Paranoid's Debt Free-Wannabe Diary!

Buffythedebtslayer

Paranoid124 wrote: »

Hey guys,

Thanks for the suggestions CC, but I do prefer the surroundings of a gym and my working hours don't allow me to go for a jog outside without nightvision goggles and a bulletproof vest! So planning to switch to my community leisure centre. They're cheaper, set you up with a programme, and also have a swimming pool which will give a bit of variety.

oh the joys of living in London!

I am doing a 5km run in June, dreading but the "training " starts after the easter weekend and I will be employing the baked beans method! loathe gyms!

Good luck hon

xx

Paranoid124

Been surfing the forum whilst trying to re-jig my finance plans for the next few months.

Good news is I'm still on track for my November DFD (seems so close yet so far away!).

I've decided to increase my holiday budget just to be sure I won't be left out of pocket. This has been done at the sacrifice of my CC repayments, but my reasoning is that if I were to overspend in Rome then I'd take it from another CC at a higher rate, so might as well take it from the Lloyds one which has a low balance transfer rate (4.9%). If I underspend then I can simply send the excess over to the CC.

In terms of bad news, I've just seen CantCope's post saying he's turned things around from a horrible gambling addiction. It's an amazing story and I recommend reading through his posts to see how we did it! Why is this bad news? Well I think its time that I laid everything completely out on the table and explain how I really got myself into this situation in the first place and how until tonight its still haunted me and caused progress in my debt-saving efforts to be slowed.

I have an addiction to !!!!!! chat rooms.

There, I've said it! I'm admitting it as much to myself as to anyone else really!

It initially started back at the end of 2005/start of 2006 when I started getting regular income from a proper job, as well as access to credit cards that allowed me to register on these stupid sites!

Things got worse around mid-2006. Unfortunately I don't know how much I was spending on them back then (you pay by the minute for video conversations with others) as I was very foolhardy with my finances. However it was at least an hour a night if not more.

More recently (i.e. in the last year), I have commonly spent up to £120 in a night...all for about 50 minutes of conversation, and extremely soft live !!!!!!! Over a week I've probably built up about £300 expenses - all of it going onto Credit Cards and Overdrafts!

I've tried so many times to stop, to realise that its destroying me financially and it costs me far more in other areas of my life!

This brings me onto the topic of why I go to them! OK so partly its the erotic nature of them, but I think the other thing is the need for company, to have some stranger to talk to and not worry about consequences of what you say! As I've mentioned too many times already, my work is quite demanding and very long hours. So I find myself alone whenever I get out of work during the working week and this has turned into my relief - something to switch my mind off of things.

This whole mess has only been compounded by building a relationship up with one specific girl - we don't even bother with the live erotica stuff its just chat (not that that redeems it in any way...I'm still spending £80 an hour!).



Anyway, the above is all one big ramble, I'll probably look back on it and cringe, but I feel the more I reveal on here the more it will pay back in the long term (literally!).

I need to give a special thanks for SouthernScouser who recommended that CantCope download a gambling blocker for his laptop and make up a password he cant remember so he'll never have access to them again. I've gone and done similar, downloading a site blocker and specified this site. Unfortunately there wasn't a password setting, but I've deleted all shortcuts and links to the program, and so far I haven't been able to find it listed in any folders - but it still works, it blocks the site!

Tonight I spent £44 on it, and just this second I've loaded the blocker in and swallowed the key...its going to be incredibly tough I know, but I have to do it for the sake of making good my debts and getting through this!


Thanks for listening WWW, you may be anonymous but your great for getting things off one's chest!!

Buffythedebtslayer

hey well done,

that is a huge thing to admit,it must have been really difficult to type all that out.

admitting it is the first step to getting it sorted. and the blocker thing sounds like a bloody good start.

I just wanted you to know in case you decided to delete it later on, that some one saw it and thought welll done and good luck

take care sweetie

xxx

Paranoid124

Hey Buffy,

Yeah I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow feeling a bit embarrassed about it, but the gym pain, painkillers, and the fact its gone midnight have probably put me in a whiter-than-white mode! lol!

I've always been conscious of this weakness, I've just never found a way to stop myself when it comes to the point that I just 'have to' log on!

Thanks for your post, really means alot. Just gone and tried every sneaky way I can think of to load the sites up and there still being blocked so thats good!

I can only hope MoneySaver Forum becomes my new addiction! lol!

Thanks again!

Paranoid124

B*gger! Note to self: Don't install web blocker, swallow key and THEN remember that you haven't closed your user accounts!

Not sure how I'm going to work around this one!!

Paranoid124

Work very quiet today so just looking at other ways to make some extra cash!

I've already got a stash of DVD's and old junk I'm slowly releasing onto eBay, but decided I'm going to be very strict and start shifting more stuff which I never really use....and that means - Games consoles!

At the moment I have an N64, PS2, and Nintendo Wii...and I never really play any of them (N64 is probably most commonly used, and Wii only when I have friends round!).

Just checked on eBay and oh my god how much do they sell for!!!?! I've got about 6 or 7 games and 2 controllers, and from what I can tell I could sell all of it for around £300!!

Unfortunately I don't have the original box for mine, but just did a bit more searching and for £18 I've managed secure original box and manuals. Its a short term cost which will be made up for easily once its sold.

I've now got to think over selling the PS2....bit harder as I love the karaoke games too much!!

chimp_choker

Paranoid124 wrote: »

I have an addiction to !!!!!! chat rooms.

There, I've said it! I'm admitting it as much to myself as to anyone else really!

At £120 an hour I'll get my kit off for you paranoid.... You won't need a site blocker after the first hour my friend, that I'll gauruntee lol.

Seriously though well done for coming out with the problem. addiction takes all sorts of people and destroys them eventually if they are not strong and don't have support. You can be assured of support on these pages by many but I guess not all but you need the strength of caricter to be strong.

Good luck

chimpy

Paranoid124

Thanks CC,

It's weird but I'm not feeling too embarrassed about having declared this last night!?!

The scary thing was reading about other people's addictions and listening to how they reasoned it out in their own minds, and its exactly what I go through! I have been trying hard for quite some time now to stop (I even convinced myself that be 'weaning' myself off them i.e. twice a week, once a week, once a fortnight...would work but it was never a realistic solution!)

I know this site blocker isn't a quick fix to the problem, but hopefully it will at least put in a barrier that will stop me wasting my money and over time I will grow up and out of it!

Only problem now is I haven't cancelled my accounts (which are linked to my CC's) and the blockers are doing their job, I work in IT and have yet to find a way to crack them (although every method I try I am privately praying I dont find a way!)...will probably have to borrow my brothers computer next time I visit to log on and cancel them!


Overall though, I do feel better! Coming home tonight my thoughts did start turning to logging on when I got home, and then I realised I couldn't - and that seemed to flick a switch in my head and I stopped thinking about it!


I feel I'm being very naive and candid about this, but I'm not one to play up my problems, I prefer to state them and then deal with them and this is what I'm trying to do. So if anyone reads any of this and thinks I'm just playing up to the forum for attention please don't take it that way, I really do appreciate your posts!

Paranoid124

Well its a sad night tonight...

After 8 months of hard work I left my project at work and with it a great set of friends! I work in consulting and so we are expected to move between different companies quite alot. The thing is this company was so good to me, made me feel part of their team and gave me the opportunity to prove my worth for a promotion (which I duly got).

We had a farewell meal tonight with the whole team, and they presented me with a leaving card at the end of the night, its full of so many comments and signatures its unbelieveable!! And then I came home tonight to find lots of emails from those who couldn't make the meal...its so touching to know I had some sort of impact on people's day to day working lives (good or bad!)...one girl even felt it worth telling me that her colleague thought I had a really nice accent and commented on it regularly (I held a status call meeting every day for 4 months!)...not sure what to say to that! Lol!

Don't know where I'm heading to next, everything is a bit up in the air at the moment as I've got some job training next week and then on holiday the week after so I don't need to find a new project until mid-April...hopefully something good will come up!

Paranoid124

On the bright side I stuck to my NSD today!