Selling home emotions

GDB2222

We have been living in our present home for almost 30 years, but it’s too big for us now and we feel that we ought to sell it and buy somewhere smaller. Even though this is clearly a sensible idea, we are both really unhappy at the prospect of moving. It feels quite a lot like a bereavement.

We have found a really nice house to move to that we both like, too.

Any words of wisdom about how to deal with this please?

TroubledTarts

It happens a lot and the reason many that get older are left with unmanageable homes and gardens.

When we have moved we always list the pros and cons of the old Vs new and lessons learnt about what we love about our home/location and what a new home might bring to the equation.

Also think about the money if it's a downsize and what that will be useful for, have a fun plan for that equity almost a bucket list as such.

Dont know if that helps but in about 10-15 years we will probably be doing the same thing. For us important things will be near to good public transport for access to local towns/city and airport, good village/town amenities etc

silvercar

List the positives. That may include not worrying about needing to do those little jobs you’ve never got round to, not feeling you should be doing a spot of gardening. Also, imagine how much lower your heating bills will be.

Being slightly morbid, it’s easier to move when there are two of you to cope with the upheaval rather than just one of you.

Sarahspangles

My parents were in a similar position after owning for 40 years, my mother specifically was very sentimental about the house. I can tell you that any warm and fuzzy feelings any of the family had about it had evaporated by the time it was sold. My mother passed away, and my father wasn’t interested, or by the end capable, of running such a large house and garden. Family who lived farther away tended to invite him to stay with them rather than visit and end up doing endless DIY and gardening. And it was much harder for him to contemplate moving once he was a widower, or even making any changes from how it was when my mother was alive. For several years he lived one fall away from being forced into a care home. It was such a worry for us all.

I wish they’d asked for help while my mother was still there to guide us about what to do with their things. They could have had one last big Summer party, so that that was the grandchildrens’ memory of the house. Then moved somewhere easy to care for, and had another party.

RelievedSheff

Try to think about the positives of the new home, you clearly like it or you wouldn't be willing to move. What has drawn you to the new one? What are it's positives?

And hard as it may be try not to compare the new house to your current home.

You are downsizing so will have less space. Try to declutter before you move so that you don't end up with too much "stuff" in your new home that makes it feel cramped and cluttered. You want the move to be a positive experience.

Keep_pedalling

We did this 2 years ago. We lived in the previous house for 38 years and brought up our children there. We were in our early 70s when we did it and although neither of us had mobility problems we moved from a 1930s semi to a very modern detached bungalow, so as we get older we have no stairs to worry about and already have a walk in shower so we should be a better situation should our health go down hill. The new place is lower maintenance and a lot cheaper to heat.

I think if we had left it until we were older it would have been much harder. It also helped that we moved to a small town where our son lives, there are plenty of opportunities for a good social life and everything is walkable.

horsewithnoname

I’ve only moved twice in my 60 odd years, but I was too excited about my new home to fret about my old home. Sold my old childhood home fairly recently but no emotion really, just a job that needed to be done. Maybe I’m just strange?

MEM62

Any words of wisdom about how to deal with this please?

It could not be simpler. If you are happy where you are and can manage the property physically and financially the don't move.

Move because you want to not because you feel that you should.

Cairnpapple

Firstly I think acknowledge your feelings and don't try to talk yourselves out of them. I like the idea above of having a party before you leave. Maybe commission a picture of your old house or get some photos framed to go in your new house.

Secondly, hire all the help you can afford and make the process as easy as possible. Even if you're quite minimalist, you can build up a lot of stuff over 30 years, so consider a professional organiser to help with the declutter. Good movers who will also pack. Help with cleaning. If you're already dealing with the emotional side there's no point in suffering on the practical side.

mebu60

I downsized after 18.5 years in the house I brought up my daughter. When consulted about how she might feel about me selling I got 'What took you so long?' and 'How much space does one person need?'. I was also very aware of older friends saying they wished they'd downsized when they were able as now they could not face the prospect.

I had quite a lot of 'stuff' which also included parents and uncle items as they died in that period. I found it beneficial to hire a storage unit as I didn't feel emotionally capable with all the other stresses of sale and purchase to offload stuff on top. I started with a 40ft unit. It took 3 years! Covid added to the delay but I gradually migrated to a 20ft then a 10ft. Freecycling was fun when telling people to meet you in an industrial unit behind rows of containers! All I have in the loft here is empty boxes. Having helped clear various properties over the years it concentrates the mind on trying to minimise what my daughter will be faced with one day.

The cost savings aren't proportionate but life is definitely easier having downsized.

vacheron

Remember when you go on holiday for a couple of weeks, and when you come to pack up to leave there is still often a little bit of sentimentality, the things you have grown familiar with even in such a short time. the places, the people, the memories.

You feel sad to leave, and are sure you will return again, then a few days after you get home and get settled in your new routine, you forget all about what you though you would miss. You have your photos and your memories and others to share them with, which in reality is what life is truly most about, and soon you will come to realise that is more than enough.