Helping 14 month old stay asleep at night when newborn comes home?

[Deleted User]

This is one of my major concerns when our newborn to be comes home. We've had a hard time with our son sleeping through at night (mainly due to being dummy dependant and us rushing in too soon) and its only been since November when we implemented controlled crying, that he sleeps through till 6.30ish.

However I am keen not to undo all the hard work but I realise a newborn crying in the night is bound to disturb him and then we'll have two to settle. I can forsee this becoming a habit as he's a light sleeper.

They will be in seperate rooms albeit next to each other. Please advise on what you would do, I am exhausted from this pregnancy and having a 14 month old to look after and I am worried about how I will cope with two small children being both up in the night. I am still suffering from PND and don't want to go under.

I'm hoping to bf the newborn but being realistic that we may have to use bottles. If we can get the newborn to take room temp bottles at night that would help and a bf would be quick to stop the crying as well. Both of those would limit moving around the house too much and waking Jack up.

Oh I don't know am I worrying to much about nothing.....?

Gingham_Ribbon

You may be worrying unnecessarily. My baby didn't wake at all during the night, and because he wasn't well I had to set my alarm to feed him during the night!

Later, he did start to wake in the night and my oldest hasn't been disturbed by him once. We're not in the room next to his any more but even when we were it didn't wake him up.

Being realistic, if there is no medical reason for not breastfeeding you have every chance of being successful at it, provided you get support, so try to focus on making sure you get the help you need, then there's no faffing around in the night and you can feed him before he's even woken properly - no need to cry! And when he does cry, maybe have a system of taking him to a room away from your toddler's room so he's not disturbed?

It'll work out. Try not to worry.

beefcarrot

It sounds odd, but my daughter was a really light sleeper until her brother was put in the room with her. She now sleeps through pretty much everything!

Mummy_Jo

Hi

I have two children 22 months apart. I was very worried about our daughter waking our son up but that didn't happen. To be honest we still have problems with our son going through the night as he suffers from very vivid dreams. I get up to him more times than our 14 month old daughter. However, when he is asleep she does not wake him at all. We have even stayed in hotels and she has screamed for ages and still not woken him. I exclusively breastfed both of mine and I think that does help with the night time feeds.

I understand that you are worried and I can only tell you from my experience that things are hard in the beginning but at around 6 months you seem to climb over a huge mountain and things improve. Your baby will be in a routine (hopefully helped by the introduction of solids) and your older child will be that bit more independent and helpful too. From about this time I managed to sync their afternoon naps and that made a big difference to me as that meant I had an opportunity to catch up on lost sleep.

If you have family or close friends living close rope them in to help you - even if its holding the baby whilst you go and get a shower/do the ironing etc. I live several hundred miles away from my parents and friends. Take all help that is offered to you and don't put too much pressure on yourself to be a "supermum".

I have found that having little routines to help me keep on top of the housework helped to maintain my sanity in the beginning - after all you have to eat well if you are breastfeeding.

I hope that it all works out for you and that you older child doesn't wake up. I have had it when they have both been awake before (one was ill) and I just sat with both of them on my knee swapping sides when I needed to. Its amazing what you can do when you have to. Do you know any other people who have kids that close together? It might help chatting to them as they will have tried little techniques that work for them

GOOD LUCK & CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR UPCOMING DELIVERY!

Murdina

I think you are worrying unnecessarily, though it's entirely understandable when you have had a nightmare time trying to get baby to sleep and, having cracked it, don;t want to risk anything undoing that.

Think about it this way. If your new baby wakes for a feed, will you not wake yourself pretty much right away and give the feed (and breastfeeding is a lot easier and quieter). So not really so much time for the older baby to hear and wake up.
Also, will you not have the new baby in with you at first? That would save moving around.

Children do sleep very deeply once they get into a routine. All 3 of mine, including a toddler, slept all night on the night when we were burgled, even though we had not only burglars but the entire local constabulary including dog handlers in and around our house!

Hope all goes well with the new baby and try not to get too anxious. It will be hard work at first whatever happens, but it'll be lovely having the 2 of them.

Cruiksl

You mentioned that your son is dummy dependent for sleep. We took the dummy away from both our kids after their first birthday and replaced it with a soft toy that they liked. We made sure that the toy was a replacement for the dummy by using it as a comforter. It took a couple of sleepless nights for each of them to get used to not having the dummy but it does become easier. I'm pretty laid back when it comes to dummies as I think each to their own.

Also I know your baby is due at any time, but if you've got time do some batch cooking and get it in the freezer. There's nothing worse than when you're tired having to prepare a meal and if you've had a bad night then it's even worse.

Where possible as well - try and sleep when they sleep. I've got a 25 month gap between my two and I used to try and get them down for an afternoon nap at the same time. It gave me some sane time as well :j Sometimes I went for a nap, sometimes I just chilled. Housework took a backburner :rotfl:

I also have the same night time routine for them. They're bathed together and have been ever since we brought ds home from hospital and have a story together and then put into their seperate rooms. Their rooms are next to each other and I can think of very few occassions where they've woken up because the other one was crying.

hth

[Deleted User]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I will try to answer all the questions.

I am hoping to bf this baby but I was very unsuccessful with our son, only managed 2 weeks and that was with top up formula feeds. He was also jaundiced and not getting enough milk to shake it off. I wasn't producing enough from the start and never felt like I was doing it right. I lost A LOT of weight in two weeks and ended up feeling shakey and disorientated. I went down to nearly 7 stone, a stone lighter than when he was conceived. So I don't want that happening again.

I have already done some batch cooking with my mum and its in the freezer ready.

I guess I am worrying about the birth and afterwards as my experience of our son and being a parent for the first 12 weeks were horrendous and seeing as that is all I have to go on/all that I know, I am frightened of history repeating itself.

Jack still has a dummy for his sleeps but its now attached to his grobag on a lead and he can predominently find it and soothe himself, so its not really an issue anymore. He also has his comforter blankie which he takes to bed with him and loves to burrow into.

A kind person PM'd me and suggested overheating a formula bottle and keeping it in a insulated bottle bag, so that would be quicker than going downstairs.

I am keeping optimistic about breastfeeding, I have deliberately tried to gain more weight this time, as I did lack reserves, am hopefully going to a birthing centre where i'm told the after care is excellent including getting bf established and my local area has just started a bf support group which meets weekly.

Thanks for your advice, I think I am now so exhausted by being near the end of the pregnancy that its hard to see the wood through the trees. I have PGP as well and am not getting much sleep day or night. I want this baby out now, I am so uncomfortable.

Cruiksl

I think this has already been mentioned but couldn't see it when I was scanning the posts.

How about getting the baby used to taking milk at room temperature if the bfeeding doesn't work. We used to bring the bottles of water upstairs and have milk in a container and just made them up as needed. Meant it didn't need to be heated and also if you were out and about, then you're not looking for a way to heat the milk. We also did this with jars of food so that ds was used to eating them warm or cold.

I hope the bfeeding goes well for you. My two were very different - dd - my first took to bfeedling like a dream and I didn't realise the problems that people had. Ds - my second was a nightmare from day one, I ended up stopping at 2 weeks as well as I was crying whenever I had to feed him because it was such agony.

hope all goes well for you.

Ice_2

all I can say is every baby is different every birth is different...you'll be ok I was in labour from friday morning until sunday morning my son was born at 11.05am I was so glad...just go with the flow...try to put the 1st birth out of your head...as this one wont be the same...they never are...hope all goes well and let us know when it happen's congratulation's on your up-coming arrival...:Dwe'll be all cheering for you hun...:A

kmate

We have recently put up shelves, using a drill, in the room next to our sleeping baby!
I kept popping my head round the door to check, but he slept right through, unbelievable!

It sees to me, that when they really want to sleep, nothing will wake them.
Also, if the noise is a familiar noise (which baby bro or sis will be before long) I think that is less likely to wake them as opposed to a sudden,strange noise.

We also had dummy dependancy, in fact they went to bed with one in their mouth and one in each hand! We found that they woke up alot due to losing the dummies in the night, and after an initial period of dummy-cold-turkey they slept a whole lot better.

On the milk front, if bf doesnt work out and you end up using formula, could you try using the ready-made stuff during the night? Its just that you could give this at room temperature, as the do in hospital.Take it upstairs at night. Use the cheaper powdered stuff during the day? saves everyone being up and about in the night.

Hope this helps in a small way, and good luck!

[Deleted User]

Thanks for those ideas. Ideally if I can't bf, then room temp bottles would be the way to go and my preffered choice for the reasons mentioned above. However I am unsure how to go about introducing a room temp feed, I did try with Jack but he was having none of it!

For instance say I try bf for a week or so, baby has already had a taste of warm milk, then has to adjust to formula, which they may or may not take straight away, but should I make that warm from word go and then gradually heat it less and less till room temp or just go straight in with room temp formula from bf.

Thanks again for your help.