Mediator

Cobbler_tone

elsien said:

Also to add that his solicitor basically writes what your ex tells them to. Yes, that could potentially be a long-term repercussion but basically it is your exes instruction.
Do you have your own solicitor?

It is usually the other way around. A solicitor will advise what needs to be written, normally to generate a bit of back and forth. Many solicitors will also tell both parties what they want to hear, or fill them with ideas of what they 'could' get. They can also be very accommodating and caring....at £19 for a one liner on email, or £5 a minute on the phone.

Anyway, something doesn't sound right. The idea of mediation is to seek some common ground and a shared understanding of agreement (the clue is in the name), before presenting to your solicitors to process things accordingly. You will no doubt have to clarify some finer points between your legal representatives.
If all of your negotiation is done using solicitors it will be pretty expensive. If it is done in court it will be VERY expensive.
When it goes to the Decree Absolute, if there is a significant imbalance in the settlement, a judge could well reject it first time around.
There are ways to hide things, people do it all the time but you don't want to get caught.

I'd personally get on board with the mediator. See what they are like, i.e. there should be balance there. Many mediators are ex-solicitors or senior HR people. It is your cheapest (and hopefully most productive) route to forging a settlement.

VyEu

Cobbler_tone said:

It is usually the other way around. A solicitor will advise what needs to be written, normally to generate a bit of back and forth. Many solicitors will also tell both parties what they want to hear, or fill them with ideas of what they 'could' get. They can also be very accommodating and caring....at £19 for a one liner on email, or £5 a minute on the phone.

You really don't like solicitors do you?
Your solicitor acts for you (one party) alone and will advise you of how the law in England and Wales works with divorce and your various options. We do not tell people what they 'want to hear' more often than not, it's the opposite. What you decide to do with that information is then up to you.

We don't have decree absolute anymore and decree absolute does not sort the finances, that's a separate process. 

However I would agree with the main gist of try mediation and if that doesn't work, you may have to go via solicitors and then if still no joy, it's court. If you don't like the ex choice of mediator (any reason why?) propose a couple more and ask ex to pick one of the two.

Cobbler_tone

VyEu said:

Cobbler_tone said:

It is usually the other way around. A solicitor will advise what needs to be written, normally to generate a bit of back and forth. Many solicitors will also tell both parties what they want to hear, or fill them with ideas of what they 'could' get. They can also be very accommodating and caring....at £19 for a one liner on email, or £5 a minute on the phone.

You really don't like solicitors do you?
Your solicitor acts for you (one party) alone and will advise you of how the law in England and Wales works with divorce and your various options. We do not tell people what they 'want to hear' more often than not, it's the opposite. What you decide to do with that information is then up to you.

We don't have decree absolute anymore and decree absolute does not sort the finances, that's a separate process. 

However I would agree with the main gist of try mediation and if that doesn't work, you may have to go via solicitors and then if still no joy, it's court. If you don't like the ex choice of mediator (any reason why?) propose a couple more and ask ex to pick one of the two.

No problem with them, you just have to be fully aware of how they charge and avoid unneeded admin as much as possible. I had a good relationship with mine, I just had to keep pleasantries to a minimum as the clock was running.
It is unquestionable that two independent solicitors will generate business (in silos) whilst advising clients. Mine constantly told me that she should be paying for her own legal advice, whilst I knew that if I didn't fund it nothing would happen. Then her solicitor comes back with some menial question which needs a reply etc.
 
Good mediation (can) take most of that away but certainly not all. I can also see why a mediator has to be trusted and respected by both parties. They are professionals but they are also human, so personalities and unconscious bias can undoubtedly creep in. 
Even if you draft and come up with an agreement via the most amicable of divorces, I personally would get it checked by a solicitor....but if you CAN stay amicable you will have more money to split.