Child access arrangements -advice/opinions please!

elles_belles

Partner has a daughter with his ex and they have just moved away. Its a 3 hour drive away and Partner does not drive. We have been discussing access and Partner has suggested going down so see daughter and staying in a B&B/Hotel every other month. On the alternate month, the ex would bring the child up here for the weekend, on the saturday and then drive home the on the sunday. She has friends here, so am assuming she would stay with them.

I think this is completely wrong and have suggested either ex bringing her up and we take her home on the sunday or meet ex halfway at services or a town halfway. Partner has said its fairer to do the 1st option and that it was too hard to meet halfway.

What does everybody think? What do others do in similar situations?

Thanks elles_belles

DaisyFlower

As long as your partner and his ex are happy with the arrangement I dont see a problem to be honest. Seems like a good arrangement given the circumstances. At least this way only one person has to do the travelling once a month rather than both.

Why do you think its completely wrong? Its good to see both partners working out access arrangements so that contact can continue.

Kimitatsu

But if his ex brings her up and down on the Sunday thats 6 hours of travelling for the child and just a couple of hours for Dad.

To be honest it seems a very fair way of doing it, he gets to see his child in her own home environment and she gets to see Dad one weekend a month. Bear in mind the courts like to see an amicable settlement where possible and it is the Dad's right to see his daughter 2 weekends a month.

It seems a very fair way of doing it to me, and you can get a B&B relatively cheaply or even the travel lodge rooms if you book far enough in advance. For six weekends a year it doesnt seem a lot of hassle and the child benefits the most, being able to see her Dad whilst living in her own home and feeling safe and secure.

When my ex moved away the first couple of times I took my boys there so they felt safe and then we would alternate between him coming here to see them (they have no children of their own) and them going to stay for a couple of days in the holidays.

elles_belles

Thanks for your replies. It would judt be ex travelling down and staying over on his own. Im not sure if I am comfortable with this TBH.

Kimitatsu - The ex would be bringing her up on the saturday and taking her home on the sunday, so she would be staying at our house overnight (his daughter and not the ex!), so there wouldnt be 6 hours of travelling in one day.

Mark7799

elles_belles wrote: »

Thanks for your replies. It would judt be ex travelling down and staying over on his own. Im not sure if I am comfortable with this TBH.

Any reason why you can't go with him?

elles_belles

I havent been asked! It was put across in a way that meant he would be going alone.

Zara33

elles_belles wrote: »

Thanks for your replies. It would judt be ex travelling down and staying over on his own. Im not sure if I am comfortable with this TBH.

Slightly insecure regarding your partner and his ex huh?

floss2

Why don't you suggest that you join him after the first trip?

liney

I think it's great for the parents to make this arrangement between them. You are making this about the length of travelling for the child, but one trip on public transport every other month is surely better then one every month to mean her dad at a petrol station or something. What if he was held up in traffic, for example? It's for the good of the child, and if i'm perfectly honest, not your place to interfer. I am sure you partner can stay out of trouble for 6 nights in the whole year without you.

Scarlett1

elles_belles wrote: »

I havent been asked! It was put across in a way that meant he would be going alone.

Is this a new relationship or have you been together a while ? only asking cause if you were a family unit he would want you there unless he wants to give his daughter quality time one on one, im afraid though if you aren't comfortable with that arrangement then it will be an issue throught your relationship as his daughter most probably comes first and will always be in his life and that includes the ex aswell

BernadetteN

It's refreshing to hear of ex-partners who appear to be putting the interests of their child first, instead of refusing access. The arrangement where your partner stays near his daughter sounds fine. I can't understand your problem with it. Sure his daugher may eventually come the other way more often, but she has just moved away so give the little girl time to settle in her new home before expecting HER to do the travelling every time. You appear to be thinking of your own set-up as a couple and not the daughter in the middle. your partner will be her dad forever and you have to accept that it should be HIM and his ex making the decisions and not the non resident step-parent, when it comes to access arrangements. Support your partner, he's made a good decision.