19 year old daughter in debt

happymom_2

Thanks to you all for the quick responses to my Daughter in Debt!!!! Has helped alot. I now know we are doing the right thing and she will come around eventually. Hasn't bought the car as of yet so I guess can't find anyone to co-sign for her. I'm happy about that!!!! Thanks again for all your help, ~happymom~

James240

I agree with all the other guys in here happymum, your daughter needs to learn that moeny doesnt come easy and that if she needs soomething then she saves for it, i wish i had done that now instead of having what i owe today x your definatley doing the right thing x :j

berry_2-2

Definetly sounds like you did the right thing. I was the same age when i got a car on finance (not even for me, for my good for my ex!) I'm stuck with the car for another 3 years. Not so good! Why don't you show her some of the stories on this website. People are under so much pressure now to have the 'right' material possesions, that we don't consider the price.
What counts is that she obviously has a mum who cares about her!

Smiley_Mum

Three Rs are

Respect for yourself.
Respect for other people.
Responsibility for your actions.

If your daughter is old enough to take on the responsibility of debt, then she has to accept the responsibility that goes along with paying it off. If you were to co-sign a loan then you are going to be shouldering responsibility for her debt too if it all goes pear shaped. Don't feel guilty about the fact that you haven't signed, like others have said before me, she may not like the fact but she will thank you for it later in life. She's not a kid anymore, she has to accept responsibility for any loans, debts etc that she takes on, not her parents. She isn't going to learn anything by you co-signing a loan, she is going to be deeper in debt and spending, where would it end? By not co-signing then it's a wake up call for her to get her financial matters in order. Good on you for not signing.

Ember999

Hello :hello: You are doing the right thing in my and everyone else's opinion by the sounds of it. Part of a parents responsiblity to a child is to teach them the valuable lessons of life and sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

So many people on here wish they hadn't got into debt in the first place and by helping your daughter learn these lessons you will be giving her in the long term, the greatest gift a mother can give her. Common sense and a good foundation in money management. Don't feel bad turning her down, feel proud you are helping her.

Good Luck x

happymom_2

Thanks and I did print out these pages to show her that were not alone in our actions and I found them ripped up in her trash can, I just hope she read them first. When things cool down I will show her this site and maybe it will help her. She's just very stubborn and always has been this is just one more trial for dear old mom and dad!!!!!
Thanks again everyone for your support!!!!! ~happymom~

Edinburghlass_2

She'll be like her Dad of course! I would say the fact she ripped them up means she did read them and that is her way of showing disdane.

Kids eh, who would have them but who would be without them

System

Just to say, we bailed my son out hand over fist, we never got the money back and dont expect him to either, but it really didnt help matters as 4 years on he still is totally irresponsible with his money. Now he knows better than to ask us for money. Not only that, if there are other siblings, if you bail the one child out, you have to do the same for any subsequent children when they get into a mess.

nedden

or, you could say yes we will help! however,
We want to see your last 3 months bank statements and credit card statements.
we will help you work out a realistic repayment plan for your credit card (we promise not to go crazy over how much you owe!)

also, demonstrate ways she can start to save a deposit for the car, I'm assuming she lives at home and being young she doesn't see the moneysaving advantages of this!
she could get a bar job 2 nights a week (or in the local supermarket)- you could offer to collect her to save her the taxi money home (and for safety)
instead of presents off your self for christmas and birthday offer to put the money away into an account towards the car.

It sounds like your stuck in an "argument rut" where no-one will give any ground, so if you meet her half - way , you never know she may meet you half way - and learn some lessons about debt repayment along the way!

TheBottomLine_2

happymom wrote:

Would love to know if we did the right thing.

You did the right thing, but please try to help her with the existing debt. I don't mean give her more money but try to get her to talk about it with you before things get much worse. With all due respect to other chat forum mambers, do you want to see her posting here in a few years to get help with a mountain of debt? I suspect you don't, but if she is still trying to get that loan then the future doesn't look bright. She isn't stupid, just young and inexperienced.

I hope things soon get better for you.