Calm not chaos

canvascamper

Hi! I've been here before (a few times) and still not tackled the debt. Currently living in a world of repayments, credit card shuffling, pay-in-3 and flex chaos...
I've tried the obsessive budgeting every penny approach and it doesn't work for me - see also healthy eating/exercise/home improvements etc etc
I need calm and small steps or I just give up feeling overwhelmed.
Will be back in the next couple of days with a list of debts to tackle.

Positive step today - submitted my tax return. I've underpaid tax and student loan 😭 - the joy of having 2 different PAYE jobs so need to work out how to repay.

See you soon! 

canvascamper

Hello, happy Thursday!

Thought you might want my back story before you decide whether or not to read along

I'm a mum of 3 in my 40s. Married, live in the suburbs of a northern city, so far so boring.

My 3 children are 13 year old boy, fabulously intelligent, fiercely sarcastic, autistic and socially awkward. 11 year old girl, completely dramatic at all times, goes at 100 miles per hour, has ADHD, hates school and loves being at home. 7 year old boy, the kindest sweetest child you would ever meet, loves animals and school, huge DogMan fan.

Also a husband who is far too good to me and makes excellent coffee, and 2 ridiculous cats.

I am a very chaotic and anxious person, easily overwhelmed even though I look like it's all under control, and a massive overthinker. I always want to do my best and am regularly on the edge of burnout. I have 2 jobs, one I do 3 days a week as a manager in a very high stress legal environment dealing with vulnerable people, the other I do 1 day a week in a government law-related role which is even more high stress with even more vulnerable people. Thankfully both pay pretty well. On my day off I spend time with my children and take time to breathe and often just sit in silence when they are at school. And do all the admin. 

I am rubbish with money and flip-flop between being ridiculously frugal, and wanting my children to have all their heart's desires. 

I will do a breakdown thingy when I get a bit more time, but basically income pretty much equals outgoings, and all debt is from anything 'extra' like car, holidays, things breaking etc, plus 3 maternity leaves. I have managed to pay off about 10k of debt in 2 years. Seeing the repayments every month makes me want to throw up because that could have been savings. 

Anyway, that's me, follow along if you enjoy a bit of chaos and slightly unhinged ramblings.

FootyFanDan

We live for the chaos 😂. 

canvascamper

@FootyFanDan well you are in the right place then!

Saturday busy as always - dropped G11 at her drama school, took B7 to his piano lesson then took him to collect some Christmas decorations he'd made at a paint-a-pot place with his grandparents over half term (thankfully already paid for, by them!), had a hot chocolate and a cake with him, which was lovely as we don't often get time with just the 2 of us. 

Did a supermarket shop for the weekend plus packed lunched for the boys - £80. There's £30 left in the groceries joint pot to last until payday on Friday. Should be fine, we've got pasta, beans etc in, so can make it stretch.

Currently at the gym whilst B13 has his parkour class.

Hubby has been painting B7's bedroom all day, we've just had the awful fitted wardrobes knocked out so it all needs redecoration - nothing has been done in his room since we moved in 7 years ago and it's a tiny bedroom so it all needs reconfiguration. I hate DIY and decorating with a passion, I get decision fatigue. At least all the walls are white, so that's the easy bit.

Going home soon for spaghetti and Strictly.

B13 wants to go into the city tomorrow to buy Pokemon cards with his pocket money. Will need to dodge the Xmas markets. 

canvascamper

Took the boys into the city yesterday to buy Pokémon cards. They used their own pocket money. I did buy us lunch for £30, and a box of fancy doughnuts for tea time that were a bit extortionate at £16, and a bow tie for G11 (she loves bow ties for some reason!) for £8.

I also listed a load of vinted stuff and sold 3 things so that's £12 made when I post them out.

NSD today, I'm working in the middle of nowhere for the next 3 days so took my lunch with me. Need petrol tomorrow. Payday is on Friday and I'm now overdrawn after paying credit cards and school dinner money. 

enthusiasticsaver

Welcome and you sound like you have your hands full.  There are a lot of Neurodivergent people in my family (ADHD, Autism, PDA) and this may be one of the reasons why you struggle to keep on top of your finances.  Struggles with executive function, impulse control and constantly needing dopamine hits are often associated with those who are ADHD so I wonder if you are also ND? Not that it matters but sometimes knowing why you struggle to get on top of something helps. 

Don't underestimate the achievements of generally sticking within a budget if most of the debt came from extraordinary things like cars, holidays etc and although obviously that is still overspending which has led to the debt it should at least mean it does not go higher. 

Small steps probably would work best for you especially if you are an all or nothing type of person and suffer with anxiety especially as you have a stressful job and busy home life.  I would suggest just tackling one thing at a time to stop you getting overwhelmed so the first thing should be to do an soa.  Statement of account and there is a link in my signature. 

canvascamper

@enthusiasticsaver hi! Thanks for the perspective, that's so helpful. There is a lot of neurodiversity in my family, my dad is autistic and my sister is autistic and has ADHD. I've always been 'odd but not odd enough" to need a diagnosis and by all accounts am very 'successful' (in a weird capitalist definition of the word) but I'm pretty sure if I was assessed I would tick a lot of boxes.

I will definitely do a SOA soon, it feels like a big scary task, even though I have a finance spreadsheet already so all the raw data is there. Maybe I'm just embarrassed by our spending. Must get over it.

Today I am still working in the middle of nowhere but I did find a lovely coffee shop nearby so I had a morning matcha. Also put fuel in the car. So spent about £35 today.

B13 also had a piano lesson with a new teacher who came to the house, he seemed lovely. B13 is very talented at music but had to give up his cheaper group lessons as he didn't enjoy the group setting, so this is a more expensive way but hopefully he will stick at it. 

Currently trying to decide whether to cancel the pet insurance for the 2 cats, both young (3) and healthy. Husband thinks its a waste of money (£50 per month) and we should just put £600 per year into an account and then if they never get sick we get to keep the money. I understand that, I just worry we would cancel it and then one of them will get run over or something. Not sure what to do for the best. We had insurance for our last 2 cats who lived 12 years and 20 years and even though they all had treatment at various times, I'm pretty sure we paid out more in premiums than we claimed.

enthusiasticsaver

DD1 is ADHD and very successful career wise.  So is my SIL also ADHD.  Often people with ADHD are driven, ambitious and competitive so says the person who diagnosed my DD.  She has had adjustments made like less time in the open plan office so less commuting and a walking pad which she uses when on long meetings as it helps her focus apparently. If you do not need adjustments for your workplaces I don't suppose getting a diagnosis is necessary except to clarify in your own mind. 

I am not sure about the insurance as I do not have pets but I do know vets bills are expensive and often the thing which can push people into debt.  £50 sounds a lot for  2 young healthy cats.  Did you do a comparison quote? I would not worry about embarrassment over spending as we have seen it all. 

1stTimer

The insurance dilemma is always a struggle isn’t it? I see both sides of the coin. I have had 2 dogs, one that for 11 years never cost me anything more than check ups and flea treatment etc and the other that has had an operation at 18months old (£4500) 3years old (£6k) and MRI last year (£3k) and now ongoing tests on his front leg 🤦‍♀️ I think I would always choose to insure now even if it was the smallest/cheapest policy I could get. Vet prices are insane.

edited to add that dogs are probably a lot more expensive to treat than cats though so if it was me I would find out a rough cost for a common injury cats have etc and calculate if it’s better to throw that money in a pot or pay for a policy?

Humdinger1

Our dog had a vet's bill of 20k.  This is exceptional but so relieved that we had him insured.  Loving your diary; you're doing brilliantly.   Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

canvascamper

Oof, today has been a bit of a doozy.
- had an online assessment for a new role and it was really, really hard
- had an endometriosis flare up that's been niggling for a couple of days but has ARRIVED, I'm so uncomfortable and have a killer hormone headache. These usually last 3 or 4 days. Bleurgh.
- rang my gran for a chat and she's had another fall. She's 96 and still lives alone. It's a big source of debate between her, my mum, my sister and I, we all have a different view on how best to keep her safe and happy. The whole thing makes me really sad.
- My daughter decided to do her homework involving building a church from cardboard in her school uniform and got acrylic paint all over her brand new school jumper

I also realised it's December next week and I am so unprepared! 

Anyway whinge and whine over, I've got a herbal tea and watching Gilmore Girls whilst H watches the football so it could be worse.

Spends - new bike lights for B13, he somehow managed to lose 2 this month £9.99, cinema tickets to take G11 to see Wicked on Sunday £28.

Still overdrawn, still waiting for payday...