Separation - Won't let me take kids

europa16

I really don't know what to do here...

Foe a number of years, I suffered verbal, and occassional physical abuse from my husband while he was drinking. I walked out last year and took the kids, but came back after a week when he promised never to be like that again. For some months things were good, however things are beginning to turn bad again, and I can see what may happen if I don't get out of this marriage soon.
I told him I'd had enough and wanted out, and he's basically said there's no way I'm taking the kids again, and I can feel what he felt if I go

What can I do?

I really can't stand being here at the moment and if I go, can I trust him not to get !!!!!! while looking after the kids, and would I get the m back. He's already thrown the fact I'm "mentally ill" in my face and wouldn't stand a chance of custody (I'm on citalopram and am getting help for it from the NHS).

Thx

Browntoa

this is mental abuse, there are groups you can talk to about what to do next (leaving the children behind does NOT have to be an option , you CAN take them despite what he says !! )

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/ 0808 2000247 24hrs a day

Women and children need to know that they will be taken seriously and that their rights will be enforced. They need to have accessible options and be supported to make safe changes for themselves and their children. Resources and support they will need to leave safely include: money, housing, help with moving, transport, ongoing protection from the police, legal support to protect her and the children, a guaranteed income and emotional support. If a woman is not sure if these are available to her, this may also prevent her from leaving.
Women may also seek support from family or friends and the quality of the support they receive is likely to have a significant influence on their decision-making. Sometimes women will make several attempts to leave before they actually leave permanently and safely. Regardless of her decision, it is important that the support a woman receives enables her to increase her and her children's safety regardless of the choices she makes about her relationship to the abuser.

It also is vitally important that women are also supported whilst living with an abuser. If she feels that she will be excluded from ongoing support if she does not leave, she is unlikely to seek help from the same person or organisation again.

Browntoa

also these

http://www.refuge.org.uk/page_l1-2_l2-28_.htm

Rupa

I lived in a Womens Aid refuge for six months. It was FABULOUS. Support for me and the kids, a door to shut if I wanted to be alone, I really felt shut away from the world (in a good way). Don't be afraid of trying it. The place I was was quite big and there were other children there. Everyone had a self contained unit though so didn't have to socialise if they couldn't/didn't want to.

Please ring them, just to talk.

*Louise*

Get out, and take your kids with you.

If you don't trust him with them (you said he might get drunk) then don't consider leaving them - sneak out while he's out if you have to.

There is help you can get (women's aid/refuge) you just have to reach out and take it.

As for the mental health issue - apparently 1 in 4 people will suffer from some sort of mental health prob...you have already sought and are getting help for yours, so don't let him use it against you.

Be strong - and good luck

(((HUGS)))

shazrobo

there is no reason anybody would stop you having custody of your kids, i'm on citalopram, and under the mental health team, and i have custody of my sons.
get out of this relationship, and keep yourself and the kids safe
shaz x

hobo28

What is your "mental health" issue? Isn't citalopram prescribed for depression? If he's been emotionally and physically abusing you then I'm not surprised you have been prescribed them. It's not a big deal and I'd ignore his hollow threat.

journ

I would leave with your children please don't let him stand in your way because he will feel he has power over you .
My lovely mum stayed with my s*** father for years because she was too afraid to leave but my mum waited until he went out and we left .
You don't think children are not taking things in but today i remember every day of living in hell.

floss2

Why should he have custody when he has been verbally, mentally & physically abusing you? What "rule" says that he would not do that to your children?

He is bullying you by telling you this. You need to take yourself & them to a safe place, when you have the next opportunity.

the_other_mce

journ wrote: »

I would leave with your children please don't let him stand in your way because he will feel he has power over you .
My lovely mum stayed with my s*** father for years because she was too afraid to leave but my mum waited until he went out and we left .
You don't think children are not taking things in but today i remember every day of living in hell.

What she said!!!!
Please don't wait too long - you will be setting your kids up for a lifetime of abuse/victimisation if you don't show them how strong you can be - they will learn from you. You have to set limits for children and the same goes for partners - you are not a doormat - you are a person who needs respect. A few months in a refuge will not affect your children as much as a lifetime of fear and concern for you.
Good Luck

leoetal19

sweetie x citrolopram?? soooo not a reason to stop u having custody of ur kids. verbal n psychological abuse n alcohol misuse-slightly more significant.
you are a woman you are stronger than you know. you are a mum which makes you powerful.
abuse is about power. take it away from him my love. he can only ever have the power over u that you allow. stop permission.
do you have friends or family who could give u a cushion to get strong?? if not try the advice as above. be strong n brave n u will come out the other side happy n loved by your kids. he wont be your problem x good luck n big big HUGS HUGS XXXXXXXXXXXXX