Mediator

topcatz1

I've had an invitation to attend paid mediation as arranged by my STBX. I've had no involvement in the selection of the mediator, they have already attended an initial session. Can I challenge this as I have been getting threatening emails from their solicitor too. Should they be mutually chosen?

Ayr_Rage

If you are both paying then a mutually agreed mediator would be fairer.

If you aren't picking up the tab then go with the flow.

What "threatening" content is in the emails?

elsien

My only experience of mediation is with a friend whose ex told the mediator she had agreed to everything without  the need for any further sessions which the mediator then put in the paperwork without checking the accuracy with her. It was all a lie.
So I would suggest if you do go ahead and make sure that the mediator checks everything with you first. Which should obviously happen but clearly doesn’t always. 

topcatz1

Ayr_Rage said:

If you are both paying then a mutually agreed mediator would be fairer.

If you aren't picking up the tab then go with the flow.

What "threatening" content is in the emails?

No I've been asked to pay. Threats of court if I don't supply them financial disclosure or part of savings now

Ayr_Rage

topcatz1 said:

Ayr_Rage said:

If you are both paying then a mutually agreed mediator would be fairer.

If you aren't picking up the tab then go with the flow.

What "threatening" content is in the emails?

No I've been asked to pay. Threats of court if I don't supply them financial disclosure or part of savings now

The threat of being taken to court is always going to be there if you don't cooperate, if you want a fight in court that's your choice, the email is just pointing out the possible repercussions of withholding relevant information.  

elsien

Also to add that his solicitor basically writes what your ex tells them to. Yes, that could potentially be a long-term repercussion but basically it is your exes instruction.
Do you have your own solicitor?

topcatz1

Ayr_Rage said:

topcatz1 said:

Ayr_Rage said:

If you are both paying then a mutually agreed mediator would be fairer.

If you aren't picking up the tab then go with the flow.

What "threatening" content is in the emails?

No I've been asked to pay. Threats of court if I don't supply them financial disclosure or part of savings now

The threat of being taken to court is always going to be there if you don't cooperate, if you want a fight in court that's your choice, the email is just pointing out the possible repercussions of withholding relevant information.  

I am co-operating I've agreed to do mediation as a first step which should be impartial. Why would I be sending all of this to a party not representing me 

sheramber

topcatz1 said:

Ayr_Rage said:

topcatz1 said:

Ayr_Rage said:

If you are both paying then a mutually agreed mediator would be fairer.

If you aren't picking up the tab then go with the flow.

What "threatening" content is in the emails?

No I've been asked to pay. Threats of court if I don't supply them financial disclosure or part of savings now

The threat of being taken to court is always going to be there if you don't cooperate, if you want a fight in court that's your choice, the email is just pointing out the possible repercussions of withholding relevant information.  

I am co-operating I've agreed to do mediation as a first step which should be impartial. Why would I be sending all of this to a party not representing me 

Who is representing you or are you representing yourself?

ian1246

topcatz1 said:

Ayr_Rage said:

topcatz1 said:

Ayr_Rage said:

If you are both paying then a mutually agreed mediator would be fairer.

If you aren't picking up the tab then go with the flow.

What "threatening" content is in the emails?

No I've been asked to pay. Threats of court if I don't supply them financial disclosure or part of savings now

The threat of being taken to court is always going to be there if you don't cooperate, if you want a fight in court that's your choice, the email is just pointing out the possible repercussions of withholding relevant information.  

I am co-operating I've agreed to do mediation as a first step which should be impartial. Why would I be sending all of this to a party not representing me 

Financial disclosure is a legal requirement as part of a financial agreement. You have absolutely zero choice on whether you disclose the material, its only a question of how you do it i.e. directly to ex / his solicitor or indirectly to ex via your solicitor.

As part of mediation, you absolutely will be required to disclose your financial circumstances to your ex - your income, savings, assets, recipient of any benefits etc...

They have every right to know since ultimately, any financial order agreed between you or imposed by a judge will be based on both of your individual circumstances, try to achieve a just and equitable outcome which covers each individuals needs as best as possible (with a limited pool of resources available for what will now be 2 households).

Failure to disclose or intentionally misleading the ex on your financial position will essentially be fraud.

RAS

And of course, you respond by reminding him or his solicitor that you (or your solicitor) require full financial disclosure. Use precisely the same wording as his solicitor did.

I'd suggest you take advice on the mediator. If he's had a private session, demand the same. 

Have you used wikivorce for information?

Exodi

I'd be very careful of not coming across as un-cooperative, as unfortunately based on what you've said that is the opinion I'm getting.

For example:

topcatz1 said:

I've had an invitation to attend paid mediation as arranged by my STBX. I've had no involvement in the selection of the mediator, they have already attended an initial session.

topcatz1 said:

I am co-operating I've agreed to do mediation as a first step which should be impartial. 

Why not suggest the paid mediator you arranged?

Or could it be that you agreed to do mediation, but have taken no steps to arrange one (except complain about the mediator your STBX has arranged?).

topcatz1 said:
Why would I be sending all of this to a party not representing me 

Because divorce requires you to share your financial circumstances with each other. It goes both ways, you can of course remind that you are still awaiting your STBX's disclosure also, however you must face reality that they will have sight of it whether you like it or not.

Insisting you want to send it someone you like, so they can send it to your ex's solicitor, could again be viewed as un-cooperative.

Do you have your own legal representative? 

Unfortunately I fear this may end up being a long (aka expensive) divorce...