Debt counselling

moneydesperate_x

Im so sorry you are going through a difficult time.
Do you have any family support?
OH does sound like he cant be bothered with it all (maybe depression), and as mummytofour said, its not right for him to allow you to fear loosing your home.
I would leave, even if it was only temp and stay with family/friends, then maybe when he notices your not there he may stop and think what he is doing and try and work with you to sort things out.
Wishing you good luck

alibambino

I think he may be suffering from depression, and from what im reading he does avoid things, this needs to be addressed i would suggest counselling, your gp would be your first port of call, he/she should have phone numbers to refer him to, also you should have local agencies that offer counselling services, some do charge a small fee some are free as they are run by volunteers.This may sound harsh and i dont mean it to be but you also need to try to stop rescuing your husband and try to get him to take responsibility for his actions, and the consequences around that, another thing if you do think hes depressed you have the right to tell his gp about your concerns about his health, that could then in turn open other doors for your husband and YOU to acess support, let me know how you get on and if i can do anything else as i work in the mental health field. Hope things look better soon.

pleasehelp29

When he went the GP he offered him a blood test which he failed to go for. GP said there wasn't much he could do for it anyway.
We have blazing rows for hours, I'm exhausted and trapped. Because of money I can't have friends (I can't afford to visit them so they forgot about me) and my family are no help at all. With 3 kids and no car I can't leave. I have nowhere to go and he knows that.
Thing is he keeps blaming me, says if I didn't nag him about the bills he would be like this. But even if I keep quiet he still doesn't pay the bills.

alibambino

A blood test for what? you cant do a blood test for depression,and if he does feel depressed there's lots of things the gp can do, he can put him on a course of antidepressants and he should definately offer counselling, there are primary care graduate mental health workers who work with people who have mild to moderate mental health problems i.e depression, who can work with your husband on a short term basis, or look under mental health services in your area, like MIND or other charities. But and this is a big but your husband has to want that to happen and for it to work.

alibambino

And as well i think you need to go and see your gp, to try to acess some support for you.

Conrad

Ok, firstly you need to understand this is all down to deep routed psycholoigal imprinting. Unless he can overcome these imprints nothing is likely to alter his behavioral outcomes.

He like all of us is a bio computer - sounds a bit bleak I know, but this is what we are, a collection of billions of cells, each one of which is made from the same atoms as most everything else - hydrogen, carbon and so on.

His bio computer is processing the world in a manner that is detrimental to himslef and his close relationships.

He will probably not be able to overcome this on his own, for a start it sounds like he does not recognise the problem lays with him.

You will need an objective third party, a therapist perhaps, but this is going to take time.

STEP ONE - How will he understand he has a problem? You shouting at him will almost certainly not help - there is to much water under the bridge.
I have to be careful here, I dont want to put ideas in your head that might inflame him.
I'm thinking if it were me I would say nothing about the subect for a long time - I realise the danger in this btw. I would wait until he came to me - sometimes a person is better at recognising they have a problem if they find it in thier own time without any outside influence - but this is a big gamble.

Instead you could send him a long letter. This may be a good start but remember the point is not for you to prove you are more right than he, that will never help.

He essentialy perhaps needs to think about this;
He will be on Earth approximately 30,000 days or 720,000 hours. (use those words). What is his purpose here?
What does he want his children to think the hour he dies?
His freinds will probably not even feature in his life, it is family love that means EVERYTHING, ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING AT THE END.

Is this helping or not?

Conrad

I forgot to say that the best book I have every read is called 'Prometheus Rising'. Written by proper psychologists (not fake American gurus), it explains how and why we act the way we do - it will change your life.

chevalier

Do you know what the blood test was for, it wasn't for depression. I was and am being treated for depression and I didn't need a blood test to get tablets.

chev

alibambino

Thats what i thought as well Chev

pleasehelp29

My GP has given me counselling (mainly because stress makes me physically very ill), but they just told me nothing I didn't already know. I know why I am upset and stressed out! That's why we tried relate, I need him to hear I am not crazy. I am just desperate, frustrated and hurt. Any sane person would go loopy after a decade of this. But we are not allowed to take children to Relate anymore so can't go. It's also rather expensive. Thing is I don't think he tells the truth when he has seen people on his own. Wouldn't surprise me if he has somekind of adhd. He forgets everything except the kind of things you win a pub quiz with. Fat lot of good that is to me.
The blood test was fbc, lipids, thyroid...etc I know cos I still have the form.
Very occasionally he apologises and admits the problem but most of the time he shouts and reduces me to tears. Blaming me all the time. I do try and forget our problems, pretend to be happy in hope it makes him happier and then he'll look after us. But I can't keep it up forever and I lose it when I get scary letters I wasn't expecting.
You've been alot of help. I think I'll try the GP rather than leaving him to go.