i'm new and need to offload in cyber space

HHH_2

Hi I'm sorry you feel so down, I remember feeling the same a year or so ago but my life has been turned around by one simple phone call to CCCS. They have a website ( not C-C-C-S but CCCS) where you can put everything in and get some idea of your options BUT it's even better when you speak to them, I spent a while in tears on the phone but through CCCS,s help I now feel incontrol of my debts and I have a life again, albeit not a high spending one. You sound at the end of your tether, several people have suggested seeing your doctor, very good advice but you also sound like you're trying to put a very brave face on a very difficult situation so maybe you dont want to do that yet. keep posting or at least lurking, I've found this site invaluable if only because I dont feel so alone. no one outside cyberspace knows about my debts so this site has kept me sane! You can and will get through this. good luck with that phone call!

emmy05

hi, im so sorry you feel this way, i would hate for anyone to feel this down, youve made a very good start, these ppl round here are amazing and really do care, ive not been here long, and tbh im making the most of how not to get into debts and making the most of getting money, i was thinking about the bankrupt way as well, cos you do have alot to pay, however im not an expert in this, so i wish you luck and send you the warmest of hugs too xx

Triker

Firstly hello and welcome
:hello:
you are now amongst friends who know better than most how wretched you're feeling and alone.......but from now on that will change.;)

Firstly we can all freely offer support and advice and secondly we freely offer friendship so you no longer feel so alone.:D

So I'm going to get straight to the point, the fact that you are feeling suicidal is the most important issue here.

You are clearly grieving and not sleeping and eating is all having an effect on your physical and mental wellbeing.

Can I ask you to do a little something for me, please will you ring your Doctor and have a chat?

If you don't feel able to at the moment please will you ring these people,


http://www.samaritans.org/

Can you let us know how you are today and where we can support you. Just being listened to helps you know and we're all here to listen.

Why, because at some point someone listened to us and it helped.


I'm not going to bombard you with advice re the debts just yet, that'll come later , but for today we would just ask that you get yourself back online here and let us know how you are doing.

If I could I'd make you one of these :coffee: but for now you'll have to settle for one of these :grouphug: xxx

Please keep us updated on how you are doing, we worry you know.xx

miss_corerupted

really don't despair!! suicde will not solve anything even with life insurance it would be invalid.
i really would speak to oyur son. I was paying my parents £30 a week rent from the day i turned 16!! it's only fair i went to college full-time, worked saturdays in a restaurent and worked evenings washing dishes in another restaurent.

Triker

Just bumping up.....:D

aligerdie

ivehadenough I just want to send you a big hug. (can't find the little smiley though..)

I've just read your post and i just had to reply. Nothings ever so bad that you should consider suicide. There are people you love who need you, and because of the way you're feeling I think you should see your doctor. The relief of just talking to someone will make you feel so much better.

Anyway, you're here now, there's so many fantastic people here who can give you fabulous advice, you're not alone anymore.

The main thing is to get yourself better. Everything seems so much worse when you're tired and run down. Please look after yourself.

Have you thought of hinting to your son to get a job? even if its something that doesn't pay much, it would only seem fair to pay his way a bit, every little helps in the word of Mr T .

I'm wishing you luck, come back soon and talk to everyone, people here want to help you, and many of them have been in the same place too.

remember, nobody can take what you haven't got. xxxxx

chevalier

ivehadenough wrote: »

i dont know if anyone will read this but i just cant sleep cos i've basically had enough of my never ending financial problems, i work in Accounts, i'm sick of re-doing spreadsheets showing my own incomings and outgoings, you are having a lightbulb moment, well done for coming on here.

i am living in rented accommodation that i so cant afford with my 16yr old son, who isnt in full-time college nor employment at this time, i get no financial support for him whatsoever and even if he found a job next week i cant expect him to take on my financial burdens, whilst he cannot take on the whole burden, if he is not in college or employement, then he should be signing on and make a contribution from his JSA. I was on the dole at a bit older than that, and I was still expected to give something for my keep. You cannot shield him totally from this, and anyway, he needs to learn that houses/ heating/food etc cost. I am sure that if you explain that he needs to get a job, or go back to college, then he will understand.

i have £30K of debt that i've inherited from a previous marriage, i stupidly put it in my sole name so he happily left me with it, i am sick of re-negotiating minimum payments to the 5 creditors, i have gotten down to as little as averaging £20 per month x 5 creditors so you have not buried your head in the sand, you have been proactive and got your payments reduced. Does this mean that they have stopped adding interest too? If you feel that managing it yourself is too much, then speak to CCCS or Payplan about a debt management plan (DMP). Though you may need to check your terms and conditions of employment to see if doing a DMP is a no no.

but on top of my rent, have you checked whether you are entitled to any help? Have a look on www.entitledto.co.uk to see if you qualify for anything.
council tax Have you got the single persons discount? Also you can ask to pay over 12 months not 10, which spreads the load a bit.

and utility bills, if you have NEVER switched suppliers, you don't need to wait for the utilities to raise their prices, you will almost certainly save money by switching. Have a look at www.uswitch.com to check if you can get a cheaper supplier, then have a look at www.quidco.com, to see if any suppliers are offering cash back for switching to them.

Also make sure that your thermostat for your heating and hot water are turned down as much as possible. Eg if your heating is set at 21 degrees or over, then turn it down to 19 degrees and put on a jumper. This will save you about £70 a year. If your water comes out of the hot tap scalding, then it is set to high and can come down. Will also save you pounds.

Do you have a hippo in your water cistern for the toilet? If not I think you can get them free from your water company, they save a litre a flush. Then showers instead of baths, and remind your son that he doesn't need to be in the shower 20 mins to get clean!!!!:D
groceries how much do you spend a month? Couple of things to give the shopping bill a break. Firstly list everything in your cupboards/freezer and then see how long you can go just making meals out of there - ie just buying milk and veggies each week. I was amazed how long I could go without restocking, just by planning out meals.
and running of my car, if you have been with the same insurer for years, then you will almost certainly get your insurance cheaper if you switch. What I did was get a quote from www.confused.com and asked my current insurer to match it. They did without blinking, and I save £123:D :T . Also you can go to the council run MOT test centres and probably get a more honest test that way, as they don't do repairs.

i just cant cope with it all, that's right you can't cope with it all ALONE. But you are not alone now, you have us for support - emotional if not financial.

i literally dont know what i've left to both living for, your son, your daughter and your grandchild. They would be horrified if they thought you were suffering this way over MONEY. If your son doesn't want to move in with your daughter this is why he has to contribute something to the pot.

i know i sound like i'm trying to be some poor little victim here but i just feel like moaning and groaning but you are a victim, there is nothing shameful in that. You have suffered two of the most stressful events going recently, death in the family and divorce. It isn't any wonder that you are feeling low, not knowing where to turn etc. One of the main props of your life has been taken away, and that on its own would be hard to deal with.

i cant even afford a hair cut every month, I know I am being very practical, but you could check out the local college they often need models to learn on.

i literally work all month to find i cant buy myself a book there is www.readitswapit.co.uk I think where you literally do what it says in the name, you read a book and then swap it with someone else. Also the library service will get any book you want (maybe a small fee). Or you could fund your reading habit as I do (I am a terrible book worm), by selling books on amazone, www.greenmetropolis.com or www.ebay.co.uk.

its that ridiculous, am sick of people talking of booking holidays, treating themselves etc, And I bet every single one of those people, are putting there holidays and treats on credit. With the credit crunch coming, there are suddenly going to be a lot of people who can't get credit any more, that have always lived in debt, and who are going have a very painful awakening.

i dont buy weekly shops anymore, i stopped that months ago, i just pick up a few bits here and there for my son and thats nothing special, as other posters have said you need to eat right, as otherwise this will contribute to your low mood. So value price everything, shop late at night when they reduce stuff that you can then freeze, meal plan, get your son involved - teaching him to cook will make him an in demand flat mate when the time comes!

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I hope that some of this makes some sense. If you could put up a statement of affairs on here, then maybe we could help you trim the fat a bit more, so that you could at least eat right.

Ref the son going to the nightclub - that is what a job if for to give you some money, and some spends for him to go socialising. You will have to be strong on this, you just can't fund him and that is that.

I really hope you come back on and let us help. You sounded so desparate that I had to ramble on a bit.
chev

bountiful

Just bumping too - am watching and waiting......

affordmylife

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.

Things look bleak now but they will improve.

What plans does your son have for the future.

If he goes to college he may be able to get EMA.

Or is he jobhunting?

I think you should still be able to get something for him have you asked benefits office?

Please post up when you get home. You are among friends here.

frosty

Just wanted to say welcome and please come back so we can all help you.