Should we move? Scary neighbours ...

Jenna

By the way I posted this yesterday in my diary thread but not had any replies ... thought maybe I would get a better response if I put it on the main forum ... could really use some advice!

~

Just when I thought all my budgets etc for the year were settled ... we might be moving! We live in modern flats (e.g. thin walls) and the neighbours apparently don't appreciate our DFW efforts to stay in rather than going out every night.

Now I know some of you will have "nightmare neighbours" but we really aren't like that - the walls are just that thin. For example one of our neighbours works shifts / weekends, and his alarm clock wakes me up every weekend! If they argue (shout I mean) we can hear them, and as they do their washing overnight, the spin cycle aggravates me loads - it kicks in just as I'm trying to nod off! But we overlook these things, and figure it cuts both ways - they've woken us up arguing at 3.30am before (on a schoolnight I might add) so therefore they can't complain if we have friends round late on a Friday or Saturday night.

Apparently not - in the last couple of weeks we've had a rude note through the door ("you're taking the f*cking p*ss" amongst other choice phrases) and then on Friday night, one of them came round and hammered on our door - he'd even brought his gf with him! He started shouting and screaming at us (effing and blinding and he even called my OH a c*nt) and I really thought he was going to punch my OH.

Admittedly we had been singing karaoke with 2 friends (e.g. 4 of us) but it was turned down pretty low - and it was only 5 to midnight on a Friday night! I mean, I know I can't carry a tune but really, that's a bit strong even so! We had had a party last Saturday night (I say party - us plus 4 friends) til the wee small hours so I don't suppose that helped...

But there again, a few weeks before, he'd had a party til 5am on a Saturday, with loud banging music and everything! He supposedly thinks this is OK just because he warned us in advance (2 hours in advance lol - not exactly enough time to make other plans!). The thing was - we have never complained to them or anyone else about the noise they make.

It just all feels very unfair as surely it has to cut both ways - either they are quiet and expect the same in return, or they make a noise on weekends and expect us to do the same?!

I just felt really intimidated by this guy coming down and shouting at us, he works as a security guard so he looked really scary. And if he'd just been reasonable and said, look mate, I'm just off to bed now, could you turn it down please? We'd have turned it right down or even off! I'm not one to be offended by language but he was calling my OH a c*nt and it was f*cking this, f*cking that, f*cking have some respect, etc - and his girlfriend was yelling right along with him!

We were really polite to them and apologised for the noise, said we had it turned down quietly anyway but obv it sounded louder from outside the flat than we realised, and we'd turn it off now. Explained we can hear their noise too and said surely it cuts both ways? Which they totally ignored!

I just feel intimidated by it all and like now we can't afford to be out, but can't stay in and have some fun either. I put on a strong front when they were shouting but when they had gone away I just sort of collapsed, I couldn't stop crying, I was really upset ... I didn't post about it yday because I was still so upset I couldn't think of what to say about it.

It's affecting me worse than my OH (who is just angry about it) because of some things that have happened in my past - lets just say I got myself into a stupid situ. I don't suppose it's appropriate to post it on here but to give you an idea of it ... I am not seeing anyone at the moment but I've seen 2 therapists before, both of whom said I have classic PTSD (post-traumatic stress) symptoms but refused to diagnose me with it - god knows why!! At least then I could get some help for it or something?? Argh anyway this has set off all my nightmares, flashbacks and things and I was having a bad week anyway with all this, that's the real reason I was feeling down...

I think we are moving just not sure when ... not just because of Friday, we thought maybe we would in the next year anyway ... but yeah. It all feels a bit sudden but I don't really feel safe here any more but I'm worried about how much we will end up spending on rent. We've looked online and all the houses (that are walking distance from my work - and I don't drive yet btw) are about £100 - £175 a month more than we're paying now. Admittedly this difference will be split between me and my OH so it would be an extra £50 - £90 ish each, but even so.

We can put the holiday off til later in the year / early next year even but I really, really want to be able to make more than min payments to debt - but I'm sure a house will be more than a flat to rent - but any flat we get will have the same problem surely so it has to be a house ...

Argh I dunno what to do ...

poorandindenial

Yes - move in a few months to a year - keep an eye out for a good deal on rent

Just a note to explain my post - I say move but as and when you can, don't do anything rashly that means you might be in a much worse position because you have moved in haste - and do seek some support for your mental health too, it is important that you look after yourself. If you genuinely feel like you are in danger then get out - but it sounds like your neighbours are just tw*ts - although you kow your situation best so only you cam really know what impact it is likely to have on your health and wellbeing.

Take care

CreditMonkey

No - ignore it, stay and try to keep the noise down

By yourself some earplugs and get some for everyone in your block. Lot cheaper than moving. On a serious note, go see them and say you got off on the wrong foot lets start again. Find out when they work and when its not appropriate for you to make noise and visa versa. They will have to be stupid to not want a happy peaceful home life in harmony with the neighbours. If that don't work send the boys round.......!

pandapaws

Yes - move in a few months to a year - keep an eye out for a good deal on rent

Sounds as though you've been really unlucky to end up next door to them.

If it was me, and it was upsetting me enough I'd probably move - nasty neighbours aren't much fun. The only thing is that even if you move to a house, unless it's detached you'll still have the same problem.

What about older properties? They've often got much thicker walls!

Toto

Yes - move in a few months to a year - keep an eye out for a good deal on rent

Personally I would try going round to see them again when everyone is calm. Explain how you have noticed the thin walls and how you can hear ordinary noises, even invite them in to listen to the washing machine for example. Try to be the better party here, ignore their name calling the other night and put it down to heat of the moment.

At least this way you might buy yourselves a little time to find another house which has a reasonable rent and you can afford to move. You might have to adapt and be quieter for a little while but that has to be better than dealing with the stress of a war with your neighbours.

Snaggles

Hiya!

Regardless, of who is right or wrong with the noise issue, if they are coming to your home and threatening/frightening you, I would ring the police. If your neighbours feel you are making too much noise, there are ways to deal with this, and yelling abuse at you is not one of them. We have had 'issues' with our neighbours too, so I can sympathise.

red74

Big hugs to you. I'd suggest that moving is probably the best option, but don't do it in haste, make sure you get somewhere right for you. We live in a flat with pretty grim neighboours and I hate it, even when they're just screaming at each other I'm always on edge waiting the next bang and thud. Contrary to pandapaws comment though - ours is an old flat but the walls are still paper thin - so's the floor!

mum2one

Obviously you rent is it from a housing assosiation, council or private rent.

If its housing or council you can complain through them, and they will ask you to monitor the situation, if its a private rent, ring the environmental health dept, there take details, write to the people concerned, wont mention ur name and your be asked to keep a diary for 3 weeks, this will then be assessed and depending on the outcome they may fit a noise monitor in your flat, and go from there.

Threats would come into this as well, not just noise, its anti social behaviour, if you are have been threatened I would log these dowwn and contact the police, they may not do anything to start off with but the more evidence you have, the stronger the case.

You have to b e careful though as they may be taking offence to your gatherings, and are playing a tit for tat game.

Leixlip1

I echo mum2one's comments - your local council may also have a unit that deals with anti-social behaviour/crime & community safety and they will be able to give you advice/take action regardless of your tenure. Is there a local community mediation service who may be able to assist?

splishsplash

No - stay until you've paid off your debts or you find a rent that's cheaper than you're paying now

Hi Jenna,
I voted No - stay till you've paid your debts and find somewhere with cheaper rent.
It sounds like you need to go talk to your neighbour - as Toto says, when things are calm.
You say he had one party, you've had two late night gatherings.
He warned you in advance about his, you don't seem to have returned the compliment for the first gathering. He then complained, you (apparently) ignored the note, and had a karaoke party the following weekend... so I can kind of see where he's coming from (especially as you know he works early at weekends).
That doesn't justify his reaction, though. I would let him know you don't appreciate the shouting and swearing, and late night arguing, and try to sort it out civilly. I don't understand why you feel your safety is threatened - he sounds like he was angry, not threatening?
Ordinary household noise (alarm clock, washing machine) is not really their fault - more the building's fault. As others have said, it's a matter for your LL or HA to deal with.
Best of luck.

Jenna

Thanks to all for your replies

poorandindenial ~ I take your point, we could be out of the frying pan and into the fire if we were to rush into things. I will try to go and see my doctor again as re the mental health thing - all a bit nerve wracking but you're right and I should. I don't feel like we're actually in immediate danger, but he was very intimidating, and was shouting things like "Well you're alright this time, but next time I'll really lose my temper!". Now a lot of things can be said in the heat of the moment that people don't mean, I know, but it doesn't precisely make me feel very secure either - esp as I walk to/from work alone. I know this may seem paranoid on my behalf but I've known enough sh*tty people in my life to just plain not want the hassle of worrying about it anymore.

CreditMonkey ~ Hehe good idea we asked when he worked at the time (we were trying to be diplomatic) and it seems to vary a lot; he sometimes just works in the week but also sometimes works Saturdays, Sundays or both. We both work Monday - Friday so obviously the weekends are our only time off - not a great combination - especially as his alarm clock often wakes me up on a Sunday morning! It sounds ridiculous but the only thing I can think is that the sound must carry that much further cos it's so quiet at that time of day. And obviously he will regard Friday / Saturday nights as "school nights" so will be going to bed at, what, 10.30 - 11.30 ish I suppose?

pandapaws ~ Yes it does seem like bad luck, esp as he doesn't work a normal week! We really can't afford to rent a detached place unless we move right out of town (and neither of us drive yet so then getting to work would become an issue). We've considered older properties, maybe something semi-detached or even end of terrace? I know it's not ideal but my theory would be that 1 neighbour is lots easier to keep happy than 6!

Toto ~ That's a good idea I'll talk to my OH about it. At the end of the day we need to give a min. of 8 weeks notice (if not more so we can find a place too) so we still have to co-exist with each other and there's no reason we can't all be reasonable adults about it. It's not really the language that upset me, it was just the aggression, but I know sometimes people say / do things in the heat of the moment that they later regret so who knows.