Am I being Petty?

MrsPorridge

I go to a meeting once a month. In October I was asked if I could take another lady with me (she lives around the corner) as she didn’t like driving in the dark. I happily said yes, and she said that she would drive us in the summer.

Roll on to May. She never texted me and I texted her to see if she was going. She said yes. I then said I will pick you up. I was annoyed as it was light and she could have driven us. When I picked her up her first words after hello were: I could have driven us!

Our next meeting is next week. I am wondering whether I should just leave it till the day and if I haven’t heard from her say I can’t pick her up as I am going somewhere else first and then straight to the meeting without going home. Or am I being petty? I will be going anyway.

What do you think?

MeteredOut

Yes it would be great if she'd volunteered to drive, but if you want her to drive, why not just ask her? Or, if that is too awkward:

"Hey, are you going this month? I was thinking we should take turns about driving"

That opens the discussion for her to volunteer to drive. If she doesn't, then perhaps she never will, but at least you will know.

I'd suggest thats a better option that being deceitful.

oldernonethewiser

You initiated the May contact and offered to drive.

Had you been texting her before or was she texting you to confirm that you would pick her up?

After she had said she could have driven you then you should have said "great, you can do the June drive"

MrsPorridge

Thanks both, She has initiated some texts and me others. I like the idea of asking her if she is driving us. I would prefer to do that I think. As you say if she makes an excuse then I know where I stand. I won’t text her until the a couple of hours before I am due to leave - hopefully she will text me before that!

Reading this makes me realise how petty it is! I am the wrong side of 60 so should not be affected :)

MeteredOut

Hey, don't knock a bit of pettiness. Sometimes its what gets me through a day at work :)

Albermarle

Some people do not think ahead very well, or very clearly, or are disorganised. So it might be just that she needs a prod, rather than than she is doing anything deliberately.

twopenny

I've had this several times. I've really been taken advantage of. There are some who will do that, excuses, must buy you some flowers for taking me, and never do.

I ended up using the bus for one activity so I could say I enjoyed the walk afterwards. Blooming nuisance though it was ok and saved me some money.

I've never found the answer because any suggestion and you are made to feel petty and guilty. They have a knack and a cheeky I could never manage.

subjecttocontract

'Am I being Petty ?'

Yes I think you are. If you want to drive, let her know, if you want a lift, let her know.......end of. If she seems unable to organise or pre plan just do it yourself and everyone is happy.

Brie

I have the opposite problem in that a close neighbour and I attend the same art group 3 or 4 times a month. Initially if I saw him walking to one of the group meetings I'd stop and offer a lift, particularly if it was extra cold or rainy.

Then as I was able to attend more regularly I asked if he'd like a ride and he said yes. So now it's a case of me texting him the evening before (meetings start at 9:30 or 10 am) to say I'm going and does he want a ride. And he is always polite and pleased to respond yes. I wish that he would text me occasionally, if only to remind me as otherwise I might not text him until later in the evening. He's an older single gentleman so likely would consider it bad manners to ask if I'm going and can he have a ride. He doesn't drive and I can't walk that far so I'll always be driving.

MrsPorridge

Thanks all! Feeling a lot calmer about the whole thing now.

If this is all I have to worry about then I am one lucky lady.

maman

Some people just don't like driving as much as others @MrsPorridge but as she's said she's OK on light evenings then I'd try to encourage her for the next couple of months.

I'd text her and say something like 'Are you going to the meeting and are you OK to drive?'. I'd do it sooner rather than later as it'll stop you fretting. 😊