Moral dilemma! Please help

mel19632

We have quite a big moral dilemma...

Basically, my bf is not in contact with his family anymore.

I was recently contacted by his sister, who wanted me to know that some kind of fund had matured for him and was worth about £5,000.

She had contacted me because she knew that her brother would say he didnt want the money.

We are in quite a bit of debt, however my bf does not want to accept the money as he feels it would be selling his soul.

We are not in loads of trouble financially, we are plodding away quite nicely, although the money could mean that we could go on holiday (which we havent done for 4 years) and clear a bit more debt.

What does everyone think we should do? His family have made it clear that it is HIS money, and they could quite easily have kept it and we would have been none the wiser.

However, his sister really wants him to take the money.

What should we do??

tanith

What a shame families fall out... his family are offering an olive branch by making sure he receives the offer of the money its a shame he can't take it in the spirit it was meant.. is there any way your sister could arrange for it to be invested or put in a High Interest Acc in case one day he would feel comfortable taking it?

mel19632

Thanks for your advice Tanith - the situation is complex - they would like to be in touch with him, but he is so stubborn that he wont back down - hence why his family contacts me not him!

he feels that the money could be used better elsewhere - i.e. give to charity or to his sister (who is at uni), but doesnt want to withdraw the money for fear of losing face to his mum.

I'm sure between me, his mum and sister we could virtually do what we wanted with the money because if i asked him to sign a letter he would do it, but at the end of the day it is his money and i dont want to do anything with it without his blessing.

Lotus-eater

Depends what they fell out about. If it was trivial or your bf's fault, I'd tell him to grow up and sort it out. If it was a serious falling out, I'd tell him to grow up and sort it out.
Lifes too short, you only get one family.

immoral_angeluk

It's his money.... he should have it!!

mummum2

MHO agree with Lotus-eater, life is to short for serious falling out, especially with family, you only get that one change and he should think as least even if he's 'not in their pockets' at least have some sort of communication.

As for the money, if it's his then I can't see why he does not want to take it? or was this money put into some sort of account from childhood by mother which has matured? Either way it's his and he should take it, if he does not want to use it for himself, then he should think of you and pay it off the debt.

Good luck with it.

mel19632

It was his mums fault - but she has tried to get back in contact.

I have tried to get him to forget it, but he wont listen!!

I want him to take the money, but he says we dont need it, and cacn do without it. he is right on that point, as we wont notice it if we dont take it.

Zazen999

Hi
Why not suggest that he invests it, in case he has kids of his own one day that might well need the money for uni or A.N. Other situation.

in_debt_again_but_dealing_with_it

Year next week since my auntie died she was only 64, she'd not spoken to her son for sometime before - he regrets it big time now!! If your fella's mum has offered an olive branch it would be lovely if he could take it and the money is his! You can't force him but a gentle reminder that we don't know how long we're here for might help!

(Land_of)_Maz

Funny creatures men!

If i was you, i'd reason with him some more and convince him that this £5000 would make a real difference to your quality of life as a couple. And although it's not conditional that he makes up with them to gain access to his money. Depending on the reason for the falling out, could he not reopen the lines of communication with his sister to start off with, speaking as someone who lost a parent in the last year, it's pointless being stubborn and family is priceless.

Tell him noone else can have the money as it'll be in his name only, so he might as well do as it'll sit there otherwise.

You don't need his permission to transfer money in incidentally. only his sort code and account number, which i'm sure you probably know already or can access.

Good luck, interesting thread i hope you get loadsa good advice.

stapeley

Sorry but with that amount in debt , take it !