help deep in debt

delboypass

If we all stopped cotton wooling the under lying problems then perhaps these problems would go away.
Rather than dealing with the immediate problem, the effect of her debt, tackle the real issue which is the cause of the debt.

And i dont believe any of my comments were harsh.

Squiffy

delboypass wrote:

Rather than dealing with the immediate problem, the effect of her debt, tackle the real issue which is the cause of the debt.

Now that is useful :rolleyes: advice. The husband has had a nervous breakdown, and therefore cannot work. How do you suggest they tackle the cause of the debt that they cannot service?

These forums are not a playground for insensitive fools to pass judgement on other people. The OP is asking for advice and support. She did not ask for condemnation or criticism.

delboypass wrote:

And i dont believe any of my comments were harsh.

Well they were. You are becoming quite a nasty piece of work on these forums as your comments here and elsewhere show.

To the OP, without specific details of the equity in your house it is hard to give firm advice. If there is enough equity, then an obvious solution is to sell your home to settle your debts. Unfortunately this will probably be a cause of some stress while your husband is unwell.

pug_in_a_bed

The OP has not asked for us to judge her, force her to wear a hair shirt or confess her sins.

I'm sure she is well aware of the mess she has got into and there is no need for her to explain the reasons, she has merely asked for some help. I'm sure she has beaten herself up enough.

Lets draw a line under this unnecessary and unhelpful commentary.
It's going to scare people away, and I for one am getting sick of seeing the same unhelpful treatment and remarks over and over again. I respect peoples' right to have an opinion but this forum is not the place to criticise and batter people down.

Dammam

delboypass wrote:

If we all stopped cotton wooling the under lying problems then perhaps these problems would go away.
Rather than dealing with the immediate problem, the effect of her debt, tackle the real issue which is the cause of the debt.

And i dont believe any of my comments were harsh.

People don't come here to be told they shouldn't have got in the trouble that they are in - they already know that. They are sensible enough to come in and ask advice from others with more experience and perhaps first hand knowledge on the best way to tackle the problem.
Once you have been in heavy debt, the last thing you want to do is fall into the same trap again. A generalisation I'm sure, but I'm equally sure that it's true 95% of the time.

This type of judgemental crap help nobody. The OP has already addressed the causes of the debt - it's time to deal with the effect. If not now, then when??????

Nickynoo1

I'm sorry that i dont have some really great advice for you, but just wanted to give you some support, it must be really hard for you right now.

Can you call the mortgage people, explain the situ and maybe get some breathing space. Maybe get a lodger, or a foriegn exchange student??

good luck

Nickynoo1

meanmachine_2

First things first, you MUST contact the mortgage company, tell them your circumstances and they might give you a payment holiday (putting the missed payments onto the mortgage).

Secondly, your husband will have to look after the kids, you will have to go out to work.

You are computer literate and articulate. You can get a good job, and above all it will give you back CONTROL.

You have been given a great opportunity - the council has discounted your step onto the ladder. I would love someone to do that for me, but alas it ain't going to happen.

Above all else, do not lose the house. Once your finances have improved, and your hubbie has gained confidence from looking after the kids, then your situation should improve. If I had large debts which I was unable to pay off, I think I'd be depressed.

This is a bleak time for you, but if you address your problems head on, you should be OK. Don't go back to the council again. They have already given you ample help.

No nonsense advice, but that's my opinion.

EDIT: Ah, just noticed you're pregnant. Ok, that changes things. Is there home work you could do? Hairdressing, something like that?

dprovan

Hi, I wish I had advice to offer but Im not as financially astute as others around here. I just wanted to offer some words of support and to challenge some of the henious views placed on this thread already challenged by others.

Delboypass your comments are insulting to me who is not involved in this situation I do however feel sorry for you because unlike the original poster who is trying to improve her situation you have something which is far more damaging and long term and that is a rotten heart. To make such comments which are ignorant in every sense of the word, in a thread when someone is clearly asking for help is really low. I haven't posted this as someone who believes we need to wrap everyone in cottonwool however had you had any insight and compassion you'd have understood how difficult a situation this is. I do not have the difficulties the original poster has but is my life so unique and blessed that something couldn't happen to change my plans drastically,,,the answer is no and for that reason alone the most basic anyone should have to offer is a sense of compassion, I really feel you should be ashamed of your comments I almost feel ashamed for you....

meanmachine whilst I appreciate that your post is very upbeat and full of a number of good ideas, I just wanted to balance it with a note of caution. A nervous break down is not a bad day,,, as I appreciate you will understand it is a life changing event and very debilitating. And whilst it would be great to believe picking yourself up, dusting yourself down solves things,it is seldom as simple as this. Couple this with the fact that looking after 3 kids is probably one of the most stressful and demanding jobs going I think that it is far from an easy alternative....

I feel the other suggestions to speak with citizens advice is the best option, also is there support from family/friends etc to liaise consult these agencies involved because Im sure you have alot on your plate just now....

Remember this doesn't need to be forever, this can be a temporary hitch, as it sounds to me as though you are strong enough to get through this.

truely good luck.

fast_track

as you are already with the CAB I would go back to them. With the discount from the council repayable then it may be that the official receiver would treat this as no equity and not sell the house if you went bankrupt. Your CAB should know the views of your local receiver - other alteratives could be to remortgage to an interest only mortgage over a longer term. Also are you claiming all the benefits you can have? If you are claiming Income Support that will pay the mortgage in time and as your insurance was invalid because( I guess they either said pre existing medical condition or we don't actually ever pay out) the CAB may be able to find a way to cut the waiting time. I hope you have also claimed Council Tax benefits. Your husband may also be entitled to DLA - if gets this at the higher or middle rate you could then get carer's allowance. Good luck with the baby

Cullumpster

delboypass wrote:

Perhaps you should also think about not having kids if you cant afford them.
This country has to start learning that Kids are not a luxury.
I know this may sound a bit harsh but people are just getting bailed out by the government

I'm really sorry if it sounds like i'm upsetting the apple cart or hijacking this thread but i can't believe some of the comments that this certain person is making to people that have come onto this site and asked for help.

I'm not a regular on this forum at all i usually stick to OS but i've just recently got myself into a bit of a dither and thought i'd see if i could get any *helpful* advise form some of you guys.

The thing is i have now read at least 2 threads where delboypass has made nasy, horrivble and to be honest down-right rude comments, now as i've already said i'm not a regular on here and don't really know what i'm talking about, but after being a member for a fair while i'd be too nervous to post on here in case i got shot down.

Please be nice, just because you may think it, it doesn't mean you have to put it down and make the OP's situation worse by handing out comments like that.

Sorry to rant on, but i find it so maddening when someone is *Genuinely* asking for help and not getting it


OK Rant over ............for now :mad:

adminannie

Hi I simpathise with your problems, as there for the grace of God goes alot of people. anyway my point is I understood from a friend who went bankrupt that they cant make you sell the house if you have small children. My friend sold hers trying to make all her payments and later was told that she could have stayed in her house as she had 2 children Annie