Who pays for What?

Mrs7ones

A quick question.
We've been invited to a wedding, and have been asked to wear hired suits, and been asked to pay for them ourselves.
Is this usual?

MrsTinks

I did a post and now it's vanished grrr the board gremlins are out in force!

I was just saying that we certainly wouldn't expect guests to hire special clothes and pay for it! We've even offered to pay for the best mens suits or outfits (hire) and I'm paying for the bridesmaids dress.
I guess someone wants everyone to wear the same suits colour etc for the purposes of the pictures which i just don't agree with. Certainly not if they are not prepared to cover this cost themselves.
I'd tell them that you'd like to come however you can't afford to hire suits etc as well as the other costs involved with attending the wedding.
They might get several responses like that and then have to decide on whether they want guests to actually come or if they want a few people with lots of dosh but only a fraction of the number of guests they'd normally have had.
To me it's a surefire way of alienating people and anyone who DO turn up would probably be pretty narked at not having a choice about what to wear AND having to pay for it!

MsChazzer

Never heard of that and certainly won't be doing that for our wedding. It's expensive enough to attend a wedding without being asked to hire specific clothes.

Mrs7ones

TBH, it's going to cost us more to attend their wedding than our actually cost!!!!

melancholly

is someone being an usher or something? if not than that is just bizarre - can you imagine someone telling all the women to wear the same dress!!

PasturesNew

I'd tell them I couldn't afford it.

They're either very well off or just barking to think that others have the sort of money lying around for this unnecessary extravagence.

Being invited to a wedding is expensive enough without this.

You've already got to pay for: present, card, wrapping paper, transport, possibly a hotel, cheap new outfit, hair do, money for drinks at inflated prices. It can easily add up to £200 or more.

I am never too timid to tell people I won't be attending because of cost.

[Deleted User]

Nothing wrong with specifying black tie for a wedding. I don't think I'd appreciate it if they specified 'must wear turquoise tuxedo', but hey, i'd probably still go and hire one.

If you are an usher then I would not expect to have to pay for a certain suit, that's the grooms responsibility

Vampgirl

When we were planning our wedding we worked to the principle that if we asked a guest to wear something particular then we paid for it and as far as I know its a rule most people stick to. Specifying a dress code is one thing (though I'd actually suggest rather than specify) but requiring that your guests hire a suit at their own expense is a little over the top to my mind. I would go back to the happy couple and ask them why they have said this, and would gently explain that it unfortunately means that you won't be able to afford to attend. After all, whats wrong with wearing a suit that you already have?

I know from personal experience how expensive it is planning a wedding and the desire to cut costs wherever possible, but to simply shift the costs onto your guests is not acceptable in my book.

Mrs7ones

Ok, here's the full deal (I didn't want to go into too much detail cos you never know who's reading)....
It's DH's bro that is getting wed, and our DD is to be a bridesmaid, and DS2 a pageboy. But they want DH and DS1 to wear the penguin suits too. but all at our expense. We're a family of 5, so anything we do is not cheap, but with a new outfit for me too, it's going to cost over £600 just in clothes. Then they'll expect a gift, and like you say the overpriced drinks (oh, and the hen and stag does).

Now, I come on MSE because I want to make the most out of what money we earn.
We do not have credit cards, and manage within our earnings pretty well, but this is just a laugh :eek:.
I refuse to let us get into debt over this, so the alternative looks like cancelling a family holiday we've booked in May..

I hate weddings!
.

MrsTinks

In that case I'd simply explain to them that you simply can't afford to spend £600 on clothes. It might just simply be something that hasn't crossed their minds because to them you probably look like you have plenty of money. Little do they know it's because you don't spend silly amounts on hiring 4 matching suits etc!
I'd simply tell them that you are happy your kids are part of the wedding but you can't afford to hire 4 suits and if possible then any help towards the cost of the essential outfits would be great.
I've budgetet the cost of the best mens outfits and the brides maid(s) outfits in my wedding budget and I wouldn't expect them to pay for them! I know the best men both want to pay for theirs but that's purely because they are very kind, not because I have not offered to pay for it!
Personally I think it's rude to expect you to pay for that many suits etc!

paddingtondoo

:eek: was my reaction when I read your thread.
Without being rude what a cheek! It isn't as if you will even be able to wear them again.

We have budgeted to hire 4 kilt outfits and are paying for the 3 bridesmaids dresses.
3 of my friends are staying at the hotel with me the night before the wedding and I felt so bad about how expensive it was going to work out for them that we are paying for that as well.

Yes weddings can cost a fortune but its hardly fair to save money by bankrupting your guests.