Invoicing for past care provided

M0neysav3r

I hope someone could offer me some advice. 

My parents health declined and they needed daily help with personal and everyday.  We suggested we build an annex for them on our property so I could be there 24/7, cameras installed etc. Parents paid for the annex, sold their original home and the money went into their banks.  

They have contributed monthly for household bills but have never paid me for caring for them (and I wouldn’t have dreamt of it) despite me significantly reducing my working hours to be there for them. 

Fast forward and one is now in a care home (privately funded) and the other no longer wishes to live in the annexe, our relationship has broken down and they now want their money back that they paid to have it built.  

I cannot afford this and didn’t want it built in the first place. 

I guess I have two options 

Sell the annexe (pre fab) and give them the proceeds (which will be a lot less than they paid to erect it) 
or
can I invoice them for the years of care I’ve provided unpaid

They cannot see my side at all and think I’ve scammed them, I’ve tried all avenues to discuss. I’m utterly devastated. 

Please could anyone advise. 

MattMattMattUK

M0neysav3r said:

I hope someone could offer me some advice. 

My parents health declined and they needed daily help with personal and everyday.  We suggested we build an annex for them on our property so I could be there 24/7, cameras installed etc. Parents paid for the annex, sold their original home and the money went into their banks.  

They have contributed monthly for household bills but have never paid me for caring for them (and I wouldn’t have dreamt of it) despite me significantly reducing my working hours to be there for them. 

Fast forward and one is now in a care home (privately funded) and the other no longer wishes to live in the annexe, our relationship has broken down and they now want their money back that they paid to have it built.  

I cannot afford this and didn’t want it built in the first place. 

I guess I have two options 

Sell the annexe (pre fab) and give them the proceeds (which will be a lot less than they paid to erect it) 
or
can I invoice them for the years of care I’ve provided unpaid

They cannot see my side at all and think I’ve scammed them, I’ve tried all avenues to discuss. I’m utterly devastated. 

Please could anyone advise. 

Neither of the above, unless it was structured as a loan with a written contract you owe them nothing. As it would appear they have already chosen to end your relationship, tell them to get stuffed.

silvercar

No good deed goes unrewarded. 

Nothing you can do when people behave like this, other than walk away until they see reason for themselves. If there is someone else who could talk to them that might help, otherwise it’s a losing battle where they will twist everything you say. So better to say nothing.

Pollycat

M0neysav3r said:

I hope someone could offer me some advice. 

My parents health declined and they needed daily help with personal and everyday.  We suggested we build an annex for them on our property so I could be there 24/7, cameras installed etc. Parents paid for the annex, sold their original home and the money went into their banks.  

They have contributed monthly for household bills but have never paid me for caring for them (and I wouldn’t have dreamt of it) despite me significantly reducing my working hours to be there for them. 

Fast forward and one is now in a care home (privately funded) and the other no longer wishes to live in the annexe, our relationship has broken down and they now want their money back that they paid to have it built.  

I cannot afford this and didn’t want it built in the first place. 

I guess I have two options 

Sell the annexe (pre fab) and give them the proceeds (which will be a lot less than they paid to erect it) 
or
can I invoice them for the years of care I’ve provided unpaid

They cannot see my side at all and think I’ve scammed them, I’ve tried all avenues to discuss. I’m utterly devastated. 

Please could anyone advise. 

Who is 'we'?
Your partner?

If you didn't want the annexe built in the first place, why did you let it go ahead?

If the remaining parent no longer wants to live in the annexe, where do they intend to live/are they living?
And how do they propose to fund that?
Private funding of care soon eats into capital.

It's often hard to reason with people when they think their child has scammed them but the reality is that they have money in the bank because you had an annexe built on your property that allowed them to sell their house.
They want both the proceeds from their house sale plus the money they paid for the annexe (that you didn't want anyway).
That's total nonsense, irrational and greedy.

Neither option you mention is sensible.

If your relationship has broken down, just ignore any contact from them.

Brie

Only thing I can suggest is that if the parent has now moved out of the annex that it be rented out.  You take a percentage (10%, 25%??? ) and they get the rest until the money is paid back.  They are responsible for any ongoing maintenance.

Rather than invoice them (to what end? they won't pay) maybe provide an accounting of what assisted living fees would have been for the time they were living in the annex.  Might open their eyes to what a bargain they got.

Pollycat

Brie said:

Only thing I can suggest is that if the parent has now moved out of the annex that it be rented out.  You take a percentage (10%, 25%??? ) and they get the rest until the money is paid back.  They are responsible for any ongoing maintenance.

Rather than invoice them (to what end? they won't pay) maybe provide an accounting of what assisted living fees would have been for the time they were living in the annex.  Might open their eyes to what a bargain they got.

What?
Why should the OP become a landlord just to pay back money that their parents spent on a building that they  (the parents) lived in?
The parents' health was declining.
The OP stepped up when they could have just left their parents to have carers.

The OP owes their parents nothing.

silvercar

Pollycat said:

M0neysav3r said:o

I hope someone could offer me some advice. 

My parents health declined and they needed daily help with personal and everyday.  We suggested we build an annex for them on our property so I could be there 24/7, cameras installed etc. Parents paid for the annex, sold their original home and the money went into their banks.  

They have contributed monthly for household bills but have never paid me for caring for them (and I wouldn’t have dreamt of it) despite me significantly reducing my working hours to be there for them. 

Fast forward and one is now in a care home (privately funded) and the other no longer wishes to live in the annexe, our relationship has broken down and they now want their money back that they paid to have it built.  

I cannot afford this and didn’t want it built in the first place. 

I guess I have two options 

Sell the annexe (pre fab) and give them the proceeds (which will be a lot less than they paid to erect it) 
or
can I invoice them for the years of care I’ve provided unpaid

They cannot see my side at all and think I’ve scammed them, I’ve tried all avenues to discuss. I’m utterly devastated. 

Please could anyone advise. 

Who is 'we'?
Your partner?

If you didn't want the annexe built in the first place, why did you let it go ahead?

If the remaining parent no longer wants to live in the annexe, where do they intend to live/are they living?
And how do they propose to fund that?
Private funding of care soon eats into capital.

It's often hard to reason with people when they think their child has scammed them but the reality is that they have money in the bank because you had an annexe built on your property that allowed them to sell their house.
They want both the proceeds from their house sale plus the money they paid for the annexe (that you didn't want anyway).
That's total nonsense, irrational and greedy.

Neither option you mention is sensible.

If your relationship has broken down, just ignore any contact from them.

I read it that the parents paid for the annexe to be built with money from the sale of their own property. Now they don’t want to live in the annexe and want OP to pay them back the build cost so they can use the money to live elsewhere. 

Pollycat

silvercar said:

Pollycat said:

M0neysav3r said:o

I hope someone could offer me some advice. 

My parents health declined and they needed daily help with personal and everyday.  We suggested we build an annex for them on our property so I could be there 24/7, cameras installed etc. Parents paid for the annex, sold their original home and the money went into their banks.  

They have contributed monthly for household bills but have never paid me for caring for them (and I wouldn’t have dreamt of it) despite me significantly reducing my working hours to be there for them. 

Fast forward and one is now in a care home (privately funded) and the other no longer wishes to live in the annexe, our relationship has broken down and they now want their money back that they paid to have it built.  

I cannot afford this and didn’t want it built in the first place. 

I guess I have two options 

Sell the annexe (pre fab) and give them the proceeds (which will be a lot less than they paid to erect it) 
or
can I invoice them for the years of care I’ve provided unpaid

They cannot see my side at all and think I’ve scammed them, I’ve tried all avenues to discuss. I’m utterly devastated. 

Please could anyone advise. 

Who is 'we'?
Your partner?

If you didn't want the annexe built in the first place, why did you let it go ahead?

If the remaining parent no longer wants to live in the annexe, where do they intend to live/are they living?
And how do they propose to fund that?
Private funding of care soon eats into capital.

It's often hard to reason with people when they think their child has scammed them but the reality is that they have money in the bank because you had an annexe built on your property that allowed them to sell their house.
They want both the proceeds from their house sale plus the money they paid for the annexe (that you didn't want anyway).
That's total nonsense, irrational and greedy.

Neither option you mention is sensible.

If your relationship has broken down, just ignore any contact from them.

I read it that the parents paid for the annexe to be built with money from the sale of their own property. Now they don’t want to live in the annexe and want OP to pay them back the build cost so they can use the money to live elsewhere. 

And do you think that is fair?

lincroft1710

What demand is there for a secondhand prefabricated annex? How old is it? Dismantling it may not be straightforward. 


As another poster said "where does this parent intend to live?", and somewhere that provides care will not be cheap.

M0neysav3r

Thank you for your advice, the annexe was built with their savings, house sold after.   

We (husband and I) didn’t want the annex built but there was no other option, both refused to go in a home, both wanted me to be at their house but I have a family too and that wasn’t feasible.  I think you’re right, the relationship has reluctantly broke down and to protect my own sanity I should now walk away and wait for them to approach me. 

silvercar

Pollycat said:

silvercar said:

Pollycat said:

M0neysav3r said:o

I hope someone could offer me some advice. 

My parents health declined and they needed daily help with personal and everyday.  We suggested we build an annex for them on our property so I could be there 24/7, cameras installed etc. Parents paid for the annex, sold their original home and the money went into their banks.  

They have contributed monthly for household bills but have never paid me for caring for them (and I wouldn’t have dreamt of it) despite me significantly reducing my working hours to be there for them. 

Fast forward and one is now in a care home (privately funded) and the other no longer wishes to live in the annexe, our relationship has broken down and they now want their money back that they paid to have it built.  

I cannot afford this and didn’t want it built in the first place. 

I guess I have two options 

Sell the annexe (pre fab) and give them the proceeds (which will be a lot less than they paid to erect it) 
or
can I invoice them for the years of care I’ve provided unpaid

They cannot see my side at all and think I’ve scammed them, I’ve tried all avenues to discuss. I’m utterly devastated. 

Please could anyone advise. 

Who is 'we'?
Your partner?

If you didn't want the annexe built in the first place, why did you let it go ahead?

If the remaining parent no longer wants to live in the annexe, where do they intend to live/are they living?
And how do they propose to fund that?
Private funding of care soon eats into capital.

It's often hard to reason with people when they think their child has scammed them but the reality is that they have money in the bank because you had an annexe built on your property that allowed them to sell their house.
They want both the proceeds from their house sale plus the money they paid for the annexe (that you didn't want anyway).
That's total nonsense, irrational and greedy.

Neither option you mention is sensible.

If your relationship has broken down, just ignore any contact from them.

I read it that the parents paid for the annexe to be built with money from the sale of their own property. Now they don’t want to live in the annexe and want OP to pay them back the build cost so they can use the money to live elsewhere. 

And do you think that is fair?

I think that OP should have said no when they wanted to build the annexe, but what’s done is done. Parent now wants to move out, again their choice, if their annexe is sellable they can sell it, if not it will have to remain. I don’t see why OP should pay them anything.