now looking more organised and under control.

Although the need for constant control seems to be a big part of the problem, I need to make it work for me, for it to be a positive force. So this is my plan of attack:

• Continue sorting out the finances
• Set strict limits on how much time and energy I put into my new job, and stick to them
• Improve my diet
• Get fit - need to set challenges here as otherwise I will do nothing, so I have signed up for the London 10K in July
• Make time to do things I enjoy, and be a little selfish to get this time if needed
• Rethink what I want from life, what makes me and OH happy

It is time for this phoenix to start rising from the ashes again.

XXX

Beerworshipper

Hey phoenixchick,

I just wanted to say good for you, in this busy go go go hectic sort of a world we find ourselves in it can be so easy to get lifes priorities all askew.

I guess you could mark this period as a mini LBM regarding work! :T

A good mantra is "Work to Live and NOT Live to Work" - something we're all prone to getting wrong at some points in out life but I guess thats just human nature.

I applaud you for realising that your priorities lie elsewhere, specifically your health and your family, after all whats life without those you love nearby and being able to enjoy their presence.:D

Good luck with the London 10K. I'm going to subscribe to your thread and will be cheering you on (in the virtual forum sense at least).

In the mean time, enjoy the next month and having some me time before embarking on your new job.

Good luck.

WorkingHardDFW

Just wanted to say my thoughts and sympathies are with you. Suffering from bullying is horrible and you have done well to endure. You have clearly taken steps to protect yourself and your well being which must be your priority. Your company should have a Bullying and harassment policy for employees like you to raise concerns. You can do this once you have left employment, not that you will gain but it could prevent someone else suffering the same as you.

Good luck with the £10k in July. I ran (most of it anyway) last year and I got such a sense of achievement from doing it. It was about setting myself a goal and achieving it. I've yet to commit to a run for this year but I certainly will do one since running or jogging helps me keep my head straight and my thoughts in order. I do need to have a target though otherwise I drift. A bit like the debts really now I've got a DFD in my sights it makes it easier to cope with the day to day hassles - most of the time anyway.

Perhaps I should commit to doing the London 10k too?:rolleyes:

Life is all about balance and that is something I struggle with a lot as well.

Good luck

Jelly_Babies

Just wanted to say hi phoenixchick

You have made huge leaps and bounds - well done :T

From experience, once you are in control of your finances it is a major first step. I put together a folder and instead of being afraid of the post, I was looking forward to changing my signature etc. I also have about £60k of debt so I can appreciate how daunting the whole journey may seem

Look forward to reading your progress and hope you inspire me

loopylu36

Hi Phoenixchick

Just wanted to say "Hi" (can't find the little man who waves?!).

I have been through a similar experience at work (not bullying tho just "stress of the job"). I ended up seeing the doctor and like you completely fell apart and was signed off with "work related stress" I had already resigned and again like you, didn't go back. I too have always been a "coper" and it felt very strange to not be that "strong" person anymore and it all felt a bit surreal. Personally, i think that was all part of it - you can only hold it altogether for so long.

Unfotunately, i feel i am again heading in the same direction. My job is stressful (same jogb as before different company) and I don't enjoy it but because I am in debt (oh really?!) i do it. I have felt ill all bank hol weekend because all i think about is how much in debt i am and what I'm going to do about it (have taken steps with CCCS but still keep worrying about it) and knowing that i had to come back to a job i hate. Part of the reason i decided to contact CCCs was because i thought that if i got debts under control I could look at a lesser paid job that i could actually enjoy getting out of bed for. BUT CCCS payment is so high I can't do this, although now I am thinking of doing my own DMP anyway, and the net result of me taking a lower paid job will be taking longer to pay of the debt - but i'm beginning to think it will be worth it for my mental health and happiness.

I beleive I suffer from (self diagnosed, as can't bring myself to see a doctor and get "medicated") mild depression(my job is a large part of it as is the debt) and I too, need to get fit and lose weight as I beleive that being healthy will give me back some motivation - currently I have none (this was just limited to work but is spreading to all aspects of my life - i just can't be bothered to do ANYTHING)

Like you, I want to live my life and be HAPPY (as much as i can debts permitting )

Anyway Phoenix, don't want to highjack your thread (sorry think I already have ) but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and i think posting on this site is incredibly cathartic - it's therapy without the cost and sometimes just putting it all down in black and white helps

Take care xx

phoenixchick

Hi and thanks for all your posts. I'm feeling less fuzzy today and writing on here really helps. Posting does make me feel like I have people to talk to, I suppose that is one of the problems with being signed off work - you can feel quite isolated. I was starting to feel a bit like Howard Hughes (but without the money or weeing in milk bottles );) .

I think that there is often a huge pressure to just get on with things and not talk about problems, money or otherwise. I know that I have never felt able to discuss these things with my parents, partly because I don't want to worry them, but partly because it's not the done thing. I seem to have spent so much of my life doing what other people think I should do (or at least what I think other people think I should do).

Luckily I haven't fallen for the housebuying pressure yet, otherwise I have a feeling things would be much worse. It's not that I don't want a place of my own, but I'm not willing to pay through the nose and also I worked in mortgages in the mid-1990s and saw my share of repossessions.

So, the changes I am planning -

1. Sorting out finances - not much happening at this point, need to wait until Friday before I can start making more payments (isn't it odd that I have actually started looking forward to something I used to avoid ). Haven't heard anything from DAF or about my ppi claim, or my OH ppi cancellation - I'll give them a little longer then will chase. Long term, I would like to clear all our debts by 2012 - just think what we could do then with an extra £1400 or so a month (£16800 a year :eek: ), oh my god it makes me feel quite sick _pale_ - "Oh I am fortune's fool!".
2. Get fit - went to the free gym yesterday and had a good workout - I used a podcast (more free stuff!) called couch to 5k, and it was pretty good.
3. Rethink what I want from life - this is where a lot of the pressure comes from as far as doing what people feel you should do. I've got to think carefully about my job - I enjoy it (most of the time) and am good at it, but is it what I want to do for the rest of my life?

Wow, still a lot to think about.

phoenixchick

Oh well, I was getting on a bit of a roll when life decided to kick me in the bum. Was going through some paperwork and found a couple of old debts so I now have to add them to the totals - Argh :mad: . I suppose, on the plus side, I'm pretty sure that now I know everything that we owe :rolleyes: , but it is rather annoying all the same.

I have managed to spread my council tax for next year over 11 months by DD (that is the longest they will do for some weird reason), I have also got them to include the arrears for last year. The payment will be pretty horrid, but at least I won't have to worry about court action on this.

As we haven't heard from our existing letting agent it does not look like anyone will be moving into our flat. I think that we may have to put the move off until the end of the contract (another 5 months), the down side is the cost of petrol, but at least we will be able to save up for the move and put some of the extra money we have for debts.

phoenixchick

Payday! How sad that rather then planning a shopping trip, my first thought is what to pay off! (Actually not sad at all - I love it ).

I decided to update my totals as payments come out as it keeps me motivated seeing the figures gradually reduce. Quite a lot of payments still due to go out, so lots of updating.

Went to the gym yesterday, so am very pleased with myself about that - if I go tomorrow as well that will be 3 times this week :T .

:mad: My evil boss still hasn't told payroll that I should be paid at a higher rate - I can only surmise that she is doing it deliberately, as I have been chasing her about this since October. I'm now owed 7 months payrise - £100 a month approx - £700 :mad: :mad: . How dare she, grrr. This would be very handy for paying off a chunk of my debt or to put towards the move. I have spoken to payroll who say that only she can sort this out. I am now fed up with sending emails that are not opened or acknowledged, so I now have a two point plan to sort her out. I have called my union and asked them to contact her, I am also going to write to her telling her that I have contacted my union and copy the letter to my union and payroll. I'll also send it by recorded delivery so she can't deny getting it.

Tried to make a payment on my car loan and the company can't find any record of it. Free car :j yay!!!! (only joking, unfortunately). To be on the safe side I have moved the payment into my savings account so I don't spend it by accident - this is a big change for me, before I would have just spent it and worried about it later!

On the letter writing front I haven't had a reply from my husband's loan company about the cancellation of his unnecessary insurances, although we know it has been received. Also no response yet to my first ppi reclaim letter. My ongoing dispute with DAF is still up in the air - they haven't replied to my last letter. I think that a secondary round of letters might be in order.

phoenixchick

Just updated the totals, another loan payment has come out - nearly paid off £3k since the end of Feb.

Keeping_Positive

Thats great progress, well done.