Finally going to solve this debt once and for all

daisy_1571

I'm sorry to hear you've gone through this. It must have been very frightening and I'm sure there's not much reasoning with somebody if they are in drug or alcohol induced state. Whilst it must be playing on your mind just now, there may well be no point borrowing trouble from tomorrow, it might never happen again. You are forewarned now that he has turned physical once, you will be ready in future if he ever turns up somewhere you are, dont get cornered in a room, keep yourself near the door, watch his face and eyes to try to predict movements towards you, keep any interactions to the minimum, you don't necessarily have to be stronger to be able to get out of a situation (although obviously that helps) but you do need to get away from the situation as quickly as you can. You are probably correct not to get involved in court cases, that won't help your mum.

ArtyJ931

That is truly awful abaka - I hope you’re ok and getting support. There is an excellent book called Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft which is about domestic abuse/violence and is the best book about it ever. I think it’s largely from a romantic perspective but I still think it would be useful for your recovery.

in_need_of_direction

so sorry to hear what you’re dealing with. I too had an alcoholic sibling. One lesson that I learnt was alcoholism is alcohol, I, self and me. Don’t be waiting for remorse, it’ll only genuinely come when the problem is addressed

ArtyJ931

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82149034#Comment_82149034

I was a carer for many years to a friend (initially, things turned bad obviously) who was an alcoholic and I can’t believe the things she said and did to her family. In her eyes though they were the ones being mean and abusive to her. She put her children and family through hell. In her most reflective times nearing the end she felt remorse about what her children had grown up with but it didn’t stretch to anybody else. It was horrible.

abaka

Unfortunately I have experienced alcoholism in my own father but he was never really abusive. Neglectful sometimes but not abusive.

My wife’s birth father was also an alcoholic and extremely verbal and emotionally abusive. We made the decision to cut him out of our life’s in Dec 2020.

Physical abuse and also the effects of drug abuse are completely unchartered water!

Regardless the show must go on. Payday!

Transferred the necessary amounts to my pots today and also the bills money. Pots are looking very healthy for the time being. I was supposed to be at dentist on Thursday but have to cancel that as I can’t be off site in work at the time it’s scheduled for!

I have been toying with just paying the minimum amounts on my credit cards for the next few months and saving up an even bigger emergency fund. I don’t know why, I think my current EF is a healthy amount and I don’t need to increase it anymore. I think I’m starting to get attached to having big pots of money sitting there that is mine. Even if I won’t touch them! (If I had that mindset originally, I wouldn’t be in this mess)

But I’m committed to sticking to my current plan, as that should allow me to clear all card debt before I have to pay interest and that’s a massive win for me!

(I did say that I’d contemplate different scenarios but I’m not going to switch my focus lol)

Blackcats

I'm very sorry to read about the difficulties with your brother but at the moment your strategy seems to be the best option.

I also find it reassuring to build up pots of money and resent dipping into them but credit card interest is extortionate so sticking to your plan is sensible. The quicker the credit card debts are gone the sooner you are back in charge of how you use your money each month.

Baldybear

Lurker here and couldnt just read and run. Just wanted to share own experience of substance abuse, my bro in law has had this issue for yrs and now I refuse to see or speak to him, he is so rude to me if dh isnt here so refuse to be in the house with him alone, also brought stuff in house to endanger dd, that was my last straw. Luckily only see maybe a few times a yr and I dont say even hello just stay out of the room with dd. Dh is now fed up, finally, the amount of money lent makes me sick qnd I wish I never had but you try and help and hindsight hey!

The thing that really sticks out is about your mum turning on you, that I can understand, my dh mum keeps saying please support him, she is abroad, but we are done and she is only fuelling his behaviour, I understand hard as own children but is she willing to let one son get hurt to save the other who clearly is selfish and doesnt care? I do hope she can see forward somehow, because if its a stranger next time she cant control and needs to see it clearly?

Its a carp situation and hope you can move on quickly.

abaka

Thanks for chiming in!

Made a payment of £130 to my Barclaycard today. The minimum payment was £70 so overpaying that by quite a bit. Will hopefully make another £100 payment at the end of the month if things stick to plan!

That balance is now £7080 which means I’m close to my first real milestone and victory. The Barclaycard switching from a 7 to a 6!

Direct debits come out for my two credit union loans tomorrow so will do a 1st of the month update then. Octobers going to be an expensive month but I’ve got my pots now!

Makingabobor2

Excellent over payment

foxgloves

That's a good over-payment. I remember how motivating I used to find it seeing the figures coming down.