Moral dilemma! Please help

zfrl

If he leaves it where it is what will happen - or could it be re-invested so if he changes his mind it would be available.

coleys

I think he should swallow his pride and take the money.. if he would rather not speak to them, then let you do the running about. Its obviously rightfully his after all.

Then you could get married and live happily ever after, lol...

edgarjay

i agree with other posters, lifes too short and (speaking from experience) didnt speak to my family for 19years, till my nan died last year, i would take the olive branch, it is his sister making contact and not the person he fell out with??
we are stubborn aren't we!!

Tirian

I'm sorry, but I disagree with everyone who has commented so far. Family relationships are highly complex things - and you are going to get absolutely NOWHERE by trying to persuade him to patch things up for the sake of a few thousand pounds. You will simply make him feel like you are trying to make him sell his soul - which won't be good for anybody. It will tear him up, it will put a strain on your relationship and it will certainly not help patch anything up with the family. Even if he did end up taking it, he would probably resent his family even more for the fact that he feels he sold out his principles.

I understand that financially, the money would be a great help to you at the moment - but you have to accept that this is not the only factor in play at the moment. Ultimately, what happens to the money is something for him and his family to sort out, and their trying to drag you into the affair is just an attempt by them to get emotional leverage. Resist!!

I would recommend that you tell his family that if they really want him to have the money, the best thing to do for the moment is put it aside - invest it or put it in a savings account somewhere.

Then, and ONLY then, you can try to work on repairing the relationship between him and his family - and that MUST be done on completely neutral terms, without some big cash 'bribe' sitting there as potential motivation or sweetner from either side.

poppett

Why don't you suggest he takes the money and then once it's in his hands (so to speak) he can then decide whether he wants it to go to charity or not. I think, for his sister to get in touch and say she could've easily not bothered means they want to make amends with your b/f. He can forgive them even if he'll never forget...life is too short to hold grudges. A little persuasion from you might do the trick

Lotus-eater

The money is almost a seperate issue. But you do need it, he's putting his pride before both of your interests.

Ask him what he would do if his Mum was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Would he talk to her then? After they are gone it is too late, you can never go back.

always_amazed

hey;

it's so hard isn't it. The fact that his family are happy to get in touch with you speaks volumes, so at least there is that to be grateful for.

I agree with Tirian, you can't ask him to patch something up for the sake of five grand.
But what COULD happen is that this money begins the process of contact and of communication.

Stranger things have happened. My relationship with my mother is very difficult indeed, so I sympathise with him; and had circumstances been different I'd have been quite happy never to talk to her again. She has and is still battling many addiction and other mental health problems; and as I grew up with it I find it hard to take a step back and understand.
The one piece of information that made me able to handle my mother in my life was this: That your parent's opinions are only their opinions, they needn't matter more than anyone else's.

One thing to be wary of is this: if there is an obligation to stay in touch once the money has changed hands. This could be seen as payment for contact, manipulation or bribery if you will, and won't help one bit; it may just continue to breed resentment from both sides.

Hope this has been useful in some way; it has certainly got me thinking
xxx

in_debt_again_but_dealing_with_it

Families and family relationships are tricky and very personal. From experience my only advice can be tolerance and patience with a pinch of good humour - I was 17 when my brother died aged 21 in an accident (Christmas day 1981) - we should all just live for the day - but try and be sure we don't regret it tomorrow!

splishsplash

I agree with always_amazed and Tirian. I don't think you should push the money side of things at the moment - it could well blow up in your face. Your bf is obviously a man of principle, you should respect that.
As the others have said, ask bf's family to put the money aside in an account for him, then start working on the relationship issues. If they can be resolved, you should have no problem with the money!

itsnever2lateisit?

I am from Nigeria:rolleyes:
Would you like my bank account details?;)