Discussion about a divorce and house sale and realistic prospect

doubled1989

Hello

going through a very messy and stressful divorce and it has taken its toll on me mentally and severely impacted my health

Anyway, with the divorce and mediation not being agreed on what will happen here?

She can literally barely afford the upkeep of the house at this moment in time, let alone if anything changes. She is on CMS , low part time wage and universal credit. She is demanding I sign up to 5 or 10 year mortgage and basically tied into it for however long without living there and be able to live my life. I am at risk of my job being lost because of certain events.

is a large house.

She says she can pay mortgage on her own but not other bills like car finance, but if the divorce go to court what would a realistic outcome be here?

At this current moment, according to her, she can barely afford to pay for things without benefits. Let alone if CMS changes or bills go up. I earn a lot more then her

she cannot buy me out

Would a judge order a sale if there are 2 children there? If there are affordability concerns. Or would I be stuck in this situation forever where I am forced to sign up to mortgages for long time and then they live there and I am forever screwed into this situation where I need to pay CMS and possible the mortgage if she just decides not to or cant?

She seems to think that no judge or bank would ever do anything as they are protected and have children

RAS

There's a lot more that needs consideration.

They'll look at income, income potential, equity in the home, pensions (total value not what it generates), other assets.

Do not sign anything. Do you know about wikivorce, which is a good basic starter. And certainly do not commit to remarriage, as that affects your options.

What do you mean mediation not agreed to? She refuses to attend? She refuses to accept what was suggested? What evidence do you have, as refusing mediation does not go down well.

Albermarle

As there are children involved, a judge would put their needs first, but that does not mean that your needs would be totally ignored. I guess this would mean she and the children stay in the house, and you will have to subsidise this if necessary on top of the CMS payments. However I would avoid if at all possible getting involved in directly signing up for a mortgage- just making regular payments to her would be simpler.

However anything like that would have to be agreed formally, otherwise you will be very vulnerable to endless demands.

Once the children reach 18, then things will change and she might be forced to sell. Maybe some future scenario like this could be written into any agreement.

As above she is weakening her position by not agreeing to mediation. A judge will not like that.

elsien

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82070622#Comment_82070622

Not necessarily. If the house is too big to house a woman and two children, then it could be sold so that both parents are able to handle themselves adequately.

The children’s needs have to be met but does not follow that they must in the house until they are 18 if there are alternative ways of adequately housing them. It can be the difference between preference and need.

Pollycat

"Would a judge order a sale if there are 2 children there?

She seems to think that no judge or bank would ever do anything as they are protected and have children"

A very good friend of mine went through an acrimonious divorce over 10 years ago.

Her 'friends' told her she could stay in the house until the youngest was 18 (aged 8 at the time).

I told her they were wrong.

She chose to believe them as it was what she wanted to hear, despite her solicitor saying she would probably have to sell the house so he could have his share.

She paid the mortgage for more than 2 years until she finally had to sell. The money she paid was just 'lost'.

He never paid a penny towards the mortgage or bills, he paid maintenance for the children.

doubled1989

so she is trying to get me to agree to extend the mortgage for 5/10 years

and then is on a low income and can afford it with benefits and CMS money and she seem to think that there will be spousal support

she wants me to continue to pay for the car during this and pay half of it even though I have no use for it anymore and do not use it

My worry is that how can I practically live myself and rent somewhere if she will be unable to pay mortgage or bills for one month? She will need to pay for house insurance and car insurance and is saying I need to pay for it as the registered keeper

So if for whatever reason she cannot pay a bill then I am on the hook for mortgage and if I have no job then I am done for

doubled1989

she says she will be paying the mortgage and can afford it, but then says she cannot afford other bills and a car for herself and wants to extend it for 2 years

doubled1989

what if they make me pay spousal support?

Albermarle

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82071466#Comment_82071466

Well they might, but they will take into account your own financial position, and if it changes.

You need to persuade her somehow to go to mediation.

RAS

You need some proper advice.

If she gets CMS, the expectation is that she pays the mortgage out of that.

Can you list all your joint debts, including the car and house?

The nasty thing is that if she fails to pay any of the joint debts, your credit record also gets trashed. But, at least short term, she still gets the benefit of it.

Do you have copies of all the legal paperwork for all these debts? Particularly the car and house.

Where are you living now? Can you save up enough for a room in a shared house (if under 35), or a small flat? If this goes to court, you need to demonstrate housing costs.

How old are the kids?

How long since she last worked?

I've only really seen one spousal maintenance here. That was a woman who'd barely ever worked and had two teenagers. He was a very high earner and she was after her pound of flesh. Obviously they had a lot of assets to share.

She was given some support for about 2 years so she could retrain. The house was sold. She got quite a lot of equity but he traded that for his pension. She went to live with daddy, who'd keep her as she expected.

elsien

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82071466#Comment_82071466

Spousal support is very rare nowadays, and in the case of my sibling was time limited to allow the ex to retrain and get a job. Ex was absolutely not enthused at the prospect of getting a job but that is how the real world works.
How old are your children?