Care home funding advice?

elsien

Medication and food can be managed by carers, safety checks around leaving the hob on or replacing with a microwave or air fryer.

Issues with the mobility scooter can potentially be resolved with a best interest decision to remove the mobility scooter. And that in part depends on where he’s trying to go and whether he can be supported to do safely in other ways, for example by having someone with him.

I’m not saying these to back up ASC but if he wants to be at home, they are ways of trialling it with more safeguards in place. And why people say it’s all down to money? It is also about the mental capacity act and lesser restrictive options where possible.

Cubicsrube

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82140081#Comment_82140081

^this is exactly what you have to say. I’ve been where you are and 4 carer visits a day is likely going to prove completely inadequate. But the only way out is through. You get a help button/fob installed (ASC will arrange that) and make sure he knows to press it whenever he stumbles, feels unsafe, unwell, etc. When the paramedics show up you repeat ‘I know, but ASC think he is safe here’. Eventually they/the GP/hospital may see the pattern and put pressure on ASC.

It is really really hard but the system will readily absorb as much of your wife’s energy as she can give and then keep taking. The only way to get the appropriate support is to let the cracks appear, versus papering over them. I’m sorry and good luck.

lstar337

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82140603#Comment_82140603

Sadly, I think my wife will crack long before ASC. She told me last night that she wants to curl up in a black hole and drink until she cant feel any of it anymore. It's heart-breaking, and I don't see it getting better soon.

Are there any charities/groups that are around to help guide us through this? I just don't think my wife can do it any longer, she is finding it hard enough just watching him degrade into nothing. Yesterday was tough. He has got to the stage where everything is a conspiracy, he is shouting at everyone because he is frustrated, and he has started referring to the home as a prison. ASC care haven't even assessed him yet, but I'm sure when they see him saying the home is a prison and he wants to leave, they'll take that as a reason to take him out. 😔

Jude57

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82140036#Comment_82140036

The major military charities certainly do provide support to those who did National Service. At one point, National Service personnel made up a very significant proportion of serving military strength. SSAFA in particular state that one day of service qualifies a person (or their family) for support. For what it's worth, the major military charities also support those in the Territorial (volunteer), cadet and Reserve services.

lincroft1710

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82140987#Comment_82140987

I'm so pleased to hear this. Over 50 years ago one of my work colleagues (ex RAF) was a voluntary helper for SSAFA, and they seemed a very worthwhile organisation. I had read some years ago that the RBL only helped non conscripted service personnel, but that policy may have changed.

lincroft1710

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82140847#Comment_82140847

The problem is that many councils are cash strapped, often because of the continuing and increasing cost of ASC. They will therefore look for the cheapest option (or what they believe is the cheapest). Your wife has already done more than most adult children do for their ailing parents. Her grandfather's behaviour is sadly quite normal for dementia sufferers.

I am no expert but from personal experience, her grandfather is fast approaching the stage when he will have to go into a home. If it hasn't been mentioned before can his local councillor help in dealing with the council's ASC team?

lstar337

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82141109#Comment_82141109

I fear he is moving into late stage very fast. I went to see him today, and he is completely different to how he was two weeks ago. I'm no expert, but I don't think funding will soon be an issue. I sat there while he told me the same story over and over for about 15minutes. I tried to break him out of the cycle, but I couldn't. He was telling me about how he cant watch TV in his room because it says ITV1 (I figure its the logo in the top corner), so he has to turn it off. Then he turns it on and it says ITV1 again so he turns it off. He sits there doing that in a loop until someone can break him out of it. It's awful, I don't know how my wife can see him like that every other day.

According to ASC, he will be fine at home with 4 carers a day. And they can tell that over the phone without even seeing him or doing an assessment.

Cubicsrube

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82140847#Comment_82140847

I’m so very sorry.

Alzheimer’s Society were a help to us. They have really good advice about how to prepare for a care needs assessment and also support groups and resources for carers. Your wife could also talk to her own GP about those dark feelings; they might be able to a) get her support and b) advise her on how to get more backing from the wider medical and social work personnel.

Wishing you the best of luck.

tooldle

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82141136#Comment_82141136

What is he like through the night? Late stage dementia sounds some way off from your descriptions so far.

stripling

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82141136#Comment_82141136

Hi @lstar337

May I suggest that you take these questions to the Alzheimer's Society. They are the absolute experts. They have a superb forum and also a hotline you can call for advice. Plus loads of fact sheets and so on. They know every nook and cranny of what is and isn't possible and they are brilliantly supportive. If you scroll down the page you'll find the phone number and a link to the forum too. Please, please use this excellent, expert resource.

There's a bit of misunderstanding in this thread. Which is why I advise the AZ Society.

Until your neighbour's money runs down to the £23500 level where he becomes elegible for a contribution towards his care home fees, it's no one's business where he is. Obviously, it's unhelpful for him to be in some luxury number because he won't be able to cover it further down the line. But until he has a full financial assessment no one should be moving him from where he is. If he needs a specialist dementia home the council have a lot less leeway in forcing him out.

The magic word you need to use is 'safeguarding' - he is absolutely NOT safe to be left at home alone with domiciliary carers popping in for the odd half hour here and there. He could overdose or burn the house down never mind anything else. Plus, domiciliary care can end up costing as much as a care home if his needs increase and then a council won't cover it anyway.

I've been where you are and this is why I suggest the best place for you to get advice is the Alzheimer's Society.