Feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all !

My boyfriend and I got engaged just before Christmas (hooray), and we've just started to look at venues etc..

But the thing is, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing! I'm not the kind of girl who's had a wedding diary since they were a child, I have no desire to be a princess for a day, and I really want something that's personal, good fun for everyone involved and good value.

We saw a venue and they wanted £10k for venue, food and drink (without outfits etc etc)! While we could afford this (at a stretch), I'd much rather pay it off the mortgage (how unromantic am I?)! The other thing is, the venue organiser started talking about toastmasters, chair covers and all sorts of things I have no clue about!

We have thought about going abroad, but I'd rather have friends and family around for all sorts of reasons..

So where do you start when planning a wedding? How do you decide what type of wedding you want? How do you find a venue? Do you have to have a big white dress? How far in advance do you have to plan (I'd like to get married early summer this year; but all the stuff you read says start planning 18 months in advance)? Do I really need a white dress? Will I regret not making a 'big/fairytale' thing of it all?

Any thoughts appreciated !
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  • Pisces wrote: »

    So where do you start when planning a wedding? How do you decide what type of wedding you want? How do you find a venue? Do you have to have a big white dress? How far in advance do you have to plan (I'd like to get married early summer this year; but all the stuff you read says start planning 18 months in advance)? Do I really need a white dress? Will I regret not making a 'big/fairytale' thing of it all?
    Hi Pisces Congratulations!
    I'll try and help by telling you what I did and hopefully some of it will be useful,but at the end of the days its your day and it's all up to you.

    We got engaged last April and are getting married this August. No you don't need 18 months I'm getting obsessed in loads of tiny unimportant details and would say it can all be done in a few weeks. I just want to marry him!

    The most important thing for us was the honeymoon so we booked this first and then decided on everything else.
    We picked a Monday as it cuts costs dramatically on nearly everything especially venues and photographers!

    If you don't know what you want decide what you don't want and go from there. If you have what you want you won't regret any of it later.

    I found my venue online by doing a search of licensed venues in the area we wanted and then eliminated them. You don't say how many guests you're inviting, but I don't think 10k is uncommon. Our reception for 40 plus 60 in the evening with the venue is about 3k. We're not having a toastmaster or chair covers. Cake is from M&S and a friend is doing the flowers.

    I found my dress on eBay for a ridiculously small amount of money after trying on some dresses to see what suited me. You don't have to have the big white dress wear what you will feel comfortable in and what suits the style of the day. What about a colour or trousers?

    Have you read the thread about the reception in the bowling alley?

    Does your OH have any preference?
    Hope that helps.
    Officially a non-smoker but still rounder than recommended :p
  • MrsTinks
    MrsTinks Posts: 15,241
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    They estimate the average wedding costs about £21k these days... so £10k isn't unusual no... HOWEVER we're doing ours for about £7k including honeymoon (with any luck). That should cover everything!
    I always wanted the gorgeous gown and the pretty flowers etc. To me it's a special once in a lifetime wedding. I've made sacrifices to ensure the things that REALLY matter are there and things like chair covers are something that will only feature into anything IF we can afford them last minute... :)
    First task: SET A BUDGET! Once you have a budget then work from that.
    If you want to spend £3000 and not £10,000 then start looking at options that fit in that budget. Our venue is beautiful and modern (very me) and with 40 people for the day and an additional 30 for the evening it'll cost us about £3,500 inc room hire etc so cheaper is definitely possible!
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  • greengre
    greengre Posts: 34 Forumite
    Hi there,

    Me and my partner got engaged years ago and set about planning a wedding, with every fine detail attended to! This however caused so much stress and I think we forgot what the actual day was about, we ended up cancelling the whole thing.

    We got engaged again at Christmas and we are gettign married 22nd March this year! i think it shocks some people, but for us it is much less stressfull!

    you know we dont have time to check out every supplier and every fine detail, which has been great for us. We are really happy with who we have chosen and what we are doing. We are not having toastmaster (best man will do that) not having a sit down meal or chair covers. We are having an M&S cake and not having elaborate tale decorations, as the room is very very grand on its own.

    We will do it easily under 5k thats a wedding and hot buffet curry, hot pot, pasta, and deserts) followed by bacon butties for 180 people! the venue and food is the most expensive thing about it all. I mean most of the saving is from not having a formal sit down meal.

    I am having a weddign dress made, which is much cheaper, i just got my fabric today :)

    people spend what they want on weddings, but there is no need to be spending 10k plus if you dont want to!!!

    I hope that helps :)

    Elaine
  • Pisces wrote: »
    My boyfriend and I got engaged just before Christmas (hooray), and we've just started to look at venues etc..

    But the thing is, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing! I'm not the kind of girl who's had a wedding diary since they were a child, I have no desire to be a princess for a day, and I really want something that's personal, good fun for everyone involved and good value.

    We saw a venue and they wanted £10k for venue, food and drink (without outfits etc etc)! While we could afford this (at a stretch), I'd much rather pay it off the mortgage (how unromantic am I?)! The other thing is, the venue organiser started talking about toastmasters, chair covers and all sorts of things I have no clue about!

    We have thought about going abroad, but I'd rather have friends and family around for all sorts of reasons..

    So where do you start when planning a wedding? How do you decide what type of wedding you want? How do you find a venue? Do you have to have a big white dress? How far in advance do you have to plan (I'd like to get married early summer this year; but all the stuff you read says start planning 18 months in advance)? Do I really need a white dress? Will I regret not making a 'big/fairytale' thing of it all?

    Any thoughts appreciated !
    It does sound like you have a lot to think about, some of the prices of venues are absolute rip-offs. Just try to remember, it's your day, you please yourself and your fiancee, not family and friends so it can be as simple and intimate as YOU want.
    I'm not getting married until 2010 but because of budget restrictions I'm starting the info gathering and buying of card etc for invites now.
    Generally things like toastmasters, chair covers etc are extra. I'm not having them and as we're non religious we are having a civil ceremony in a licensed hotel. There are 65 people coming to our wedding which is small but some standards but these are our family and closest friends.
    Think about the things that are important to you and your hubby to be, you can pick your favourite colours, have references to hobbies you share or even just personalise the music at the reception.
    I'm having a simple day, getting married at around four and having a buffet at around 6. It's cocktail dresses and black tie for everyone except oh who won't do as he's told, grrr, only joking! My dress is gorgeous and I fell in love and it's totally opposite of traditional and it's me.
    Try Ebay to cut costs and be creative where you source your supplies, once you stick wedding in front of anything, I think the cost goes up. Think about all sorts of places, someone was having their reception in a bowling alley which is a fab idea.
    Most of all, try to enjoy the day and good luck with your planning.
    I managed to get three bridesmaids dresses for £12.50 each so they were a bargain, try BHS in the sales, they have fab sales. To save costs be realistic about attendants, ushers etc. Don't be swayed by what you think you should do, do what fits with you and your views. No you don't have to do anything, especially not a white dress or horse and carriage etc. My dress is mainly black and ivory. Try and borrow things from friends, veils, underskirts and shoes etc, don't feel you have to have new, just think these things are only used once. My sister has a veil from her wedding and I'm having that. I did see one in the bridal shop with black crystals on it, a snip at £110 or as I did buying the iron on crystals for £1.50, ridiculous!!! They also wanted £50 just to hire the underskirt but my sister has one I can have. Try videojug to see how to make your own wedding flowers, a day before the wedding, it could be like a wedding shower with your friends and bridesmaids and you could have a bit of a do while you do it, you can easily make your own buttonholes (if you want them) too. Try to buy flowers in season as these are cheaper, it is also cheaper to get married in the week and also in the winter months, december through to feb, and you could have a winter theme. Think ice crystals, ice blue and winter flowers such as anemones or even holly. Use the internet to find styles of things you like, like hairdos, it's great you can get some fab ideas for free, who needs £5 magazines!!!
    Oh and yes, congratulations!
    :A :

    Siren

    Keep Smiling:D

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  • Nenen
    Nenen Posts: 2,379 Forumite
    If it helps reassure you, this was our experience.... We got engaged one December and married 7 months later during the following July... having sat our degree finals in between! We actually married 3 weeks after our finals and so the time we actually spent 'worrying' about the fine details for the wedding was precisely 18 days (shattered for two days after finals and couldn't do any worrying on the day itself)!

    We booked the venue etc duing the Easter holiday before the big day and sorted out everything else as and when we could... to be honest we didn't really worry very much as we were revising and trying to apply for jobs as we didn't even have those at the time and no idea how we would be supporting ourselves or even where we would be living!

    Most of our friends thought we were mad... those that were engaged were all planning weddings 2+ years in advance but I just knew the only thing that really mattered to us was that we were married and would be together in July come what may!

    I did want the full 'merringue' dress and a horse and carriage to take me to the church, as I loved the romance of that but, other than that, I really couldn't have cared less about the colour of the seats, wedding favours etc etc etc. I wonder if most people really even notice these things? :confused: We had very little money so what we had was spent on my dress, pretty flowers and a cake (all done by friends). I just wanted a lovely celebration with all the people I loved.

    We really wanted a marquee in my parent's garden with buffet lunch etc but my OH's parents were against that as they said their side of the family were coming a long way and would expect a full sit down meal followed by an evening disco and so our reception was at the cheapest place we could find to do that (functional but ugly). This was the only thing I later regretted... I wished that we had gone with our original plan for a home-made do in a marquee and if the relatives didn't like it they could have stayed at home! As far as I'm concerned it is about friends and family who love you coming to celebrate with you in the style of YOUR choosing... hopefully you only get to do this once so, if you'll take my advice, do whatever it is that you both want!

    Fortunately for us our church was in a tiny ancient barn (very picturesque so photos taken by a friend of my father's looked gorgeous)!

    Our day was quite literally the most wonderful day of my life despite the fact that loads of things went 'wrong' (including me being 45 minutes late due to the horse box not being able to get down our lane which concluded with me having to go in a landrover in my wedding dress to meet the horsebox and then help hitch the horses to the carriage to speed things up)! I also had to troop through the local shopping centre during a busy Saturday to get to the reception... something we hadn't thought about when we'd been to visit during a quiet evening... caused quite a stir! However, all the things that went 'wrong' are the things we still remember and laugh about!

    Many of my friends who agonised for years over their wedding day were stressed beyond belief worrying about whether all the trivial details would be correct on the day... e.g. would the colour of the ribbons on the party favours be the exact shade of the bridesmaids' flowers? Many of them are now divorced!

    As for us... with our hastily thrown together, chaotic and wonderful day.. twenty-six years later we are still together and love each other more than ever!
    “A journey is best measured in friends, not in miles.”
    (Tim Cahill)
  • Nenen
    Nenen Posts: 2,379 Forumite
    Oooh just had another thought... can you tell I love the romance of weddings :D? If you want any more reassurance that you are not the only one who wants an original do that doesn't cost the earth, have a look at this thread... http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=474408&highlight=retro

    It's all about a lady who is planning a wonderful black/white retro themed wedding on a budget and it sounds fab! HTH and have a great day! :beer:
    “A journey is best measured in friends, not in miles.”
    (Tim Cahill)
  • RoxieW
    RoxieW Posts: 3,016 Forumite
    hi hon and congrats!!
    I got married in april and the wedding cost about 10K plus 5K on honeymoon (we wanted the trip of a lifetime)!
    We got married at Leeds Town hall which is a beautiful venue but as its a council building it actually only cost us £70. Our reception was at a 4* hotel and I did want the works - chair covers, table decorations, lots of flowers, pink champagne, sit down dinner. The compromise for us was the numbers - we had 40 for the wedding and sit down dinner - just closest family and friends. We had to be really strict with ourselfs but tbh when I worked out that we were paying £100 per person I really didnt want to pay it for some distant aunt that we dont see from one year to the next - or colleagues or osmeone new boyfriend/girlfriedn that i've never met. etc. We also had a big evening party with disco, buffet etc for 80 people but we had a pay bar.
    I found the dress of my dreams on sale so that was lucky -and meant I could splash out on shoes/underwear etc. I had my hair done but did my own makeup. I only had 2 bridesmaids, which was a bit difficult but we simply couldnt afford dresses/shoes etc for more. I had a wonderful cake and flowers but got my florist to re-use the all white flowers that we had during the day, but add pink and purple flowers to them, along with coloured water for the nighttime. This meant that the all white day time had a completely different look to the bright pink and purple night time! And saved lots of money! I didnt have a wedding car (hotel where I was staying was 5 minutes away from town hall) so we could afford a coach for our guests. Hubby printed all the stationary which saved us a fortune and instead of expensive favors we put a choc heart at each place setting.
    I guess its about compromises - work out whats important to you and go from there!
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  • Although it was 10 years ago I am very proud to say that my wedding cost about £1200. It could have been less but OH insisted on a church wedding.

    Your wedding day is about you and him. It is not about a big posh wedding venue or how expensive a one off dress is. Church around £400. My dress from Evans as I am a fat bird £30. Catering at the pub £300. Catering in my MIL back garden including all the beer wines and spirits about £300. Flowers done by my mother £100. About a £100 for other bits and pieces. Ok this may not suit everyone but everyone who came to my wedding said how nice it was not too have to go to a ponsy posh do and stand on ceremony.

    Do what you feel is best for you and pay the ten grand off the mortgage much better in the long term. ( I don't believe that people really want these posh places anyway)

    Be happy.
    Loving the dtd thread. x
  • Nix143
    Nix143 Posts: 1,130 Forumite
    And remember, for a lot of people actually attending a big posh do can be a financial stress and hassle. I'm due to go to a wedding that is going to cost me a hideous amount of money due to the choices made by my friends. I love that they are having a fairytale wedding of their dreams but it makes me sad that I can't be excited about it because of the expense involved.

    Also as mentioned before check out https://www.offbeatbride.com - its great to read about brides who go their own way, whether big or small.

    Good luck and congratulations :T
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  • I'm currently planning to get married in summer 2009.

    To be honest when I think back to the weddings I've attended I am amazed at how BORING they were! So we are throwing out all of our preconceived ideas about what "should be done" at a wedding - and doing everything in our style - casual and fun!

    It won't be a grand huge affair - only 55 (family that we see on a regular basis and close friends) and there won't be any toast masters, top tables, flower girls etc (just 2 bridesmaids). We are also going to have some cool entertainment (not decided exactly what yet - but no disco or DJ). I'm currently considering a couple of stand up comedians!

    I was slightly concerned that my family would create a fuss however they all love my ideas and said that it's "very me" and added that they wished they had done what they wanted on their wedding days (as opposed to what their families dictated)!
    "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?" (Douglas Adams)
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