Urgent help needed to avoid drunken Ex invading family home(see from post 31 please)

reventon

further to this,

The only proviso of violence to secure entry is that she has to actually be in the premises at the time when he attends. The downside is that it works both ways, and if she was to go out and he then enter the premises, she would be unable to break a window etc to get in. Obviously this would change once an occupation order or similar was in place.

as I think it says above, breach of non molestation under is arrestable under the family law act. If she does apply for a non molestation order and it is breached, she needs to get police round asap to take the necessary statement, as this will speed up any potential arrest of the offender

reventon

I could go on all day, but depending on the males actions and the type of contact (if any) he is making with your sister, there is also the Protection From Harrassment Act 1997. I suggest that rather than me filling up this thread with words, stick that through google and have a read

garageman

reventon wrote: »

I could go on all day, but depending on the males actions and the type of contact (if any) he is making with your sister, there is also the Protection From Harrassment Act 1997. I suggest that rather than me filling up this thread with words, stick that through google and have a read

Thanks for the 3 posts above...Ive taken it all in and will pass this on to my sister....

Re the lock change etc,,,she has been told by the Police, and her solicitor that as its half his property, she cannot stop him entering and taking stuff which was bought while they were together(which annoyingly incudes, cooker, fridge, freezer, pans etc).....so she is reluctant to go to the expense of changing the locks, only to find he has smashed them to gain legal access.

During the time he was away, he sent her vile texts and often threatened her...she was told a harassment order was being prepared, and although she thought it was served.....she found out later, it never was....

We think maybe because he was on probation then, and breaking his probation would see him in prison again.....and theres no room in the prisons.

We have discovered that he has gone to his mothers(and he has gone)...supposedly for a week(200 miles away)....so the immediate danger of him moving back in has gone...This time delay will hopefully help us to prepare things for when he returns..........

Wol2

I am very sad to read this thread and wish there was more I could do.

I lived with a violent partner for 9 years way back - when the police,even when I rang them in extremis , accused me of wasting their time and wouldn;t attend - despite the fact the person concerned had broken my ribs prevously. He hit me directly after they said they wouldnt attend......

We were not married and were tenants in common

I chose to walk away with virtually nothing - because my ex partner was a control freak and a salesman ....and I knew that unless an opportunity presented itself he would not let me go. The opportunity arose (he started seeing someone else) so we parted. I walked out with the shirt on my back and I count myself very lucky indeed.

Fortunately now there is much better awareness and the police should attend if he tries to enter against consent. There is also slightly better law for long term partners ( i had no rights at the time because I wasn;t married to him).

However I woudl stress that the most important thing is to ensure the safety of all concerned. I know that there is money at stake - but this pales into insignificance in hindsight when you later come to assess the damage of hanging in there for the ££. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it - (i.e.hang in there) ..but I would urge your sister to actually work out in her own mind a risk assessment (diffcicult for her at present I know -been there and know how confused she must be and how many emotions must be whirling inside of her at present)

I cannot offer any legal or practical help asI a not up to date - although I would say that she is much better protected if she goes for a molestation or harassmnet order as it gives her rights to refuse access. (Imperative given the situation I think) I can however offer to be a helpful ear to your sister if she wants to talk to someone who has been where she is. Validation is very very important in this type of situation. I know - it took me 6 years before I found someone to validate my experience and it wasn;t until then that I could start to make the first steps forward. I know what it's like when the partner tries to turn your nearest and dearest against you, I know how I felt but also how their mind works. It is really important that you sis has some type of external support at this time to counteract the mind games.

If you feel I can help please suggest your sister ( or in the first instance yourself) to PM me.

I wish you all the best - I really feel for all of you in this situation. It is never pleasant, and it is very stressful and damaging to all.

Much love#Wol2

garageman

Wol2 wrote: »

I am very sad to read this thread and wish there was more I could do.

I lived with a violent partner for 9 years way back - when the police,even when I rang them in extremis , accused me of wasting their time and wouldn;t attend - despite the fact the person concerned had broken my ribs prevously. He hit me directly after they said they wouldnt attend......

We were not married and were tenants in common

Much love#Wol2

Thanks very much for this.........

We can see many similarities here, especially the Police not attending and them considering it a waste of time......

The harrassment order was never served.......see previous.

He has been having councelling, and "appears" to be a lot less "angry" and has even suggested signing the papers to reduce the mortgage payments, to avoid repossession.

With this in mind, my sister hopes to get the papers from her solicitor/building society early this week for him to sign, so at the moment wants to go down this track.

When this has been done, she will then take the next step of the non molestation order.

reventon

garageman wrote: »

Re the lock change etc,,,she has been told by the Police, and her solicitor that as its half his property, she cannot stop him entering and taking stuff which was bought while they were together(which annoyingly incudes, cooker, fridge, freezer, pans etc).....so she is reluctant to go to the expense of changing the locks, only to find he has smashed them to gain legal access.

Changing the locks at this stage is not a good idea for the above reasons. However if she feels that by removing these items he is actually trying to cause her alarm and distress, as opposed to merely taking the items because he needs them/has a claim to them, she should contact Police to go into the matter further as, if it can be proved, i.e. if this action is looked at in conjunction with the threatening/nasty texts, it could be deemed to evidence a course of conduct which can be dealt with under the protection from harrassmen act. It is a good idea for her to start keeping a diary of any texts/contactt from him. Of course if the texts/phone calls contain specific threats i.e. threats to kill, she should report these to the police asap. A lot of solicitors will advise people going through divorces to report as much to police as possible, as it adds weight to any divorce proceedings etc, and the more she reports to Police, the more info they have about the situation.

During the time he was away, he sent her vile texts and often threatened her...she was told a harassment order was being prepared, and although she thought it was served.....she found out later, it never was...........We think maybe because he was on probation then, and breaking his probation would see him in prison again.....and theres no room in the prisons.

I dont think that Police dealing or not dealing with something is motivated by a lack of room in prisons, more a lack of the desire to work by some police officers. She should chase this up, the Police are there to protect her, and they are a public service so the police do not tell us what to do, we tell them what to do. She should dig out any correspondence with officers names etc and recontact the Police to attempt to complain about lack of police action. Rather than the perceived thought that complaining to police will make them less likely to help, it will actually force them to act. The police force is a very political beast these days, and there is so much !!!! covering going on that no one will want to leave a vulnerbale female with small children suffering domestic violence to her own devices, for fear of any repercussions of not acting, and the potential IPCC investigations etc if relevant complaints are made.

We have discovered that he has gone to his mothers(and he has gone)...supposedly for a week(200 miles away)....so the immediate danger of him moving back in has gone...This time delay will hopefully help us to prepare things for when he returns..........

superb

garageman

reventon wrote: »

Changing the locks at this stage is not a good idea for the above reasons. However if she feels that by removing these items he is actually trying to cause her alarm and distress, as opposed to merely taking the items because he needs them/has a claim to them, she should contact Police to go into the matter further as, if it can be proved, i.e. if this action is looked at in conjunction with the threatening/nasty texts, it could be deemed to evidence a course of conduct which can be dealt with under the protection from harrassmen act. It is a good idea for her to start keeping a diary of any texts/contactt from him. Of course if the texts/phone calls contain specific threats i.e. threats to kill, she should report these to the police asap. A lot of solicitors will advise people going through divorces to report as much to police as possible, as it adds weight to any divorce proceedings etc, and the more she reports to Police, the more info they have about the situation.



I dont think that Police dealing or not dealing with something is motivated by a lack of room in prisons, more a lack of the desire to work by some police officers. She should chase this up, the Police are there to protect her, and they are a public service so the police do not tell us what to do, we tell them what to do. She should dig out any correspondence with officers names etc and recontact the Police to attempt to complain about lack of police action. Rather than the perceived thought that complaining to police will make them less likely to help, it will actually force them to act. The police force is a very political beast these days, and there is so much !!!! covering going on that no one will want to leave a vulnerbale female with small children suffering domestic violence to her own devices, for fear of any repercussions of not acting, and the potential IPCC investigations etc if relevant complaints are made.

All taken in and recorded for later....

At the moment there are no vile texts, no angry phone calls, and he has even suggested he sign the papers to reduce the mortgage, and in general is being very amiable.

He even suggested repossession of the house wasnt in his best interests.

All this is a far way from the threats he used to make...so maybe the councelling is working.

I'm just waiting for the worm to turn though...but while he is like this, it seems silly if we try to agravate him........

My sister is seeing her solicitor tomorrow, and although the "urgency" seems to have gone, she still would like to know where she stands, if he were to change his attitude and just try and move back in, as regardless of his "new attitude", she doesnt want him near her.

Ideally she would like his consent to sell, split the assets and move away....as soon as possible, and without any hassle.

Wol2

Hi garageman

Any update? hope things are going well.

Much love
Wol2
xxx

duchy

I would really urge your sister to contact Women's Aid and ask for an outreach worker-this is independent of any other other action/advice she uses/takes. They HAVE seen it all before and are familiar with working through the minefield and just as importantly will give emotional as well as practical support.

garageman

Wol2 wrote: »

Hi garageman

Any update? hope things are going well.

Much love
Wol2
xxx

Since i last posted things have been peaceful, he is off the drugs, and is being very amiable, he has tallked of them selling up and splitting the assets and going to mediation, and doing things properly...

Although I am very sceptical of his intentions, while there is peace, my sister is prepared to soldier on, trying to tie up loose ends and get the desired outcome......

He appears to have realised there is no chance of a reconcilliation, and hopefully will "move on", allowing her to do the same..

All the advice given on this thread is/was very much appreciated, a lot has been acted on and the information is stored, in case it is needed later

Thanks to everyone who contributed....We hope we dont have to come back....but know we will get suuport if we do.............