Home education, finances, and anxiety

marcia_

RAS said:

Based on your second post, the issue isn't that she doesn't want to learn. It's that something(s) in the school environment terrifies her. So she's in pure fight or flight mode.

At that point, possibly including all the morning she spent in the SENCO, she's incapable to explaining what the issue is. When she's not distressed try to talk to her about. At least ask her to think and when she's feels able to express herself, share with you.

You might also want to look at mindfulness, or focusing.org. These aren't golden bullets because there are times when feeling terrified is justified, or is what you feel. But both can teach ways of managing overwhelm.

And look for your local homeschooling network. 

I'd also be blunt. The important GCSE qualifications are English, Maths and sciences. If she's interested in languages, she'd pick them up beyond GCSE level without much tuition.

It's not unknown for non-conformers to re-enter at 15/16, take essential GCSEs at college and then do their higher exams through college. If their terror of formal education continues, then high performing tertiary may not be the appropriate. But they may well be able to perform very well in the right subject. 

 This is so true. I don't have learning disabilities and was just a messed up kid for various reasons. I left school age 14 then went into college at 17 to do gcse and now a qualified professional so school isn't the bee all and end all in my opinion 

Stateofart

Teacher here!  At all costs, it's usually best to keep them in school as much as possible.  I deal with lots and lots of students that were "homeschooled" and the following is the usual issues I come across:

1.  99% are not homeschooled at all.  Parents tend to fib to the authorities and to themselves that they are homeschooling their kids.  You can't do this, it's why schools have tens of staff to do this on behalf of you.  Even with the best will in the world, you can't compete with what a school can do in terms of education.

THIS LEADS TO...

2.  80-90% of homeschooled kids never take GCSEs.  Which means at 16 they are already massively disadvantaged.

THIS THEN LEADS TO...

3.  Rejoining a class at college where it is mandatory to do Maths and Eng.  This is an extra 198 hours on their timetable per year for up to three years.  Non-attendance to these means they can't do their vocational qual.  Students who are "homeschooled" have to, overnight, suddenly become okay with joining a full and energetic class, mixing with allsorts of different backgrounds.  You think school is bad, try doing Maths and Eng GCSE in an FE college with 18 years olds that don't want to be there...

THIS CAN LEAD TO...

4.  Not being allowed to do a vocational qual or being left behind because they still have Maths and Eng to do...they coast like this until 19 and then expected to get a job and you guessed it, where they'll have to get Maths and Eng!!

My advice, grit your teeth, and theirs, and support as much as possible.  Avoid homeschooling as much as possible as you are setting your child up for instant setbacks.

sheramber

Stateofart said:

Teacher here!  At all costs, it's usually best to keep them in school as much as possible.  I deal with lots and lots of students that were "homeschooled" and the following is the usual issues I come across:

1.  99% are not homeschooled at all.  Parents tend to fib to the authorities and to themselves that they are homeschooling their kids.  You can't do this, it's why schools have tens of staff to do this on behalf of you.  Even with the best will in the world, you can't compete with what a school can do in terms of education.

THIS LEADS TO...

2.  80-90% of homeschooled kids never take GCSEs.  Which means at 16 they are already massively disadvantaged.

THIS THEN LEADS TO...

3.  Rejoining a class at college where it is mandatory to do Maths and Eng.  This is an extra 198 hours on their timetable per year for up to three years.  Non-attendance to these means they can't do their vocational qual.  Students who are "homeschooled" have to, overnight, suddenly become okay with joining a full and energetic class, mixing with allsorts of different backgrounds.  You think school is bad, try doing Maths and Eng GCSE in an FE college with 18 years olds that don't want to be there...

THIS CAN LEAD TO...

4.  Not being allowed to do a vocational qual or being left behind because they still have Maths and Eng to do...they coast like this until 19 and then expected to get a job and you guessed it, where they'll have to get Maths and Eng!!

My advice, grit your teeth, and theirs, and support as much as possible.  Avoid homeschooling as much as possible as you are setting your child up for instant setbacks.

A child whose nervous  system is in fight, freeze or flight mode cannot learn.

Gritting your teeth will not change that. 

My grandson has deteriorated since starting secondary school and is getting worse. 

 He cannot cope with noise., the changing classes and changing teachers. He spends more time out of class than in it.
 That can be sitting in student support, hiding in the toilets or leaving school and wandering around the neighbourhood. Other times he comes home. 

He has run away from home which involved getting the police involved. Fortunately, he was found safe. 

At present he is sometimes able to attend for an afternoon. He wants to go to school. He wants to be the same as his friends and go to school and classes. The way his brain is wired he cannot  cope when he gets there. 

He is having Creative Learning classes rather than maths, English etc. 

The school try their best but are out of their depth. 

This all takes a serious toll on the family. 

Savvy_Sue

Stateofart said:

My advice, grit your teeth, and theirs, and support as much as possible.  Avoid homeschooling as much as possible as you are setting your child up for instant setbacks.

I'd rephrase all the previous points, and say that if you decide to home school, then make a good job of it.

I have a friend who for various reasons withdrew theirs in Y10 and Y11. While continuing to run their own business - which may give more flexibility than holding down a job - they researched what options there were, how to access them, and taxied them about to make it happen. One's now in post 16 provision and the other has withdrawn from college but is working. 

I've known several other families homeschool from the start. The older children do take appropriate qualifications, and go on to university if that's what they want to do. 

No, a family can't do all a school can, but a family plus an extended home ed circle may do a whole lot more, with a lot less collateral damage.