panicking again

nearlyrich

sloughflint wrote: »

Fine in principle if the patients aren't disorientated or have friends and family to do it for them.
What about the rest of them? :mad:

This is my red rag to a bull, I have an elderly mother who had a need for a stair lift to stay in her own home, the alternative being the upheaval of moving into a flat. I fought and got what she needed but what about the poor old dears who accept that the person with the power is always right be it doctor, teacher or whoever because that's how they were brought up?

Soolin I hope you are getting sorted and your dad is feeling better, to the NHS he is an old man blocking a bed but to you he is the dad who brought you up and helped you to get on in life. Everyone should have dignity in their old age and if the government have to divert funding from making prisons into palaces to pay for it they should.

soolin

I was pleased to get my dad out of hospital and the improvement in him within 24 hours was remarkable.

As I mentioend earlier in the hospital he did not get out of bed and on two occasions he was lying in a dirty bed when I got there and the ward stank (he can't really control his bowels). Once they noticed he had a regular visitor, and a stroppy one at that who would complain at sister to get the bed changed dad's care did subtly change. They began to wash him and even comb his hair down.

However like others have said this bodes very ill for those people unfortunate enough to end up in hospital with no one to look out for them as I think nursing support is so stretched they just put it where it is complained about most. My Dad was certainly in no position at all to ask for help, he is very very placid and just does as he is told, and if that means lying in bed for 24 hours a day with no newspaper and no toileting then that is what he does.

Back at the home he is washed and dressed, complete with shirt and tie. I pay for him to have his hair done once a week as he is the only man in the home and the hairdresser calls once a week to smarten up the ladies with a shampoo and set and he was jealous, so he gets a wash and a bit of a fiddle and some brylcreem rubbed through. The staff get him up off the chair about every two hours and walk him to the toilet, just in case, and they insist then anyone able eats at the dining tables, so even if if takes Dad 15 minutes to shuffle there they get him to walk for the exercise and to give him the dignity of eating properly at a table.

I do have a slight worry though and that is holidays, the weekend Dad was taken to hospital I was supposed to be away so unless I am able to claim back on my insurance that's another £350 down the drain..Obviously my dad comes first but it is difficult for my DH who works so hard and was desperate for the long weekend. We were due to go away Easter as well, but I cancelled that as dad was so ill I couldn't see him being able to be left I can't not book to go away, yet if I am away and anything happens I know dad will end up in hospital and not be cared for again until iI get back. This happened a bit at Christmas when he went into hospital the day after I left and just stayed there until I got back to harrass them into telling me what was wrong..

Oh well, I suppose that is something I will have to work round.

One last thing that I thought was dreadfully sad, I was sitting chatting to dad last week when he suddenly looked straight at me and asked 'are you my mum'. I told him I was not and he was so sad as he said he had been told to wait by her and she had never come back for him and he missed her. His mother burnt to death in front of him when he was 4 years old and he did not speak for two years after it happened.

margaretclare

Soolin, I am so glad your Dad is looking better. You are right, some men are used to wearing a collar-and-tie and they should be allowed to do so. I'm very glad that the home is doing all the things you would wish. Getting Dad up and encouraging him to walk every 2 hours is so, so important, whether he wants to 'go' or not, it's the walking that's important. Most falls in elderly people are caused by the leg muscles becoming weak, and why do they become weak - by under-use! I'm a great believer in doing leg exercises even if you're sitting still, simple things, the kind of exercises that are taught for long-haul air passengers.

In addition, the dignity of eating at a table properly is so important. Given that such a lot is said about the shortcomings of care homes, I'm very glad you've found a good one, and it was worth a lot struggling to get him back there.

Very best wishes to you and your Dad

Margaret

soolin

I cannot praise the care home enough, but funnily on first glance it does not look like a good one. I saw dozens, huge stately purpose built buildings where they had whist drives in the afternoon, 40 inch plasma TVs in the residents lounges, starched linen table cloths, the lot.

This is the East End version, more travel lodge chic than private hotel. The room sare very basic, the bedding is all Primark and very well washed, the menu is more of the pie and mash variety than cordon bleu. In the afternoons they play Chas and Dave CDs or have a sing along. On Saturdays they get a bottle of sherry out and the residents have a glass after dinner. This is downmarket, but then dad (and me by default) are workign class and this feels right..the staff are quick to help a resident, they have patience and I have often gone in unannounced and found a resident sitting holding a care workers hand, just for the comfort of touching another human being. They are not left on their own, they obviously sometimes have a sleep in the afternoons but they are always roused and dressed again for their evening meal.

When dad announced on his arrival that he always had a cooked breakfast (no he didn't!) someone was despatched to buy bacon so he didn't go without on his first morning.

This is also the cheapest private care home in the borough, in fact it is £325 a week cheaper than some I saw, although that is not why I chose it, at the time they had the only dementia bed available. It wa sposisbly one of the best decisions I have ever made.

sexyjessie599

margaretclare wrote: »

Hi soolin

You've mentioned another stereotype when describing some of the homes you visited - a huge TV set - it's a stereotype about all older people wanting to watch a lot of TV. Hospitals now have TV monitors by every bed and if you're opposite one, you can't get away from the flickering - the reason why I was so glad to get home and go to sleep following my last very brief hospital stay!

I'm glad the care workers are allowed to sit holding a resident's hand - I've heard of homes in which the care workers aren't allowed even to talk to the residents. DH used to be a volunteer prison visitor years ago, and he says that the worst deprivation is the lack of any physical contact, not even a handshake.

Best wishes

Margaret

Hi there,when I worked as a hsa assistant I worked in the elderly ward where the food was just dumped in front of frail,senile patients and was still intact when it came to clear the trays away.

I was constantly being told off because I was late getting back to the kitchen due to helping frail patients to actually get the bl***y sandwich out of the pack or to help them drink some tea out of the beaker.

I was forever going back to the wards with scrambled egg etc to try to encourage them to eat a little bit,my manager told me it was not my job/problem etc.

I eventually left as I found myself waking during the night worrying about one or other of the patients who had not eaten/drunk during my shift,I just couldn't stand it any longer.
Jess

margaretclare

sexyjessie599 wrote: »

Hi there,when I worked as a hsa assistant I worked in the elderly ward where the food was just dumped in front of frail,senile patients and was still intact when it came to clear the trays away.

I was constantly being told off because I was late getting back to the kitchen due to helping frail patients to actually get the bl***y sandwich out of the pack or to help them drink some tea out of the beaker.

I was forever going back to the wards with scrambled egg etc to try to encourage them to eat a little bit,my manager told me it was not my job/problem etc.

I eventually left as I found myself waking during the night worrying about one or other of the patients who had not eaten/drunk during my shift,I just couldn't stand it any longer.
Jess

If it's not the job of the ward staff to help people to eat - assuming they can't help themselves - then who the hell's job IS it, for heaven's sake!

Trying to get a sandwich out of a pack is not the easiest thing in the world even if you have your normal dexterity and could be impossible if you hadn't.

Apparently it's possible to become severely malnourished to the point of starvation, during a hospital stay. Have a look: http://www.ageconcern.org.uk/AgeConcern/hungry2bheard.asp

Margaret

chesky369

About six years ago I was 58 and developed pneumonia, got taken into hospital and because they were short of beds, was put on a geriatric ward, much to my fury and disgust (not even being eligible for a bus pass at that time). I was APPALLED at how the nursing staff treated the majority of the older patients - they just treated me like the naughty teenager, since I was so much younger and stroppier than everybody else. They were casually rude - not really meaning to be, but stemming from a slight contempt for their charges in a way which they would not have got away with had everyone been 20 years younger.

soolin

sloughflint wrote: »

Thank you soolin. You've helped me with something.
Having seen several programmes on the TV regarding terrible treatment of the elderly in care homes and my shocking ( and I mean utterly shocking but won't clutter with anecdotes) experiences with hospitals, doctors, social services, care agencies, I have been petrified about the possibility of a relative of mine needing to go into a residential environment.
Perhaps it's not all doom and gloom after all.

I too had seen those programmes and in fact when dad was still well he made me promise faithfully that I would never put him in a home. Yet looking at dad now he is still dad and there is no way I could cause him any harm or not wish him here with me. I don't think he is happy as such, in fact emotion is one thing that a dementia patient loses, but he is certainly content. In fact when he has lucid moments he tells me he is happy being with other people as he was often lonely being on his own at home, he does love to watch people do things as well and takes great pleasure in observing washing being hung on the line or similar mundane things.

I would honestly say that I don't really have any problem or guilt about putting dad where he is, in fact while I am at work I am more content as at least if he has a problem someone will call me and tell me. Previously when he lived alone he was mentally sound but liable to sudden collapses and two years ago ended up black and blue after falling on a busy road and nearly being run over by a bus..and then I didn't know for three weeks as he just claimed to be too ill to have vistitors and just made do with telephone conversations with me.It was his GP that eventually called me to say that he was concerned, and I drove down and found dad in a terrible state.

He is now warm, well fed (he has put on 2 stone in weight), he has constant companionship around him and he doesn't need to worry about anything, except whether to have ribena or orange juice with his meal. He is so content that when I offered to buy him a TV and DVD fo rhis room he refused as he said he would prefer to alway ssit out in th emain lounge 'for the company'.

I am sure there are homes out there that are not as good, but with someone to monitor things and pay unexpected visits I think residents are fine. Even changes to dad's medication are telephoned through to me for approval so that no one can ever drug dad without me knowing. Due to hiccoughs that he had for several weeks non stop they put him on a strong drug often used for severely damaged psychiatric patients, on that occasion I had to go down and see the medical charts and confirm that I understood why this drug was being given and that it was OK. Then when it didn't work they stopped it immediately.

I know we have threads on here about hiding assets so the state can't get an older person's assets, but I hope people realise that when a loved one needs care the money suddenly doesn't matter at all. I would do anything, pay all of dad's money over if necessary for the best care I can give him. I just pray the money lasts as long as dad does. If dad had been on 'The State' then he would be in a home 20 miles away from me that has a mix of beds so he would have bene with violently distressed patients, some that needed nursing and some that were just homeless, by paying we have moved dad to a home 7 minutes drive from my door that only has demntia patients and dementia trained staff.

soolin

sloughflint, it isn't easy and should you ever find yourself in this situation then you will lose sleep over it. Even now I am crying as I type this as I just want my dad back. I am still his daughter and he is still my dad and I love him, my consolation is that he is not truly aware of what is happening, he varies to believing he is in a hotel in Germany (he loved foreign holidays) to being in my house with my MUm who has just popped out to hang the washing. However hard it gets though I know he is cared for.

When he first went into the home I actually went and got him and bought him home and for one mad moment I thought i would keep him here and make everyone else go away..but he got a bit upset as he didn't know where he was and when I reluctantly took him back he was very relieved. I think from the looks the staff gave me they knew what I had been thinking..and I think they had seen it all before.

sexyjessie599

margaretclare wrote: »

If it's not the job of the ward staff to help people to eat - assuming they can't help themselves - then who the hell's job IS it, for heaven's sake!

Trying to get a sandwich out of a pack is not the easiest thing in the world even if you have your normal dexterity and could be impossible if you hadn't.

Apparently it's possible to become severely malnourished to the point of starvation, during a hospital stay. Have a look: http://www.ageconcern.org.uk/AgeConcern/hungry2bheard.asp

Margaret

Hi Margaret I was employed to serve meals/collate menu's and serve drinks etc but nearly always ended up feeding one or other of the patients because they just couldn't do it themselves.

We were on a tight schedule,limited amount of time for each task etc so I was nearly always in trouble getting back to the main kitchen later than everyone else.
Glad I left because I was miserable seeing how they just left sick and frail old people to go downhill in front of my eyes.

I have seen perfectly normal people come in on a Monday and by the following Monday they look like victims from a concentration camp(told my husband I thought they were being drugged) thats why I left, I found myself watching when meds were being given out and started to get quite paranoid about everything, it was horrible.
Jess