I am getting a divorce, as main earner (85%) of household I am being told I need to leave, advice pl

LeeDGdelboy

Hi

getting a divorce and have been told I need to move out the house, got hit with a non-mol and occ order which got over turned as nothing was wrong with it and now being told I am not allowed to go back in by ex partner

I have to go stay elsewhere to "save money" whilst they have a 4 bed house and are PT whilst the wage does not even cover the mortgage. Turns out they now claim UC aswell which is why they wanted me out.

What are my rights as I cannot afford legals right now

can I just go back and refuse to leave?

Worried_fool

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6665270/i-am-getting-a-divorce-as-main-earner-85-of-household-i-am-being-told-i-need-to-leave-advice-pl

You say you cannot afford legals! No, you cannot afford NOT to take legal advice.

RAS

Have you connected with wikivorce? Has the ex actually started divorce proceedings.

You can DIY divorce but unless things are friendly, you need legal advice for the financial settlement. The starting point is 50:50 of everything, including house, pensions etc.

Exodi

Out of interest, who's 'they'?

It reads that you've already moved out (a mistake in my opinion).

What is the plan in regards to a financial order? Will 'they' buy you out (unlikely by the sounds of it) or will the house need to be sold? The reason I think moving out was a mistake is I expect your ex will not be able to buy you out, nor be keen to sell. You could end up with a Mesher order, which I think would be the worst outcome for you. Staying in the house with 'them' would at least motivate everyone to come to a deal, you having moved out means there's no urgency to cut a deal - quite the opposite.

Keep_pedalling

Do you have non adult children?

LeeDGdelboy

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81973216#Comment_81973216

never heard of wikivource thanks

we have both started the proceedings yes, she is being VERY difficult though

LeeDGdelboy

yes 2x of them under 6

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81973286#Comment_81973286

LeeDGdelboy

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81973263#Comment_81973263

thanks for this

they = ex

they have no plan yet for the order, and they are outright refusing to discuss any sale of house even though it clearly cannot be afforded without CSA, their wage , extra from me and UC….

I have not moved out per se, but they are refusing to live in the same house if I am there and are taking the children out voluntarily to other peoples houses for days on end, and then I went away for a bit for chill time from it all

Stateofart

Never leave the house in these situations. Possession is 9-10ths of the law etc. etc.

What's stopping you moving back in? If 'they' is the ex just saying you can't move back in, because they say so, there's nothing stopping you moving back in.

Typically, the person who gets the house is now in a position to drag their heels over every decision, based on the fact that the longer they prolong it, the longer they can stay in the house. You moving back in will certainly re-focus their efforts on getting an amical end.

Exodi

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81973344#Comment_81973344

So sorry, dim moment on my part. I automatically interpreted they as being plural, so wondered if the situation was the ex living with a new partner! Phew.

I would avoid fully moving out at all costs in that case then, else they'll have absolutely no incentive to come to a deal with you, quite the opposite.

Have you guys sat down and worked out what a split might look and how it might be achieved? As you mention you state you earn 85% of the household income, it might be that as your pension is likely significantly larger, you might offset this by giving her the majority of the equity in the property. Perhaps if she realised that selling the house and working towards a financial order would see her with a large chunk of change in her pocket to potentially move into her own place, might motivate her to work with you.

Unfortunately she's likely in the awkward situation if she earns very limit and is living off UC that she wouldn't be able to get a mortgage and probably knows if she did receive a large windfall, her UC would be stopped in the expectation that she uses it for living expenses till it's all gone. The stumbling block in this and what people miss when this occasionally goes to court, is that she will be expected to maximise her income, especially if the kids are both in school. Working a few hours a few because that's what she's accustomed to would not fly.

Have you discussed custody? Will you share care 50/50 or will one of you take on the majority of childcare responsibilities?

LeeDGdelboy

she is refusing outright to move and sell and wants to do the mesher order thing

she wants 75%/25 childcare

however I will not be able to afford anywhere stable to go

I have multiple times offered her a large share of house sale which is being refused

i just do not know what to do anymore