whats wrong with me?

bringmeshoes

i know i probably shouldn't post this here but this is where i'm most comfortable.
as some of you know i suffer with depression, its never completely gone away but lately its got sooo much worse again. the last time i felt this bad was when i was in uni and i did something stupid then.
i think part of the reason its got bad again was due to an operation i had in September to remove part of my cervix due to pre-cancerous cells and i've been told that i will need regular check ups for 9 years before i get the all clear. i know it wasn't as bad ad the 'c' word but it scared the hell out of me all the same. i was also told that many women get depressed after this treatment.
for the past 6 years i haven't felt well and have been diagnosed with ibs (took 2 years to diagnose), asthma (its quite bad and i take a lot of medication for it), pre-cancerous cells and overactive bladder (which they are still trying to find the cause of so they can treat it as i'm apparently quite young for this problem) ifeel that i have the body of an 80 year old when i'm only 29
its getting to the point now where people in work are starting to notice (ive always been quite good at hiding my depression) as i've been having crying fits and breakdowns at my desk, a few weeks ago one of my colleagues had to stop me from walking out. i dont really know what to do i've tried many different antidepressants but i only ever get bad side effects from them, one dr even told me i would have this for the rest of my life as ive felt like this since i was a child and if i ever had kids i would have over 75% chance of getting pnd
i'm sorry i know i'm rambling so feel free to ignore this i just had to get this out to someone. sorry

Mupeteer

You're not rambling and it's perfectly ok to post here. I don't really have much to give in the way of advice (if I did maybe I'd be in better place in my head) but I just wanted to send you some hugs and support.

Phoenixx73

Bob Hoskins said it best... "It's good to talk" Sometimes all we need is a place to vent every now and again. I'm not going to be one of those people who try to tell you to "pull yourself together" as I have suffered from depression in the past, and still have bouts from time to time. All that phrase ever made me want to do was punch that person in the face. But what I will say is this. You know what your medical problems are and in a lot of ways, knowing is easier to deal with than the guesswork of not knowing as you can drive yourself insane. What you know, you can deal with and can find support groups that are in the same boat so at least you know you arent alone. That in itself can be a huge comfort.

I seriously wish you luck and strength to cope with what life is throwing at you. Hell, you are still here and walking the planet. That is a testiment to YOU and your strength.

Hugs and luck always.

poorandindenial

I am sorry you are having such a bad time of it.

I was just about to post a telephone number on here that you can call for information and support with your mental health but I am not sure whether the forum rules would allow it, I will PM it to you and you can use it or ignore it as you feel you want to. The people that take the calls have been through their training programme that is endorsed by the Royal College of Psychiatrists. (If anyone else wants it just PM me)

And you will always be welcomed with open arms here when you want to get some support.

I am the same age as you and have asthma, knees that grind that I am too scared to get checked, a possible harmless tumour on my pituitary gland (too scared of needles to get checked) and evil periods (sorry for oversharing) from hell that feel like they paralyse half of my body and I get migraines that can make me go numb down one half of my body and wipe me out for days. You know what, I think it is our age!!

It can feel like our bodies have got it in for us and you have been through a rough time of it, but try to focus on the positive if you can, fo me that is knowing that I am a bit of a wreck but that I can still physically do the things I need to do. Don't worry about your physical body for now, just get your checkups when you need to but don't dwell on them any more than you can help, right now the main thing you need to look after is your mental health. You mentioned that you have tried anti-depressants, what types of therapy have you tried. I have used cognitive behavioural therapy to get over a phobia and I have friends that use it to help them to cope with their bi-polar disorder. It could be worth a shot.

southernscouser

Are you getting any counselling or anything hun?

I'm not gonna pretend to know anything about depression but walking is meant to be good for it. Releasing chemicals into the brain and stuff.

Sorry if I'm trying to imply that going for a walk is all thats needed. I didn't mean it like that!

What I'm trying to say,and failing badly at it :rotfl: , well I'm not too sure. Oh b*gger. I told you I haven't got a clue what I'm on about.

You are entitled to and deserve professional help. If your Quack won't co-operate, go to another one.

boredofbeingathome

It's important to talk to someone about how you are feeling. The samaratins are very good and will give you the councelling numbers you may need afterwards. Sometimes it helps to just talk and get it off your chest. If it helps any my youngest daughter was born with a severe bowel disease, she has been in and out of hospital from birth and has suffered a lot with it,colostmy, Ibs etc she then developed a cyst on her ovaries about 9 cm, which was removed and then contracted diabetes type 1, for which she takes insulin 4 x a day. Now i dont show it in front of her but there's many a night i weep, and i have to stay strong for her and i have rung the samaritans at three o clock in the morning before now, They are wonderful and have kept me sane. I also keep myself as occupied as i can, even though i had to resign my job because i couldn't concentrate. So give them a ring and keep your chin up- there's a wealth of support and bloody good people out there they always say it's darkest before the light.xxx

KellsBells

There is no reason that you should feel ashamed or embarrased of depression or of the other feelings you described.

It was almost spooky for me reading your post as I have a very dear friend at work who is going through exactly the same, and I wish I know what to do for her. She too can become withdrawn and suffers with IBS and depression.

I would suggest talking to your friends, let them in and allow them to help. Go and see a movie with them, go out for tea, laugh and be around people. They can help you through it.

And try not to worry about pnd at the moment. It is becoming a much wider recognised illness these days, and there is masses of support out there. Please contact people who can help - you've got a fight, but you don't have to fight alone. xx

Sue-UU

southernscouser wrote: »

I'm not gonna pretend to know anything about depression but walking is meant to be good for it. Releasing chemicals into the brain and stuff.

Sorry if I'm trying to imply that going for a walk is all thats needed. I didn't mean it like that!

What I'm trying to say,and failing badly at it :rotfl: , well I'm not too sure. Oh b*gger. I told you I haven't got a clue what I'm on about.

It's good to see that you're getting it off your chest, at least that way you're able to be reading all the great advice above! I know exactly what southernscouser means... though it gave me a giggle (you too I hope) reading her written words.:D She means - and it's so true - that getting as much exercise as possible is great for releasing endorphins in the brain which make us feel a whole load better and definately happier. So try a regular (daily if possible) brisk walk when the weather's fine, or even when it's not so fine, it'll still help and get you out in the fresh air and it will also help the IBS!! It doesn't need to be too far, try fast walking for around 20 mins then increase it to 30 mins etc if you feel like it. If you're unable to walk then get an exercise dvd and even if you can only do some of it, it'll really help, I promise you!

With regards to the op you had to remove part of your cervix due to pre-cancerous cells, please don't focus too much on that and the 9 years ahead. I have 3 friends who had exactly the same at roughly your age and both are in their 50's and perfectly healthy!!! Don't worry too much about the thyroid condition either, yours is over active, mines under active but either way they can treat both, we just need to take the pills to help it. Thousands, if not more, of us are in the same boat but we get buy.

As for the Dr that told you "you'd have depression for the rest of your life as you've felt like that since you were a child and if you ever had kids you'd have over 75% chance of getting pnd" :mad: I'd set out straight away to prove that silly ****** wrong! You're not going to feel great when you have a mixture of medical problems, none of us do, but we can all fight like mad to do all we can to keep the depression at bay and prove any "wise":rotfl:Drs wrong! Ask your Dr if you can see a "cognitive behavioural therapist" they can help so much and don't forget the Samaritans if ever you need them.

Kellsbells wrote:

I would suggest talking to your friends, let them in and allow them to help. Go and see a movie with them, go out for tea, laugh and be around people. They can help you through it.

Meanwhile, do as Kellsbells suggests, it'll all help you immensely!

All the very best and don't forget your friends here for when you need to chat!

Sue x and loads of hugs.

tealady

Sue-UU wrote: »

I know exactly what southernscouser means... though it gave me a giggle (you too I hope) reading her written words.:D She means - and it's so true - that getting as much exercise as possible is great for releasing endorphins in the brain which make us feel a whole load better and definately happier.

:eek: Something you haven't told us SS?

bringmeshoes

Hi
i just wanted to thanks everyone who posted. I'm usually quite good at hiding this so don't know what came over me.
i have had about a million medications and treatments over the years, i even saw a psychiatrist who was more nuts than me!
i' a bit wary fg going back to my gp not because she isnt supportive but the opposite, she doesn't think i should be in work and last time i went she said if i was no better then she was going to sign me off work on long term sick. i really dont want this as if i wasn't in work and had nothing to get up for i wouldn't get out of bed even to go shopping and also in my work i feel that i would ruin any chance of getting a better job within the company , i also miss the company i couldn't wait to get back to work after my operation.

Lucy1982_2

Hi Bringmeshoes (love the name by the way)

I suffer from depression and have actually started a thread which are welcome to drop by on (unless you already have!) It is so hard and you will get through it. I find talking really helps. Have you seen your Dr? Mine was really helpful and I am thinking of going back to see him as I am having a tough time at the moment. You don't have to be signed off unless you want to.

Have you thought of doing and cognitive behaviour courses? I was able to do one of the NHS my dr refered me which was really helpful. You will also be amazed at the amount of people who will suddenly say yes I understand when you start talking about it.

Have some huge hugs on me and feel free to PM me if you need anything.

xx