i'm new and need to offload in cyber space

ivehadenough

i dont know if anyone will read this but i just cant sleep cos i've basically had enough of my never ending financial problems, i work in Accounts, i'm sick of re-doing spreadsheets showing my own incomings and outgoings, i am living in rented accommodation that i so cant afford with my 16yr old son, who isnt in full-time college nor employment at this time, i get no financial support for him whatsoever and even if he found a job next week i cant expect him to take on my financial burdens, i have £30K of debt that i've inherited from a previous marriage, i stupidly put it in my sole name so he happily left me with it, i am sick of re-negotiating minimum payments to the 5 creditors, i have gotten down to as little as averaging £20 per month x 5 creditors but on top of my rent, council tax and utility bills, groceries and running of my car, i just cant cope with it all, i think am gong to have to give up the tenancy, but i've already moved twice in 1 year, have lost my mum very suddenly and suffered a divorce and quite frankly i literally dont know what i've left to both living for, i know i sound like i'm trying to be some poor little victim here but i just feel like moaning and groaning cos when i turn up for work i have to be cheerful me again as if nothing is wrong, no i would never discuss these financial troubles with anyone including the bit of family i have left, i know in my heart that if it werent for the fact that my daughter and her little girl would be pained by my death, i would just go and be where my mum is cos it has to be a better place than being here, i cant even afford a hair cut every month, i literally work all month to find i cant buy myself a book its that ridiculous, am sick of people talking of booking holidays, treating themselves etc, i dont buy weekly shops anymore, i stopped that months ago, i just pick up a few bits here and there for my son and thats nothing special, i dont see what i have to look forward to, if my work found out i would be humiliated and probably they'd be suspicious of me cos i work in Accounts so i have to pretend i'm on top of evrything, i am not worrying a 16yr old with £30K worth of debt problems, his biggest problem is whethr he can go out with his mates clubbing, have considered letting the house go, its the only thing i have in my life that's safe and secure, i dont know where we'll go, am considering asking my 20yr old daughter to take on her brother for a while, havent quite worked out where i will stay yet, the idea of being homeless is making me think suicide is the only option left, i only wish i could afford life insurance at least my kids would have some financial help when i'm gone - sorry i needed to offload all that, if i could go bankrupt without it going in my papers i would do it tomorrow but i cannot let all and sundry know my shame, god i'm sick of having to make all the decisions and all the burdens, i would do anything to have someone magic it all and take a weight off my shoulders i really would, but thats just a dream that will never happen to am left in what feels like hell.

mags50_2

just wanted you to know that someones listening to you... even at this time in the morning....

i don't usually come on this board... but read your message and had to reply.

have you spoken to your son and daughter about how unhappy and miserable you are? often children are far more understanding than we realise

don't know what else to say... i'm sure someone will be along soon to give you much better advice than i can... just wanted to send hugs and let you know that you aren't alone

Retired_I.F.A.

If you cant manage the £100 p/m (5*£20 you mentioned) on top of what sounds like normal living expenditure then sod em pay them nothing. You'll end up with ccj's and be ordered by the courts to pay £x p/m. If xp/m is still unafordable then sod the whole lot of them and quit work. It'll go back to court and on the dole it'd be reduced to about £5 week, your rent will be paid for, you'll be exempt from the council tax you'll get dole money of say £60 week and if your 16 year old is still in education an allowance fo him too.

At least on the dole you can spend far more time looking for a better job and live without feeling like suicide.

gilligansyle

Hi, just to say that people are listening at daft times in the morning.

If you look at the top of this board there is information about how to put together a SOA -statement of affairs. If you do this, there will be people around later who can give you advice.

Ring one of the debt charities for advice, but again they will want details of your income and expenditure to be able to advise you. Start with your priority debts, rent council tax, water, heating and phone, make an allowance for getting to work. They will help you sort out what you need and what is the best way for you. Even if you are considering bankruptcy, you will need to show that you have taken advice and looked at other options first.

Good luck

splishsplash

Hi ivehadenough,
Things can look very bleak at 3.42am, and being exhausted from not sleeping means you will find it tough to cope with everything.
Firstly, have you spoken to your doctor about finding things getting on top of you? You're under enormous pressure at the moment, and having a chat and a check-up would be no harm at all. Holding it in and feeling you can't confide in anyone will add to the pressure, so if you have just one friend you feel you could talk to about all this, it would help you also. (But we're more than happy to listen if you prefer!)
If you're not doing regular shops and meals, then you will get extremely run down, worrying about everything, not eating properly and not sleeping, and that will make everything seem much worse also. You need to look after yourself.
If you can, after work today, how about putting together your SOA and posting it on here? If you work all day in Accounts, it's probably the last thing you'll feel like doing, but even by putting down in black and white (if you haven't already) can be a help. It's a good idea to let others look at it too - and get lots of advice on how to start turning things around.
Above all, don't worry, it's only money, and that can be dealt with. Your son is sixteen, and he's only being a typical sixteen year old. Showing him the cost of running a home/car would be no harm - it might help him to decide to commit to college/career sooner rather than later if you make it clear he has to start contributing if he's not in full-time education. I think I agree with your decision not to involve him in the overall debt - but he should know that there is, in fact, no money tree at the bottom of the garden...
Mind yourself, take care, post up your SOA and we'll take it from there. In the meantime, appreciate all the non-money related things in life - rainbows, cute puppies and stuff (look, it's early, I'm not really awake yet!), your grand-daughter etc.
Take heart, we're here beside you, come back to us and let us know how you're doing.

mumoftwins

Hi ivehadenough,

Firstly - you are not alone! By posting on here we will all give you as much help and advice as possible, so its really important to keep posting even if it seems trivial to you - get it off your mind and let us help.

We do need to see an SOA first to see how we can help, then there will be loads of practical advice on how to deal with everything - these people on here are so helpful and supportive - you will get through this and come out a happier more secure person:grouphug:

Surfbabe

Hi ivehadenough

As everyone else has said - your amongst friends now. When you get home, take a deep breath, make a cup of tea and compile a complete statement of Affairs. Once you've posted it on here all the wonderful people who read this board will help out with constructive thoughts.

You've taken the first big step to getting it sorted by admitting the problem.

Karmacat

Hello, ivehadenough

People are waking up now, and there are more and more people here to hear you. Not much new to add right now, but just letting you know that someone else is listening, and wanting to to listen as well. The SOA advice is good, and of course to go to one of the free debt charities - not the people you have to pay for. And it *is* only money - like Martin has said, there isn't a money problem that can't be solved.

Good luck, and keep posting, let us know that soa if you can.

mom23

Hi ivehadenough
Can't offer much practical help but just bumping this back to first page.
Please come back and post you SOA, you are not alone in this and you will get some brilliant advice from this board.
As has been said there isn't a problem that can't be sorted.
:grouphug:

churchrat

hello ivehadenough
nothing to add to what all the others have said, just wanted to say hi and I'm glad you've found this site. Have you considered bankruptcy? or do you feel its not an option because of your job? your health and your childrens health is far more important than any job, and your son needs you (although I've got a 16yr old son, and at times its easy to see him as an adult but then he goes and does something really stupid and looks like a achild again)
Some things to think about---
talk to a free debt advice centre--payplan or cccs
go to your gp and tell them exactly how you feel
put your soa on here--very clever people will have some great ideas
and finally, maybe read some the the old diaries on here, so many of us start from where you are now and find a way through. we all know the night time despair and bowel clenching terror that comes with being in debt that you can't pay.
good luck and let us know how you get on
cr

Tiglet

Hi ivehadenough, and welcome to the forum:beer:

I notice that you said you've already done lots of spreadsheets listing your income and outgoings, so the thought of doing an SOA might sound like more of the same. It isn't. Really.

For every little detail that you put in your SOA there will be somebody on here who will be able to suggest ways of doing things better and making your money go just a little bit further. By the time you've worked your way through all their advice, things will have started looking a lot better.