My Old Style 'Full Circle' - Sorry, bit long

Sassamac

this makes interesting reading, thanks for posting.

2 points interested me - firstly that you were better at the OS style when you were in your 20's than your 30's, because its often people in their 20's that are associates as wasting money and not understanding the value of it. You showed a lot of maturity to be running at family and a budget so young.
Secondly that you were at your most skint (or most in debt) when you were earning the most, which is paradoxical on the surface, but just goes to show that often the more money you earn, the less you end up keeping hold of.

apinnyon

Sassamac - Yes, it's daft isn't it. The point is that when I was in my 20's, old style wasn't old style to me. It was just the normal way to do things and strangely, probably due to my immaturity rather than maturity.

HariboJunkie

apinnyon wrote: »

My 16 year old son's friends are always in our house lately ( probably because of the homemade cake:D ) I was talking to one of them a few weeks ago and he said he wished his mum was a 'proper' mum like me. He was referring to the fact that his mum works long hours, so is not at home when he gets in from school. I nearly cried!

First of all well done on all you have achieved apinnyon.

But can I ask why that boys words made you nearly cry?

I appreciate that in an ideal world, everyone would like their mothers' to be at home for them all the time. Unfortunately it can't always be the case and a 16 year old lad is probably quite capable of seeing himself in from school. I did it from age 15 when my mother died and my father worked. (no one queried him being at work.)
I have been lucky enough to be able to stay at home while my girls where babies and have enjoyed it. I now work part time for my husband so I am able to be home for the girls every afternoon. But I would never, ever judge any woman who worked outside the home. I couldn't judge because I would never presume to know the circumstances that led to it.
Another point to remember is that some woman thrive in a working environment and are seriously better off mentally than if they stayed at home 24/7 with a young family.
Hourses for courses and all that.

Bogof_Babe

Lovely thread, thanks for starting it Apinnyon. (Love the double entendre of your name too, not sure if it's intentional!).

What I am puzzled by is why you moved to a bigger house with a bigger mortgage, just when you had effectively decided to downsize. I'm probably missing something obvious, but I'm curious.

bellaquidsin

apinnyon, Well done. I'm with you all the way. I've managed to pick my way through life and bring up two children OS and live for most of the time on hubby's wage.

I have had two part time jobs on the way but neither lasted very long because I felt guilty not being at home. The first was in a knitting wool shop. I loved the job and I love knitting, consequently I was paying them nearly as much as they paid me in a week, buying wool!!!

My last part time job was as a domestic care assistant in a residential home for the elderly. That meant we cared for the residents and did some domestic work as well. My duties included baking which I love and cooking the tea, but if one (or more) of the residents was sick then their care fell to my lot as well as I had previous geriatric nursing experience. It was hard work. One day, the girl I worked with who was half my age, said she always bought fish and chips after her shift there as she was too tired to cook tea for her family when she got home. That did it for me, our tea for myself other half and two teenage children was always sitting in the slow cooker waiting for when I arrived home, and yes I was alway shattered but if I had bought fish and chips for the four of us it would have used up all my afternoon's earnings. I thought, if that's the way it's done, I'm not doing it so gave in my notice.

One of the hardest things I have had to contend with over the years is the attitude of friends and aquaintances. I am frequently referred to as a lady of leisure. :rotfl: Another jibe which really gets my back up is that I am houseproud because people seem to imagine I am cleaning and polishing 24/7 because I am not out at work.

I am happy at home although I have at times found it a little isolating but not any more since I found all the lovely people on here who 'have the knowledge',

Keep it up apinnyon. Love that name by the way as I am never so happy as when I put a pinny on.

Bella

apinnyon

Haribo Junkie - I wasn't sad for him - Just happy for me!! I would never think to judge any woman for the decisions they make as long as they are happy. There have been times over the past couple of years that I have felt such a failure as a mum and a wife (because I'm not superhuman) that to be told I was a 'proper' mum, even in the opinion of a teenager, was quite a moment for me. When I was teaching I gave countless hours of my time to support my (teenage) form group. I just always seemed to run out of steam when I finally got home to my own kids. Don't get me wrong, they are fantastic, well adjusted individuals. It was me that got messed up!!

Churchmouse

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Lovely thread, thanks for starting it Apinnyon. (Love the double entendre of your name too, not sure if it's intentional!).

What I am puzzled by is why you moved to a bigger house with a bigger mortgage, just when you had effectively decided to downsize. I'm probably missing something obvious, but I'm curious.

I thought it was just me!!!I re-read it about 3 times, but decided to keep quiet, because I thought i was missing something:rotfl: Thanks for being braver:o :T

PS We've stayed in the tiniest house, despite having 4 sons, so that we could just about afford for me to stay at home.

scotrae

Thank you for sharing Apinnyon. My family supported me through retraining as a teacher and I couldn't believe my luck when I qualified and found my 'dream (and part-time) job'. I found myself planning round the clock and stressed to the eyeballs, with DH doing most of the cooking and picking up bits of shopping and expensive stuff here and there because I hadn't got round to shopping. Weekends were awful - I was stressed (spot the theme) and couldn't get the balance between work and family. And financially we were slipping further and further behind. I could see what was happening and I didn't like it. I resigned from my 'dream post' because I felt that I wasn't doing justice to the children in my class or my own family and I had no time to find a 'next job' before finishing at Christmas.

But the time we've had as a family over the past couple of weeks has been amazing and we've all appreciated it. I've started the GC with a very tight weekly budget of £25 (and full cupboards) and I am sorting through things to find what can be ebayed / car booted etc. I'll worry about a new job on Monday once my boys go back to school but for now I feel happier than i have done for ages.

I hope that others take heart from what you've written and I wish you and your family a fabulous new year.

apinnyon

Hurrah scotrae - That's exactly how I feel!

Bogof- babe and churchmouse - I'm afraid the moving thing is just typical of the DH and me! Although our mortgage is a bit bigger, we have so much more space and a bigger garden with space for veggies. Our quality of life has improved as a result and we are so happy in our home that we don't yearn to get away on breaks and holidays anymore. We also have space to entertain more and for people to stay over. Also our entire time in our last house was blighted by depression and anxiety. I still can't drive past it yet without getting stressed. I yearned for our first house where we were so happy, so a clean break from our old life seemed like the best way to move forward. I am happy to economise in other areas in order to cover the extra couple of hundred on the mortgage. We have truly not regretted it.

Bogof_Babe

Oh, thank you for explaining. That makes perfect sense. I am so pleased you are happy in your new home. It sounds like the other one was just a house, but this is truly "home".