Moral dilemma! Please help

mel19632

Gosh - thanks for all this great advice.

You are right - he is definately a man of morals, and the money does not come into it. It wouldn't make a difference if it was £500k.

Hopefully when we have children of our own he will feel a bit differently and get back in contact with his family - his sister and brother both miss him a lot.

Perhaps it is best to leave the money for a while - its just sitting in a normal account and see if in time he decides there is something he wants to do with it, whether its to use it himself, give it away etc.

Thanks to everyone who has written on this thread, your comments are invaluable.

xxx

belfastgirl23

Just to add, I think these kinds of family problems are usually to do with a lot more than what the original fight was about. i think it's great that you're still on good terms with his family since no doubt it will all be made up at some point and it's a lot harder to make it up as an inlaw than it is from within the family. But I'd guess your BF has his reasons and they might not all be immediately obvious to you now. EG I think my DHs family are great but he was really distant with them for a long time and still keeps several members at arms length. I didn't understand at first but over a long time I realised that his is the type of family who feel they have a duty/right to a say in each others lives. He is the only one of his sibs who refused to allow this to happen and he is the only one who (a) has total respect and (b) can do pretty much what he pleases with no comment or interference - at least not to him. But he had to put down a very very clear marker - including not speaking to his family for long periods of time - before they realised that nagging etc would never work. At the time I didn't appreciate it but it means now that we aren't dictated to by the family in the way that several of his siblings are. Your BFs motives might become clearer the longer you know him and his family and you might be glad in the future that he has done this.

I have to say too that it really says something about him that he turned down the money. I really admire him for sticking to his principles and not overturning them for an easy buck!