Rescue dog impasse, is there an obvious compromise?

middlewife

elsien said:

it feels a bit like it is much about recapturing elements of when he was younger. 

His life is different now and if he couldn’t make time to train or walk the rescue that you had where does he think for agility is going to come in? He’s not being realistic, although getting him to see that may be a different matter.

I think you've hit the nail on the head, it's all about not wanting to grow old, as if the dog is some sort of talisman! He is, unfortunately, an "expert" on everything, while I, of course, know nothing. He is currently trying to work out whether it's worth claiming for an accident, the story of which changes every time I ask, and, conveniently, he isn't able to download dashcam footage. Never his fault, sigh......

MayDogsandCoffee

As someone who competes (not agility), all breeds can and will do dog sports, my dog is my world I go to training clubs and events throughout the year.  I don't have a collie, it would not suit my lifestyle I need a more laid back breed that will switch off when I am working.  The fact that he didn't get involved with the last dog makes me doubt his ideas training for agility. Rescue dogs do need a different type of work than puppy, they both have pros and cons but all dogs need mental and physical exercise and the owners time and attention.

Emmia

I think your OH is in love with the concept of having a a collie... Rather than the reality.

Savvy_Sue

To answer the question, there's no obvious compromise with 

middlewife said:

He is, unfortunately, an "expert" on everything, while I, of course, know nothing. 

I think I would be asking him what matters more to him, your health and happiness, or him having a dog. And personally I think would go as far as to explore my options if it was the dog. He needs to understand that you will NOT be walking any dog, any time soon. 

Plus, he needs to understand that you are going to need help and support when you have the hip and knee replacements (even if you can 'manage' now, and having had shoulder surgery I have some idea how disabling a shoulder that doesn't work properly can be!)

Have you still got one of your offspring living at home? Can they communicate with him?

middlewife

He and my son don't really get on, I'm the peacemaker. Sometimes if I use the dripping tap technique, repeating little and often it can work. He can't empathize ( his mum has narcissistic personality and is a nightmare), so he only realised how much I was struggling and how tough 2 hours a day of physio is and how much pain I'm in when he was stuck at home with a cold for a few days and saw it with his eyes. I can try to explain verbally and it's wasted, he has to see something to understand. I'm not sure what the next few years will bring, I'm seeing a counsellor to explore various issues, time will tell....

J63320

I’m not a dog person, but my late OH was - he and his first wife had dogs and when she left and took them with her it was the dogs he missed! I’m sure that if he were here today he would be asking where the dog’s needs are in this conversation.

sheramber

Ask your husband if he can run as fast as a border collie. You need to be able to run with the dog unless you teach verbal cues you can use at a distance. 

I had to do that when suffering from back problems and could not keep up with my dog.

Clubs don’t tend to teach distance control. I  used my obedience training background  to do it.

You do not just go to a club and your dog  jumps the  hurdles and  goes across the dog walk etc. 

Your dog needs to learn how to do these without injuring itself. That is weeks of boring training that normally weeds out those who are not committed to doing it properly. 

There is no way your health problems are compatible with having an energetic, intelligent dog who needs to use its brain. 

Point out to your husband that as  he did not take responsibility for the previous dog it is a definite NO. 

 

MayDogsandCoffee

@sheramber You are so right, I couldn't keep up with my lurcher girl esp with my dodgy back and knees !! It took 4 weeks to get her onto an A frame because she didn't like the look of it, our Agility days stopped the day she had zoomies and launched herself off the top at speed - I was imagining the vet bill before she landed (safely thankfully).  People watch crufts and never see the blood, sweat, tears, soaking dark mornings ect.

sheramber

MayDogsandCoffee said:

@sheramber You are so right, I couldn't keep up with my lurcher girl esp with my dodgy back and knees !! It took 4 weeks to get her onto an A frame because she didn't like the look of it, our Agility days stopped the day she had zoomies and launched herself off the top at speed - I was imagining the vet bill before she landed (safely thankfully).  People watch crufts and never see the blood, sweat, tears, soaking dark mornings ect.

Yes, Crufts makes it look exciting and easy.

I did agility with. Retriever/ collie cross and a retriever/ GSD cross. No need for a border collie. 

In fact there was  one three  border collies over the years , none of which continued with training. There were collies working on farms as well.  

They are not the easiest dogs to train.
 

There were rough collies, a border terrier. Sheltie, flat coat retriever, Staffies. springer spaniel , cavalier King  Charles spaniels., a Labrador , whippet. 

A wide assortment of breeds.