My Old Style 'Full Circle' - Sorry, bit long

apinnyon

Hello everyone,

I have been lurking for a year now but have never had the courage to post before. I have been so inspired by you all, laughed, cried (a lot) when reading some of the threads, but most of all I have been reminded that old style is perfectly normal. Thank you!!!!!

I hope nobody minds but I would like to share my old style story with you all. I feel like I have crawled out of a dark hole into the sunshine over the last few months and I need to write things down. Here goes...

I was 20 when I married, 16 years ago. I had never been away from home before and therefore did every thing the way my mum and MIL did things. I planned meals, cooked from scratch and shopped carefully. Within a year I had my DS so left work. DD was born a year later. My husband took a paycut to go to uni one day a week so money was tight, but we budgeted carefully and saved for the things we wanted. Neither of us had a credit card and rarely dipped into the overdraft. I had labled jars we would use to save for car tax, Christmes etc.

DH was at uni for a total of six years and during that time I had part time jobs, including 6 nights a week at a pub for two years, avon, cleaning, anything to pay the bills. We rarely went out, had no sky or internet but had so much fun with the kids. We went to parks, museums, the woods and had picnics just about everywhere.

In 2000, DH got a good job and it was my turn to go to uni. I trained as a teacher for 3 years and loved every minute.In 2003 I got my first teaching post and DH got a new, better paid job. We were earning more money than we had ever dreamed would be possible. We had two new cars, moved into a bigger house, money for going out, holidays, clothes, treats for the kids. For a while it was great, but then the cracks began to show. We were both working very long hours and bringing work home as well. I would be too busy or tired to plan meals or even shop sometimes so we ate LOTS of takeaways. I would go weeks without cooking a proper meal. The impact on our health was immense. We both put on 3 stone in 3 years and DH had high blood pressure and cholesterol. We paid someone to clean, do the garden and the ironing. We felt we deserved this as we worked so hard.

Budgets went out of the window and we just spent whatever, whenever and before long, poor management led to cc's loans and overdrafts. By Jan 06 DH was suffering from severe depression and almost split up. By December I was having panic attacks and severe anxiety. We no longer had fun, but would sit slumped in front of our expensive TV watching expensive sky in a cluttered and untidy house that I didn't have the energy to sort out.

In jan 07 we had our LBM and knew things had to change.Last year DH changed to a less stressful (and less well paid job) I left work completely (really tough decision, but don't regret it) and we moved to a bigger house with a bigger mortgage. We have much less money now but I have time and am rediscovering my old style ways(with your help:D ). I feel more in control of my life again now. We are clearing our debts (slowly) and remembering what it is like to have fun.

The thing I have realised is that old style is normal for me and that all the waste and excess just made us so unhappy.

Sorry for rambling on, but it feels good to write it all down.

Hardup_Hester

Hi appiniyon
Thanks for sharing this with us, it's great to hear other peoples experiences.
Hester

mumoftwo

Thanks for sharing, It just shows that having money can't buy you health and happiness. Great that you are much happier now...

mary43

Proves a point very clearly..................more money doesn't really mean a thing does it. It's quality of life thats important............that's what you had in the beginning and thats what you have now.
Good luck and thankyou for that. It puts everything into perspective:j

belfastgirl23

Very inspirational story - well done!

needmoney

Time really is more important than money, if only we could all realise it early in life, Good on you for changing back and very Good Luck for the future.

thriftlady_2

apinnyon wrote: »

In 2003 I got my first teaching post and DH got a new, better paid job. We were earning more money than we had ever dreamed would be possible. We had two new cars, moved into a bigger house, money for going out, holidays, clothes, treats for the kids. For a while it was great, but then the cracks began to show. We were both working very long hours and bringing work home as well. I would be too busy or tired to plan meals or even shop sometimes so we ate LOTS of takeaways. I would go weeks without cooking a proper meal. The impact on our health was immense. We both put on 3 stone in 3 years and DH had high blood pressure and cholesterol. We paid someone to clean, do the garden and the ironing. We felt we deserved this as we worked so hard.

.

Thanks for sharing your story Apinnyon:)

The bit above really resonates with me. I was also a teacher and gave up when my first child was born. I am sure if I were still working things would go the same way as they did for you. I am thankful every day that I don't have to work and have nothing but admiration for those who manage a house and family in an OS way and work full-time too.

Hope to see you around the board a lot in the future


edit: I've nominated you for 'post of the month' , I think you have demonstrated that money doesn't equal happiness very eloquently.

soappie

Well done Apinnyon.

In some respects, part of my story echoes yours. A few years ago I was on really good money, being put up at expensive hotels, eating out at expensive restaurants all paid for by the company for months on end, coming home only at weekends.

I too put on a couple of stone and began to take an awful lot of the fine life for granted. I would come home on a Friday night and just yearn for beans on toast - no chef I ever encountered would actually do that for a dinner for me! I also got v. bored with it all.

Even now, if someone suggests going out to a restaurant or ordering in a takeaway for dinner I tend to turn them down. Why pay out all that money for something you can cook just as well at home and for a quarter of the price?

Sometimes, less really is more!

FrenchMaid_2

Aww thanks for sharing. Makes you feel more normal, when we had DD we decided that one of us would work from home and one would go to work so we could raise DD ourselves. I went back to work in August and DH stayed home, his job was going downhill and I was earning more anyways so it seemed fair. However, I went back to a job I hated, so this made me very depressed, also the role reversal didn't really work that well on several levels. But now DH found a great job, earns more than me, I have successfully (while working full time) laid the foundation for my own business working from home, so we swap back. We have to sacrifice because if we both went out to work we would certainly have more take home pay - but I do think our relationship, health, family and above all DD would suffer!

apinnyon

Thank you so much for your replies. I wasn't sure if anyone would be interested in my ramblings!Wow, thriftlady - Thank you - That has really made me feel emotional.:T

Thinking back it is quite terrifying that my (our) inability to cope with money made such a mess of things. Still, getting back on the right track now. I get so much more pleasure from my home than I ever did while working.

I will definately be a regular on these boards from now on.

apinnyon

soappie - you are so right about going out and takeaways. All our friends seem to want to come to our house for dinner now, instead of going out. For a lot of them it's the only time they have a home cooked meal!!

I actually worked out how much going out to work was costing me - look away if you are of nervous disposition...

All per month
Takeaways - £300 (Yes really)
Food & booze - £500ish (Yes, on top of the takeaways and most of it ended up in the bin as I was too tired/lazy to cook it and bought takeaway instead)
Gardener - £35
Cleaner - £250
Ironing - £100
Childcare - £240

Total £1425

I was only bringing home £1795!!!!!!!:eek:

The only one of those I have now is food which is about £400 per month.

I was in a pickle wasn't I?