Don't understand why charity shop treated me horribly

Robertson74

I know this happened over ten years ago and the job was unpaid, but I don't like feeling rejected  Every Christmas this feeling returns. I have thought about this, most weeks through the years. I think I am just a total loser.

I am single and I haven't had a normal life compared to other people. All my life I have had social anxiety.  I had to leave school early, with no qualifications,  because of bullying. I had to help my parents with the place and eventually had to care for them when they got ill. They said I didn't need to work and the years passed by. I am 51 now and they have gone now.  I know that I will never have a paid job now. I have an inheritance to live off, for now. But I still want to do something unpaid.

Ten years ago I got a volunteer job in a local charity shop in a middle class area which I did for for five years. I really struggled to get references, but I got in. There were almost fifty volunteers- mostly middle aged and elderly and a few younger ones. A lot of them were( I am not) religious.

I was given the job of putting out the rubbish, breaking boxes up and occasionally putting out donations. I also packed books for recycling companies. I also carried heavy things down stairs and out of donators cars.

I was a forty year old man, when I went in and I was so happy that they accepted me, but I felt that they didn't see me as a "real" member of the shop and I always felt they would ask me to leave after every shift. I thought that, they thought, I learning difficulties and I was meek and mild.

 Pretty soon from day one, I gradually realised that I was being excluded from Christmas staff meals, burns suppers and co-workers leaving meals. People put their name on forms and gave £7 towards it, but no one mentioned it to me. I only found out, because I overheard them talking about it afterwards. In 2017 I asked the lady manager, if they were having something for Christmas and she said no- I then saw them in a local pub on my off day. 

Other things that bothered me- I had to take my mother to the hospital and I said I wouldn't be able to come in. The lady manager said I didn't need to put my name in the (which everyone did) book. At the end of my shift I tried to do it myself, but she pulled it out of my hand. On my next shift there was a shop meeting with a person from head office. She said in front of everyone that I had really let them down and an ill man had to take the rubbish out. She also said I couldn't pack book boxes- I felt awful for weeks.

Some volunteers were very nice to me and asked me to private events, but there always a feeling that I wasn't a "real" staff member. Others were cold to me all the time.

On my first day in I overheard to fellow volunteers saying I shouldn't be in there On my first day the lady said she had a simple job for me, but she was implying anything.

Later on I found my duties were being done before I arrived, leaving me with nothing to do. I used to check the outside bins the previous night and they were empty.

The lady manager was sometimes really nice to me and touched my shoulder lots and made me cups of tea, but other times she said some really hurtful things to me. I sometimes saw her out shopping and she blanked me. When my mother died in 2018 the shop never contacted me to ask if I was alright and when I phoned up she said that I still had my animal pets. When I went back she said I was coping remarkably well.

A new manager eventually took over before Covid, but she thought I had learning difficulties. When the shop reopened after Covid I wasn't called back.

I am sorry for the rambling post. I just wanted to feel accepted by people, for who I was and feel like I was helping a charity, What's worse the whole thing is, I didn't get any reference from the shop. The charity shop doesn't exist anymore, though the organisation does. I feel like five more years of my life have been wasted. They could have till trained me and given me a reference for other things, but I now have nothing.

Though I have social anxiety, I am very fit. I just don't understand why they treated me like this. 

I do want to volunteer again, but I am worried my lifetime of unemployment will put them off me, like they did. I also sometimes think, what is the point of volunteering if you aren't treated with respect?

Also this has put me off people in general. I meet a lot of nice people everyday, but would they treat me the same in the same situation?
 

ButterCheese

You've had a really bad experience at one job.  The people there sound awfully 2 faced and probably should not be running a shop.  However, you are out of that now.  Remember that not everyone is like that, and not every work environment (charity or otherwsie) is like that.  Maybe apply for some shop work in a supermarket or something; you don't have much to lose apart from your time.  And if you end up getting a job then it'll be worth it.

Brace yourself for quite a few knockbacks and try to remember that it is nothing personal.  But in general, if you're doing any volunteering or work in general, if it feels that bad then it's not right for you.  

Ayr_Rage

This is just a rehash of the OP's topic from July 2024

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6541730/why-was-i-treated-like-this-in-charity-shop#latest

TELLIT01

I remember reading the previous post by the OP on the same subject.

I understand that they were deeply hurt by the way some people treated at the previous charity.  The OP hadn't worked prior to that and probably had very little interaction with people at all from what they say of their earlier life.

For their own sake, they have to put that experience behind them, but also understand that you meet all sorts in the world of work.  Some genuinely nice, some simply horrible and the majority somewhere in between.

lincroft1710

Would you really want to have socialised with uncaring people who are 2 faced liars?


Just forget it and move on

monkey-fingers

Ayr_Rage said:

This is just a rehash of the OP's topic from July 2024

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6541730/why-was-i-treated-like-this-in-charity-shop#latest

I'm not sure why this is relevant?

The OP explained it in their first sentence - this is a recurring theme for them.

OP: Stand tall. Those were nasty people. As someone who volunteers myself (and manages volunteers), I would always welcome anyone to come along and help!

There are always volunteering things you can do - offer to help your local foodbank or homeless shelter.

itsthelittlethings

Try and move on - I know it’s hard. It might be worth attending your GP to ask about something called Social Prescribing which I believe is still a thing. A worker will work with you to access things in your local community to improve your life, could be volunteering, adult education, exercise, the list is endless. The are used to working with people with different issues (you mention you have social anxiety) and I think this could really benefit you.

Emmia

I think you would benefit either from a paid entry level job at somewhere like a supermarket, or a different volunteering experience..

I wonder whether there might be something on Timebank for you - perhaps you'd prefer helping someone with their garden rather than shop work. People can be horrible, please don't let it get you down. 

https://volunteertimebank.com/

I also wonder if you might get some personal satisfaction from doing something like an Open University course. Or some evening classes?

Marcon

monkey-fingers said:

Ayr_Rage said:

This is just a rehash of the OP's topic from July 2024

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6541730/why-was-i-treated-like-this-in-charity-shop#latest

I'm not sure why this is relevant?

The OP explained it in their first sentence - this is a recurring theme for them.

...but constantly rehearsing it and writing about it simply embeds all the hurt and distress further in their mind. We have all had experiences which have hurt deeply and are hard to forget/overcome, but at some point that's what needs to happen. Wallowing in the past, when that past is painful, is never going to improve matters.

OP, you really do need professional help.

Savvy_Sue

itsthelittlethings said:

Try and move on - I know it’s hard. It might be worth attending your GP to ask about something called Social Prescribing which I believe is still a thing. A worker will work with you to access things in your local community to improve your life, could be volunteering, adult education, exercise, the list is endless. The are used to working with people with different issues (you mention you have social anxiety) and I think this could really benefit you.

I agree that social prescribing may be a good place to start, and they may also be able to signpost to organisations such as The Shaw Trust who may be able to offer support in finding employment or volunteering opportunities. Social prescribers should know what's available. 

Another suggestion: you sound generally very isolated, so just finding local social opportunities may help you. There are still quite a few 'Warm Spaces' around, under different names - your local authority website will have links. Or just see what's going on in your local library or community centre. Try a few things and see what you enjoy. Again, the social prescribers should know what's happening where. 

Marcon

https://www.england.nhs.uk/personalisedcare/social-prescribing/